Few thoughts are as devastating as realizing that hardly anyone cares about us. Behind this feeling there can be very complex realities that are worth dwelling on.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 22 November 2021
"Why do I feel that nobody cares about me?". Asking this question is an emotional slap, it means plunging into a state of absolute discomfort and a corrosive loneliness that shakes the psychic balance.
Similarly, there are no more destructive thoughts than those experienced when one does not feel loved, valued, or valued.
What can be done in the face of this reality? In the first place, you need to check the situation in order to rule out that you suffer from a depressive disorder. A similar condition is often the basis of these negative ideas and permeated by a bitter feeling of despondency.
On the other hand, we cannot deny the evidence either. We live in a society sick of loneliness and this feeling increases every year, both in the elderly and in the younger generations.
To hear that nobody cares about us is the lament of those who do not have a valid, intimate and meaningful social circle at their disposal. We invite you to analyze this phenomenon.
Because I feel that nobody cares about me
When someone asks "why do I feel that nobody cares about me?" feels deep suffering. We can't ignore it.
Also, sometimes this comment is particularly painful for those who love, appreciate and value the person who expresses this idea aloud. However, instead of getting angry or scolding her, you need to be aware of several factors.
The first is that perhaps the person is going through a difficult time. The second is that this feeling, far from being unfounded, is real and loved ones are not behaving correctly.
It is therefore necessary to analyze the whole context, to have the courage to highlight facts that we may have overlooked.
The fragile bonds and the feeling of true loneliness
In 2016 the University of Pennsylvania conducted a study to evaluate the meaning of love in the human being.
The results showed great variability in the meaning given to love, respect and validation. Despite this, there are some common factors:
- Don't feel insecure. It is essential to enjoy constant affection, free of ups and downs for which one feels appreciated and then ignored.
- The comunication: being told that we are important to others gives us security.
It is common to feel that others don't care about us when we tend to have fragile relationships. It is an example of this the family who say they love us but are not there when we need them.
Likewise, friends who judge instead of supporting us. Partners who don't stay long or who simply make us feel alone despite being physically close to us.
The burden of unresolved traumas
Many people carry the mark of psychological trauma, and this increases in them the perception of loneliness. Unmanaged, treated and resolved pain makes it difficult to establish strong bonds.
Also, sometimes a lot is demanded of a relationship, in a desperate attempt to alleviate the wounds of the past with the relationships of the present; it is not always an effective solution.
The perennial feeling of loneliness is a common occurrence in people with post-traumatic stress disorder. Studies such as the one conducted at the University of Tilburg (the Netherlands) support this fact.
Depression that is not seen, but is there
If you have repeatedly asked yourself the question "why do I feel that nobody cares about me?", maybe you suffer from depression. However, we are not always aware of this as we become familiar with suffering and create a wall around it.
We carry on for months emotions full of frustration, sadness, bitterness and loneliness in silence without acting. It's important recognize symptoms associated with depression, take the decisive step and seek professional help:
- Loss of motivation and pleasure (anhedonia). We stop enjoying what we were previously passionate about or interested in.
- Physical exhaustion.
- Sleep disturbances: insomnia or excessive sleep.
- Feelings of anger, frustration and despair.
- Feeling of loneliness and guilt at the same time.
- Need to isolate yourself.
- Thoughts full of negativity.
Why do I feel that nobody cares about me? The voice of low self-esteem
When we hear someone say "nobody cares about me" sometimes a negative perception of self emerges. In short, those who do not appreciate or value themselves do not feel worthy of affection.
This self-depreciation can reach problematic extremes where one may even believe that one is not worthy of being loved.
Low self-esteem is, in most cases, the destroyer of many relationships, because it is accompanied by insecurity and a good number of irrational beliefs with which any relationship is boycotted.
I feel that nobody cares about me: what to do?
When we ask ourselves "why do I feel that nobody cares about me?", we have to deal with the feeling behind it.
The first step is to clarify what it is fueled by, what is happening in us and in our life that comes to make us feel this exhausting way.
- If the problem is loneliness and a lack of meaningful relationships, maybe it is time to make some changes. Thanks to new technologies, we can easily meet people with similar tastes to ours. We look for relationships that enrich us and are sincere.
- We have to understand that we are people worthy of genuine love, appreciation, respect and gratitude. If others give us more doubts than certainties, and give us more problems than happy moments, perhaps we should make a drastic decision.
- In addition to re-evaluating the quality of our relationships, it is It is essential to pay attention to our self-esteem. The person who values themselves feels worthy not only to be loved, but to receive the best love possible.
If the feeling of not being important to anyone is a constant (despite having people who appreciate us), it is essential to seek the help of an expert.
Sometimes the shadow of unresolved trauma or hidden depression completely distorts our view of ourselves.