How to be sure of yourself

Who I am
Robert Maurer

Author and references

A simple and practical technique to be more self-confident.


"Renunciation is a daily suicide."

H. de Balzac.

Author's Note: I've talked to you in the past about how to boost your self-esteem and some techniques to be more confident. To be self-confident it is a necessary condition to achieve personal success: paradoxically, you may have all the useful characteristics to achieve your goals, but without a pinch of self-esteem, you would find yourself continually stuck in limbo.

Self-esteem is your responsibility

When you are talking about safety, of how become more confident, we often forget a key concept: we forget the responsibility that each of us has towards himself.

Do you know that you have the possibility to change the "how you feel", therefore your emotional reaction, with respect to certain situations? Are you aware of the fact that you can increase your safety at 360 ° without necessarily becoming an "arrogant bully"? Do you know that if you feel in a cage, you created that cage yourself?

What do I mean? Read on, I promise to explain everything to you.

How we create our chains

Whenever you don't try to do something that might make you a little uncomfortable, whenever you don't step out of your comfort zone, whenever you don't do something out of fear, at that moment you are creating your own prison, one bar at a time.

Most of us have furnished their prison so well that we are convinced that we are in a nice apartment. A touch of self-deception over there, a sofa of excuses here, and a beautiful parquet of useless goods to cover the dreams that never came true.

But every now and then it can happen that the sun manages to make its way between the curtains, illuminating the room and showing it for what it is: a prison and nothing more.

And with that ray of sunshine, the desire to go out teases you, the desire to try new things, the desire to experiment and be a little more master of your destiny.

Ma fear begins to make itself felt again, you would like to get out of your comfort zone but you are afraid of what might happen.

What to do?

What makes a man sure of himself

What makes a man confident? Have you ever asked it to yourself? Is it a question of genetics? Is it luck?

No: it's the experiences.

One person is more self-confident than another because he has made one series of experiences that have shaped his way of seeing the world, his way of perceiving himself and others.

The subtle mechanism is therefore a perpetual and circular motion: the more a person has experiences that make them self-confident, the more confident they feel, the more they will try new things by constantly getting out of their comfort zone and will have positive experiences.

It is a circle, a circle virtuous that feeds itself.

The same thing it is worth the opposite: a person who is not sure of himself will move in a circle vicious which will carry him further and lower, lower and lower, to the bottom of the well.

This applies to every area of ​​life: from work, to seduction, to sport, to relationships with others.

Ok ok, your point is clear to me, but what do you suggest me to do in practice ?!

How to effectively increase your confidence

Getting the best results with the least effort: this is the definition of effectiveness. L'action in any case must not be missing, action is the cornerstone of any improvement process.

To increase your self-confidence (and / or overcome shyness) in the most effective way you need to perform a series of specific actions that they will generate your own virtuous circle.

The technique I prefer is that of "as if". But let's see how this technique works in practice.

As soon as you get up in the morning do a breve brainstorming personal by asking you: "What would I do today if I was already more sure of myself?".

Make a mental list of actions you could take, avoid thinking about what other people know or can't do, focus on yourself, or rather, about what you would do if you were even more sure of yourself.

For example, you may come up with ideas like:

  • "If I were more confident than I would ask my colleague for the phone number."
  • "If I were more confident I would go and propose my new idea to my boss."
  • "... I'd start that new project."
  • "... humming along a crowded street."
  • "... I'd get that haircut."
  • "... I would start reading that hard book."

These are just examples, I invite you to choose your actions yourself.

How to choose?

Among those you will have listed, choose the smaller and more achievable, putting it into action during the day. The next day, do the same, but choose a different action. This for at least two weeks.

Why didn't I tell you: “choose the most difficult and put it into action”? Because it would probably be too big a step (maybe you chose "solo Everest ...") and you risk getting stuck.

Instead we want your improvement to happen exponentially, you start with the little things that give you confidence in yourself and based on these you increase the difficulty.

But I don't want to look like a balloon!

This is one of the arguments that my students make to me: many think that being sure of yourself means, in order: "being big", "being braggarts", "being snobbish" and "pulling it off".

This is very funny because, on the contrary, assuming these attitudes denotes one lack of security: I'm sure you already have some examples in mind.

If you feel truly confident, if you are confident in your abilities, you really need to be a braggart to communicate to others in every second "how cool you feel"?

Or maybe, just because you are sure of yourself, you have the right humility that allows you to truly listen to other people and learn from them?

What do you think about it?

Before saying goodbye, let's see a summary of the most important points of this article.

How to be sure of yourself

In this article we have seen many concrete strategies for increase one's self-esteem. Here are the key tips to be more confident:

  • Remember that self-esteem is your responsibility. We only begin to become more confident when we take 100% responsibility for our change. Stop blaming the parents or middle school classmates. We can be safer and it is up to us to become so.
  • Take advantage of situations that make you uncomfortable. If we constantly remain within our comfort zone, we will never increase our safety. To be more self-confident it is necessary to face one's fears and those situations that we would like to avoid.
  • Repeat experiences that make you feel confident. The more experiences you have that will lead you to see the world and yourself with new eyes, the more confident you will be.
  • Apply the "as if" technique. This is by far one of the most effective techniques to return to believing in yourself and in your potential.
  • Don't act like a balloon. Finally, remember that self-esteem and arrogance are two completely opposite concepts. Learn to exude confidence, but never act like a balloon.

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