Last update: April 07, 2022
Two strangers on a train. Their eyes meet and it's love at first sight. A series of events constantly separates them. Families are opposed. Their work leads them to move to distant cities. But in the end, thanks to a heroic act by one of them, they manage to be together again. Against everything and everyone. And they lived happily ever after. Forever. Are you familiar? It could be the plot of one of the many romantic films that are broadcast around the world every year. But do these stories actually match love? Do they encourage the creation of balanced and healthy relationships or do they lead to toxic and addictive bonds?
"Never above you, never below you, always by your side"
How does society affect the emergence of balanced and healthy relationships?
First, it is important to identify the ideals of romantic love that we have lived with since childhood. While it may seem like a trifle, the truth is that songs, stories, movies and / or television series they gave us unrealistic stories of what a relationship should be like. Stories of which even the company itself is complicit, since it conveys them.
"Love does not claim possession, but freedom"
As we grow, we begin to understand what it means to fall in love and what to expect when it happens. We can get an idea of how we should behave and who should be attractive to us. For example, who said thinner people should be more attractive to us? In fact, in past centuries this was not the case at all.
The truth is that culture and education have an undeniable influence on our relationships. For this reason, it is important that the current fees change. Those canons for which love in itself wins over everything, but not only. We are also conveyed to the idea that love lasts forever, that we must do everything possible to make it so, otherwise it will be another item to be included in our list of failures.
That person who is supposed to be "our half" completes us, and if the bond is broken, no one else can ever do it the same way. With this belief, people do everything they can to keep their partner by their side. Instead of balanced and healthy relationships, toxic relationships are created in which emotional dependence reaches extreme limits. Everyone has to completely abandon their former life and only things can be done together. Is this love?
Balanced relationships: strengthening autonomy
According to the classic idea of a couple relationship, the well-being of the other is put first. Jealousy increases and family and friends are neglected to spend more time exclusively with the partner. These toxic addictive relationships only generate discomfort in all areas of life and can also lead to situations of abuse. It is therefore important to change these beliefs about romantic love by replacing them with more realistic ones.
"No person involved in a relationship should feel that to make it possible they must give up an essential part of themselves"
To have balanced relationships, it is important to try to have an equal behavior and mutual respect. We must be aware that when you fall in love with someone, you do not merge with this person and become a single being. Everyone continues to have rights and needs that do not necessarily have to be satisfied within the couple.
Naturally you need to be able to feel good with each other, spend moments of authentic intimacy and complicity together, thanks to the trust offered by the bond of love. The difference lies in knowing that you don't necessarily have to do everything together, that it is possible to be independent in balanced relationships.
È It is important to establish healthy boundaries, to improve trust and openness towards the partner on the one hand and autonomy on the other, the strengthening of each of the partners and the time to be with other people or alone. In short, it consists in giving, but also in knowing how to receive, in finding a balance in which to feel good individually and together. Because in reality ... love is also something you learn!
Images courtesy of Anthony Mapp, Ezra and Jen Jeffrey Palmer.