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    7 daily habits that stifle resilience

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    Robert Maurer
    @robertmaurer
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    Resilience will not stop us from suffering, because it is not a protective shield that protects us from adversity. However, it allows us to face problems more decisively and relieves pain in the most difficult moments.
    Resilience is a skill that can be developed. Everyone is born with the ability to be resilient. Our mind, like our body, has a natural tendency to find a new balance in adversity by continuing to function in the most adaptable way possible.

     



    In fact, in a study conducted by the New York Academy of Medicine, it was found that one month after the 11/7,5 attack, 0,6% of the population showed symptoms of post-traumatic stress. But six months later, only XNUMX% were showing the same symptoms, meaning the majority experienced a natural recovery.However, the fact that we have a tendency to be resilient doesn't mean we will be. In fact, during life we ​​can learn some patterns of thought and behavior that undermine this ability. In practice, we are able to become our biggest obstacle in adversity.

    What are the thoughts and behaviors that stifle resilience?

    1. Assume problems as obstacles

     

    It is normal to perceive a problem as an obstacle to achieving our goals. However, it is essential to overcome this first impression in order to be resilient. A study conducted at the University of Michigan showed that resilient people were the ones who faced negative events as if they were a challenge. Thus they were able to generate a more positive state of mind that allowed them to better deal with adversity.In fact, having a catastrophic vision of what happened only generates worry and stress, further worsening our situation. Thinking that the problem has no solution or that we will not be able to deal with it prevents us from finding solutions and will cause us to overestimate its scope and consequences, throwing ourselves into despair.
    2. Deny the changes

     



    Changes are a part of life, some are good, some are not. However, denying them can be very dangerous for our emotional balance. It has been seen that one of the pillars of resilience is precisely the acceptance of adversity. It is not about taking a passive attitude, but integrating that painful experience into our "I" and moving forward. Those who deny painful events and do not reflect on them fail to make sense of the situation and cannot integrate the experience into their life. In this way, the event and the pain it causes continue to remain active and generate discomfort, therefore, even if changes can destabilize us, it is essential to be willing to overcome this phase, give it a positive meaning and move on. Many people don't even take it into consideration because they believe that reflecting on certain events causes pain. But it is necessary to consider that unresolved trauma causes even deeper and more permanent pain.
    3. Blame others

     

    Blaming others or the system can work as a cathartic method, but, in the end, it will leave you in the same spot, and you won't know what to do. In fact, it can also generate frustration, because you feel that you have no control over your life. When this situation turns into a common pattern of behavior, the person believes he is incapable of coping with adversity; however, if there is one thing that sets resilient people apart, it is their high sense of responsibility. These people do not look for culprits, let alone take it out on themselves, but they assume the share of responsibility that corresponds to them for their actions. Nothing more, nothing less. What is interesting is that in this way, they develop an internal locus of control, which allows them to feel in control of their life, a feeling that promotes a more active and positive way of dealing with problems.
    4. Not having a sense of humor

     



    One of the characteristics of resilient people is their sense of humor. In fact, we often wonder why people who have faced huge problems all their lives are the ones who always have a ready smile and are able to face life with the right humor. not only does it generate a positive mood that helps us cope with adversity, but it is also essential to reduce the negative emotional impact. When we are able to laugh at the problems and at ourselves, we play down the situation so it will be easier for us to manage the negative effects.
    5. The lack of goals

     

    In the book "A psychologist in the concentration camps" the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl describes his experiences in Nazi concentration camps. Frankl could see that the people who survived were the ones who had a reason for living. Those who had lost hope, who could not find an explanation for everything that was happening to them, simply let themselves die. The person who has no goals of their own loses the motivation to fight against adversity, gives up immediately. That is why it is so important that we reevaluate our goals in life from time to time and make sure they continue to motivate us, and are not just a reflection of what others expect of us. Remember that goals are your motivational force when the going gets tough, don't let others decide for you.
    6. Feed a negative image of yourself

     

    Unleashing negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, questioning your abilities and facing life with fear is the best strategy for suppressing resilience. To face adversity we must have faith in our potential. This does not mean that we must have a positivist attitude to the bitter end or be naive, but only that we must know ourselves thoroughly, be aware of our weaknesses, but also of our strengths. you should identify opportunities that allow you to test your skills and develop as a person. Don't wait for problems to knock on your door, design new challenges that allow you to find out what your limits are.
    7. Reject people

     



    One of the main protective factors against adversity are social support networks, i.e. those important people who are on our side when we need them. It has been found that without the support and understanding that interpersonal relationships offer, the person is more likely to develop depression, lengthen the recovery period after an illness, and even shorten one's life. is making great strides towards individualism and which increasingly promotes the habit of locking oneself up in a technological bubble, it is difficult to establish satisfactory interpersonal relationships. But resilience is not just a capacity that develops only from the inside, it is also necessary to support it from the outside, for this reason it is necessary to build strong relationships.

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