Summer holidays are a test for any couple, as you go from sharing a few hours a day and weekends to spending 24 hours together.
Last update: 24 March, 2022
Summer holidays are a test for any couple, as you go from sharing a few hours a day and weekends to spending 24 hours together.. They require an adaptation, which will be a success or a disaster, based on the characteristics of the couple's relationship and the psychological flexibility of the partners.
In this article we will explain why the couple relationship can be threatened by holidays, what are the main conflicts that couples experience in the summer and how to improve your relationship by following 2 simple ideas.
Do holidays compromise the relationship more than other relationships?
The answer is yes. The couple relationship has some characteristics that differentiate it from other interpersonal relationships, such as family, friendship or work relationships.
For example, unlike relationships with family members, with whom, in most cases, we have a bond that we consider indissoluble (whatever happens, the family always remains), the couple relationship can be influenced (based on how go, we'll be together or not).
In light of this, it is very common to have more patience with relatives than with a partner. Even if unconsciously, we think about the fact that we have chosen the partner, but we cannot choose the family. In general, there is more tolerance with the closest and most direct members of our family (mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc.), compared to the better half, with whom we are more demanding.
How do holidays affect a couple's relationship?
Summer and holidays bring quite important changes in our daily life. During most of the year we are attentive to schedules, habits, duties (children, work) and the couple remains in the background. For this reason, people are more used to working more as a team than as a couple on a romantic level.
With the arrival of summer, the couple takes center stage, as it is the time when you have more free time to be together. By moving to the first place and devoting more attention and time, a number of problems arise which, if not managed correctly, end up causing conflicts or problems.
Problem No. 1: "It's as if my better half is bothering me"
This problem arises when, accustomed to being on our own or rather attentive to our needs and duties, we find ourselves "obliged" to use part of our time and space and give it to our partner.
In other words, if you spend little time with your sweetheart throughout the year, because you are busy with work, social life and children, when they have any, during the summer holidays all this fails and can upset the balance.
Each person, even if they have been together for a long time and get along well all year round, has different and unique interests and habits. Throughout the year we can meet our individual needs, but during the summer holidays, you need to pay more attention to your partner's interests and needs as well. This condition can be experienced with a certain discomfort, which is normal, but we must know how to manage it correctly in order not to arrive at the conclusion that our sweetheart is a source of annoyance, because it does not let us do we are used to doing ".
"Love begins when one person feels that the other's needs are as important as their own"
-Harry S. Sullivan-
Problem nº2: "No we use the time on vacation, we don't do anything"
There are couples who argue because they feel they are not taking advantage of the time they spend on vacation. Either they stay at home, go to the country to visit their family or even take a trip that turns out to be a bad experience. In these cases, Conflict arises when both wait for the other to plan vacation time or take the initiative and propose activities, walks or outings.
It is possible that one of the two has adopted the role of the one who "proposes and directs" and the other the role of the one who "does and does not take initiative". It may happen that for one of the two members of the couple it is not easy to propose recreational activities on vacation and that, consequently, the other takes care of proposing and planning.
Conflict arises when the one who "proposes and directs" gets tired of having to take the initiative, therefore thethe responsibility of planning the holidays falls on the person who does not know how to do it because he has never done it.
In this way, both partners place the responsibility for organizing on the other, and since no one takes matters into their own hands (each for their own personal reasons), the holidays become a moment of scolding about what you do or don't do.
There comes a time when we scold the other person for not being able to go to one place or another, as one of us did not say so, didn't propose it or because even though the activity or the walk was suggested, no one really tried to do it.
Problem # 3: "Suddenly I realize everything is wrong"
It is normal to see in our partner behaviors and attitudes that we like and others less, and always have expectations about how the person to whom we are connected must be. The more time we spend with a person, the more normal it is for us to be bothered by the defects we notice. When we spend more time with our partner, we feel that what bothers us is bothering us even more. Instead of developing tolerance, it is our vulnerability that increases.
For example, if it normally bothers us that our significant other is slow when getting up in the morning, we may experience high levels of discomfort during the holidays. This is because this habit can lead you to not finish anything in the morning, to arrive late in the places you want to visit or to have the feeling that your partner slows you down and prevents you from enjoying your holidays.
Conflict arises when the characteristics of the partner that we do not like are more noticeable than those that we like. Furthermore, people, in general, become more demanding with others during the holidays because we wait for them all year round and invest time and money.
For these reasons, on holidays we maintain a tighter margin of tolerance for frustration, we want everything to be perfect and we bear less setbacks than, on other occasions, we would accept without altering ourselves.
Is it inevitable to have a couple breakdown during the holidays?
No, absolutely no. It is true that summer puts many couples to the test. However, the relationship remains healthy and solid. There may be some arguments on vacation as a result of time spent with your partner, but that doesn't necessarily lead to a relationship breakdown.
The ideal not to have a crisis during the summer holidays is to work on a personal level. To do this, here are some practical ideas to improve and grow your relationship as a couple.
3 ideas to keep marital conflicts under control this summer
1. Strive to find the positive aspects of your partner and point them out
It is very important to have the 5 senses ready to capture what we like best about our partner. Human beings have an important tendency to consider and value negative aspects more than positive ones. And we must actively counter this trend in order to grow the bond that unites us to our partner or partner.
"Follow your heart but take your brain with you" -Alfred Adler-
It is vitally important to let our partner know what qualities we like about her or him. It is very reassuring that they point out to us the things we are good at, that they tell us that we are attractive, such observations greatly increase our positive energy.
2. Maintain good communication, with active listening, empathy and eye contact
Communication is the key to successfully managing differences in the couple. Furthermore, it is a vehicle that allows us to establish intense and intimately connected relationships. For communication to be effective, it must take place through active listening, empathy and maintaining eye contact. This way we let the partner know that all our senses are active for good communication.
3. Organize the holidays and plan moments in which everyone is free
Being on vacation doesn't necessarily mean spending all the time together. It is very healthy and profitable for the couple that everyone takes moments in which they can be alone, without being tied to the other person. Knowing how to be with oneself is the best recipe for obtaining self-confidence and faith and projecting all this into the couple relationship. Take a moment of intimacy and solitude for yourself that helps you connect with your individual emotions and needs.
In conclusion, remember that the relationship is a part of your life that you must nurture and nurture throughout the year. Summer will put a strain on your relationship, if it is solid and the positive aspects are more than the negative ones, an argument does not have to lead to a breakup or to think that the partner is not suitable for us.
