Life is a succession of points, some allow you to start a new paragraph in relation to the previous one and others close a chapter. There are also endpoints that end books. Sometimes these stories leave a good taste in our mouth, other times they are bitter. Unfortunately, not all endings are happy, there are also necessary endings.
There are moments in life, both in the personal and professional fields, when reality requires us to arm ourselves with courage and put the final point. If we don't, we will be immersed in a destructive situation that can only get worse.
Difficult but necessary endings
There are many situations in which we need to finish and turn the page:
- A couple relationship that has stalled for too long
- A dream that has little chance of materializing
- A job that generates profound dissatisfaction
- A toxic person who is unwilling to change
- Family ties that choke us
- Social ties that are too close
However, sometimes, even if the reality is painful and obviously harmful, we find it difficult to put this final point. Because?
There are various excuses, but the cause is always one: fear.
- Fear of how the person will react and of the confrontation
- Fear of what others might think of us for making that decision
- Fear of the unknown, of leaving the comfort zone we have created
- Fear of abandoning old habits which, although harmful, give us an illusory sense of security
- Fear of making a mistake, of making a wrong decision that we will later regret
- Fear of suffering, of not being able to cope with change and collapse
- Fear of the future and of having to build a new beginning
Regardless of what your greatest fear is, sooner or later you will have to assume that some endings are necessary, for your emotional balance. The endings are part of life, they are a phase, like the seasons of the year. Therefore, we need to be able to recognize when something is over and we need to move on to the next season.
Imagining that our life is like a tree will help us better understand the necessary endings. Gardeners prune a rose garden for three reasons:
1. The shrub generates more shoots than it can hold, so some need to be removed so that others have a better chance of flowering
2. Some branches and buds are diseased and will not recover, so clearing them is essential to save the rose garden
3. Some branches and roses are already dead, but they continue to absorb energy from the shrub limiting its growth
If we apply this idea to our life, we will realize that over time we can accumulate too many relationships, interests, activities, commitments… which consume all our time and energy. We have to accept that sometimes we just can't do everything and we have to close some chapters to enjoy the things and people that really matter to us. Sometimes we have to do a preventive pruning, choosing to have less to enjoy more.
Other times we have to do a "curative pruning". It's about those relationships, places and things that have long been dead, in the metaphorical sense of the word, so we have to let them go.
There is a point where we just have to accept that we have tried everything with that person to change, but to no avail. Or we tried everything at work and things haven't changed. We need to understand that there is a time to persevere and another to give up, that some endings are happy and others are simply necessary.
A foolproof technique to know if you need to put an end point
If you have been thinking for a long time that you have to finish something but you don't have the courage to take the last step, one technique that will help you decide is to imagine what your life will be like in two or five years if everything continues as before or gets worse. Imagine how you will feel and what the results would be of not putting an end point at this very moment.
If you still cling to hope, ask yourself if it has a solid foundation or is it built on quicksand. Is this hope rational or is it a defense mechanism that prevents you from addressing the problem?
If you don't like the scenery unfolding in front of you, take the largest pencil you can find and draw the end point. Before you will open other chapters that you have yet to write.