The relationship between low self-esteem and self-sabotage constitutes a fatal alliance. Insecurity is joined by obsessive and persistent thoughts that dare to take away our merits, opportunities and potential. In short, like being kept in check by constant fear.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Low self-esteem and self-sabotage result in a two-headed monster capable of devouring the entire human potential, his merits and his personal integrity.
Lack of self-confidence and insecurity often accompany us in the form of a voice that, with an evil tone, continually reminds us that we may fail, that we are not capable of anything, that all hope is in vain.
If we could give voice to the thoughts of at least 50% of the people we meet every day, we would discover an interesting and surprising aspect at the same time: in their mind there is room for limiting thoughts, for negative and self-critical self-evaluations. In a sense, we all act as enemies of ourselves during our day.
Self-sabotage is pretty common, and we can open the door for this annoying roommate from time to time. However, the problem arises when we give it excessive power and we give a steady place in our lives to that disheartening voice.
Nobody deserves an existence in which to stand up as their own worst enemy and the fact that they are is basically due to neglected and profusely forgotten low self-esteem.
We can get the approval of others if we do well and commit ourselves to purpose; but our own approval is worth a thousand times more.
Low self-esteem and self-sabotage: when we underestimate ourselves for years
We know that low self-esteem and self-sabotage have a deep relationship. But what comes first? Underestimate your person or that negative internal dialogue that wears down our self-esteem day after day?
Indeed we cannot separate the two, because they are one; a whole that responds to a mental approach focused on failure, insecurity and lack of self-esteem.
And here someone might say to that friend or work colleague, driven by all good intentions, "you have to love yourself more, you have to take care of your self-esteem". Yet, most likely the other person will not be able to perceive themselves differently.
It may be that that low self-esteem is present since childhood, which shapes an approach, a mindset that is difficult to break down, in which negative attribution and self-sabotage are chronic.
A study by the Canadian University of Vancouver, conducted by Dr. Jennifer Campbell, reveals an interesting aspect: self-esteem clarifies self-concept. Stimulating healthy self-esteem from an early age will help us shape a resilient personality and more valuable resources.
On the contrary, if from the early years we feel the excessive weight of fears, insecurities, fears, of not feeling up to the expectations of others, it will be difficult to change this approach overnight. Without a doubt, complex work is needed.
There is a "trojan" in the mind that must be eliminated
When low self-esteem and self-sabotage become eternal companions in our lives, we must become aware of a fact: there are "trojans" or viruses within our thinking pattern.
These are codes of thought that infiltrate our minds for a very specific purpose: to interfere with our projects, destroy our dreams, transform us into someone we don't like.
- Don't blame your education or what other people have told you or made you believe about yourself. We build our self-esteem, nothing but us: it depends on how we talk to ourselves, on how we interpret every experience, every event around us.
- Eliminate these Trojans by cleaning up your inner dialogue. Eliminate the “I can't”, “it will go wrong”, “I'm not worth anything”, the “what will they think of me? For sure I will fail ”. Don't demean yourself as a human being: if you are in a certain phase it is for a reason, so clarify your goals, your intentions, your reasons for living.
Doing nothing is also a form of self-sabotage. Moving is essential
When we talk about self-sabotage, we immediately visualize someone thinking negative things about themselves. Now, we must keep in mind that self-sabotage is a multifaceted prism.
One of these faces - and perhaps one of the most important - is procrastination, not reacting to something that hurts, worries or scares me. Abandoning projects for fear of failing or not daring, etc. .. this also ends up undermining self-esteem.
If we really want to change and strengthen the positive perception of ourselves, we must make intelligent use of our forces.
Be proactive, carry out what started, commit and find a way to enjoy the journey; this gives great satisfaction.
Training the sense of responsibility against low self-esteem and self-sabotage
To overcome low self-esteem and the tendency to self-sabotage, we need large doses of responsibility towards ourselves. No one else will do it for us.
Furthermore, things will always happen in our daily life that will challenge us, that will require our ability to react, to adapt and to respond. Doing it in the best way is our duty.
To build a strong self-esteem, it is not enough to love each other a lot: it is also necessary a life story that integrates those edges (mistakes, traumas, disappointments, etc.) and accepts dissonances and contradictions.
Likewise, it is vital to learn to be self-indulgent, so that you can tolerate mistakes, but also be demanding enough to improve every day.
Self-sabotage is the echo of a voice that does not love us and from which, therefore, we must free ourselves as soon as possible. Life is complicated enough on its own, there is no need to live with someone who loves to belittle us in our inner world.
Such work takes time and perseverance, a deep commitment to train every day, without oneself and without buts. Let's always keep this in mind.