There are attitudes that separate more than a thousand miles or an ocean. Emotional closeness is not measured in meters or centimeters, but in the psychological harmony one feels. For this, you can be surrounded by many people and still feel alone, or apparently be alone but feel in good company because you know that somewhere in the world there is someone who understands and supports you, no matter how distant that person is.
There are attitudes that hinder daily coexistence and create an emotional gap between people. If not remedied, this emptiness can become an insurmountable abyss. What are these attitudes?
Attitudes that break bonds and leave deep emotional wounds
- Hypercriticism
It is not that criticizing the other person changes first. It is a golden rule that we must remember in our interpersonal relationships. Criticism, especially when it is directed at the person and expresses a value judgment, can wear down the stronger relationship as one party will feel not only judged but also misunderstood.
Sometimes the criticisms are made with good intentions, for the sake of the other, but the recipient will only receive a message: "I am not good enough or capable" or "does not love me enough or does not accept me as I am". In any case, continually criticizing is an infallible way of interposing a psychological distance because the criticized person will move further and further away, not meeting the acceptance, support and understanding they need.
- Coldness
Emotional coldness separates more than an abyss. Any intimate relationship, whether in a couple, between friends or family, has an important emotional validation function that must be fulfilled or, otherwise, generates a deep emotional void. When you allow a person to access your inner circle, you hope that he / she can understand what you are feeling and accept those emotions. In a nutshell: You expect it to support you emotionally.
Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. Some people withdraw emotionally, resort to silence as a tool to punish the other, stop talking to them and ignore them on purpose. By ignoring the other person's emotional needs, a very clear message is conveyed: "I don't care enough." If before each conflict the person reacts emotionally by distancing himself, he will end up building a wall with the bricks of incomprehension and unsolved problems. Ignoring conflicts does not resolve them, it simply hides them. Emotionally distancing yourself does not help solve problems, it only accentuates the distance and eliminates any possibility of communication.
- Contempt
Contempt can take a thousand forms. Insults with phrases such as "you are stupid" or "you are ridiculous" are the most direct manifestation of this and even veiled humiliations, especially when the person adopts an arrogant attitude and uses intellectual intimidation tactics, still hurt. Sarcasm, for example, is another form of contempt that affects many relationships because behind an apparently ingenious nuance there is normally a caustic mockery that deeply damages the person's self-esteem, especially when it is repeated over time.
Contempt causes the relationship, which should be a source of support, to turn into a situation of constant discouragement, ending in damaging the bond. Unlike rejection or even hatred, which are momentary feelings, what hurts more than contempt is that it is a rational and premeditated attitude. Contempt implies rejection, but it also hides the desire to exclude the person as well as a profound disrespect for his ideas or feelings.
- Egocentrism
Any relationship, whatever the type, always involves two people. These people need to be able to meet some emotional needs in the relationship itself. When this bidirectionality is interrupted and one of the people takes a self-centered attitude, the other will end up emotionally drained.
"Iism" is the grave of all kinds of relationships. When one person constantly asks and receives without giving anything in return, sooner or later, the other will feel that he is undergoing an emotional hemorrhage that will generate a huge emptiness. In the long run, this will turn into a toxic relationship that you need to break free from.
- Blaming attitude
There are many separating attitudes, but one of the most damaging is incriminating manipulation. These are people who try to manipulate you by making you feel guilty. They leverage your sense of duty or weaknesses to get what they want, leaving you with the feeling that you are a bad person.
These people, knowingly or not, establish relationships of domination, subjugating others through guilt. They can be judges, constantly making you notice everything you do wrong, or they can take on the role of victims, leaving you the role of executioner. Obviously, that type of relationship is emotionally exhausting, as well as being deeply unsatisfying, because you feel that you are always walking a tightrope, not knowing which of your next phrases or attitudes will offend her.
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