Unconditional love: what it is and how it can change your life for the better

Who I am
Joe Dispenza
@joedispenza
SOURCES CONSULTED:

wikipedia.org

Author and references

I have no doubt: you want unconditional love.

You want others to love you because it's you, not your hair, your job, or your money.

Here's what you need to know to live happily:

  1. You don't like "ifs" and "buts", and you're right!
  2. The story of the Ligurian mechanic who showed me what it means to love.
  3. We bet you just want unconditional love?
  4. The 3 levels of love: where are you now?
  5. Yes, but what should I do in practice?

When I understand the things I'm about to show you, I stopped feeling bad.



All of it? Yes, completely.

Not only that, this is the safest way that I recommend to those who want to understand how to forget a love. If you suffer it is because you do not love unconditionally!

In reality you will see that if you learn to love like this, you will prove that eternal love exists, and how! But to understand it, I also suggest you read what the difference is between falling in love and love.

If you are ready, or ready, I'll tell you how to do it right away.

But before I show you what I've learned and it's life-changing for many, answer my test questions. It will help you measure your current capacity to love.

It will allow you to understand if in this moment of your life you have the ability to truly love (especially who you say you love).



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Unconditional love: what are we talking about?

What are we talking about? What is the true meaning of unconditional love?

Of course we talk about love (if you want to understand when love is true, read this page then). In another study I also explained in detail what it means to love.


I really think you should read it.

Love is not simply an emotion, but a way of acting, thinking and living.

When you think about a person you love, they will come to your mind gestures and actions you perform in his regards.

The same is true if you think about a person who loves you.

For example, to love means:

  • To forgive the mistakes of others.
  • To accept people for who they are.
  • Respect even if you have different ideas.
  • Help when others need us.
  • To be available and make our presence felt.

Now think of a person who says they love you: Would you believe her if she didn't do any of this?

These are likely actions you already receive from people who care about you and say they love you.

 

How to give unconditional love

Unconditional means there are no conditions, therefore, there are no "ifs".

If you want to understand if your action, whatever it is, is unconditional, just look for the "ifs" that could have prompted you to act: if there are, it means that there are conditions.

A few examples? Here are:

  • I'll do you a favor se then you help me.
  • I am nice to you se you are with me.
  • I listen to you se lend me five euros.
  • I forgive you se do as I say from now on.
  • I'll let you guide se let's go where I say.
  • Ti amo se you change and become as I say.
  • I respect you se you treat me as I think right.

Unconditional love is the love we give without putting any "if" in front of our gestures.



No conditions. In fact, what happens if these "ifs" are not fulfilled?

Stop loving.

If you only listen to me as long as I'm nice to you, the moment you don't like how I behave, stop listening to me.

Basically it's not that you love me because you want to love me, but just because you make a profit.

To gain? With love?

If you trade your gestures for mine, it's an exchange, and that's okay, but it's not love.

Any couple crisis always depends on these "ifs" that we place on love.

When love is conditioned, when you demand something, then your gestures become all based on convenience.

After all, if you stop acting with love it is precisely for this reason: you earn nothing.

Obviously I'm not talking about money or material things.

Here's what we often look for in exchange for our love:

  • We want being loved.
  • We want others make us happy.
  • We want someone make us feel special.
  • We want receive respect and appreciation, feel important.
  • We want to be understood and welcomed.

Of course, these are just some of the many things we want.

These are only part of the reasons why we give our love, if they are satisfied. Coming to the knowledge that we trade our love is difficult, few succeed.

 

What does unconditional love mean

Before I tell you the story where a mechanic showed me what this unconditional love was, watch the next video and see if you guess what's strange 😉

Isn't that what you want?

Don't you want to find someone who is so generous with you?

I understood one thing: who is the happiest, most peaceful and loving person in the video? Yup, the boy.

But think about it: he receives nothing from anyone, no one gives him anything.
He doesn't ask for anything.

Yet you can see that he is happy.

He sure loves unconditionally and he floods the lives of others, and his own, with joy. Do you want it too?

Do you also want to feel good, smile from the heart, live peacefully despite the difficulties? Because that guy also has his problems, he works every day, but he is happy and his life is full of love.

A few years ago I would have thought: oh well, it's a video!

Today I tell you: heck, I tried it and it's really true!

And it's obviously difficult, as I said at the beginning, and some say it's not human. But he is wrong. Now I'll tell you a true story that happened to me personally.

 

Are you a selfish person?

Answer the 7 questions in my selfishness test.

It will allow you to understand if (and to what extent) you are a selfish person.
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To love unconditionally: the true story of the Ligurian mechanic

When I was a teenager I drove to France with my family.

Given the distance we bought a new car for the occasion, as the one we had would not have been suitable for such a long journey.

Relatively new though, since it was second hand anyway. But that was fine with us.

Once in Liguria, the car begins to give big problems.

We go to a mechanic and find out what we didn't want to know: the cylinder head had to be redone.

We were without a car, halfway and over 1000 kilometers from home, considering we came from Calabria.

At that point something happened that I will never forget: the mechanic offered us his car while he was repairing ours, to continue the journey.

And he did it for free.

We had never seen him before and for him we were complete strangers who had come from the other side of the peninsula.

But he gave us his car anyway.

He made no conditions.

He did not ask us to leave a document, a deposit or anything that guaranteed him that we would be back (his car was better than ours!).

No "if".

We needed help, he could do something for us, and without asking for anything, he did it.

I discovered, writing this page, a very nice video made by Life Vest Inside.

The soundtrack is Matisyahu's song “One Day”, and you can see it below.

 

Obviously the characters in the video are actors.

If what you saw in the video it seems unreal it is only because unconditional love is hardly visible around us.

Do you know what everyday reality lacks to resemble video?

The individual choice to make that simple gesture.

That's it.

 

What is meant by unconditional love

But you honestly Wouldn't you find it wonderful to receive gestures and attention like those in the video?

From people who don't earn anything to give you a hand?

After all, it is not very different from the video before: unconditional love. Kindness. What do you want and who is it that is really good? Always those who donate.

I talked about it in a guide where I explain if it is right to give to have.

But don't make the mistake that almost everyone makes: loves.

When does the heart open, that you smile to see something that warms you inside?

When you see love.

When you see someone who spends himself on others, and has no interest in doing so.

He does it only because he wants others to be better off, he wants to give something he has.

That's it.

 

Love without ifs and buts

Our love, on the other hand, is often full of "ifs" that make the message you have just seen so "absurd".

I am convinced that you prefer a world where people make those choices.

What are the ifs that affect us? Here are some of them:

  • I respect people se they respect me.
  • I do favors se I get something out of it.
  • Ti amo se you love Me.
  • I forgive you se show that you are repentant and do as I say.
  • I listen to you se you say something I like, otherwise I don't care.

Do you want something in return for your gestures? Well, there is nothing wrong with that.

You agree with others and make an exchange.

But do you want to be happy?

Yes, I know you want it. Are you saying no?

Let's see now, just answer the next two questions:

  1. Do you want to feel good or feel bad?
  2. Do you prefer negative emotions like anger, disappointment, sadness and anxiety, or positive ones like joy, calm, cheerfulness?

Answered?

Well, if you said yes to both questions you want to be happy.

I know, happiness sometimes seems impossible, some explain it as a state of perfection.

They are wrong!

Happiness means feel good and feel positive emotions.

To better understand it, read what happiness is, a resource I wrote to show you that it is what we are all looking for.

Well, if you want to be happy you have only one option: unconditional love.

I recommend that you read another guide that I made and it explains how to be happy.

If you read it right away, everything will become clearer.

At this point let's try to understand what love you want.

 

Unconditionally, this is how you want to be loved, or loved!

 

To many, speaking of unconditional love seems abstract.

As you have also seen in the video it seems impractical to think that people can live like that.

We are convinced that if we loved without asking for anything, it would be difficult for others to do the same.

Despite this and despite not knowing you, I know one thing about you: you want to receive unconditional love from others.

Do you know why?

  • You want people to love you for what you are and not because you do what they want.
  • You want people to love you even if you make different choices from what they would do.
  • You want people to love you without losing the freedom to live as you see fit.
  • You want people to love you even if you're wrong, even if you make mistakes.
  • When someone loves you "only if", you question that it's really love.

I know, I'm not wrong.

Think of someone who says they love you, but always demands something from you in exchange for his love.

Do you believe?

  • Your husband says he loves you but gives you a gift only when you cook the things he says.
  • Your girlfriend says she loves you, but throws you out of bed if you don't call her 10 times a day.
  • Your mom says she loves you, but if you keep going with certain companies, he doesn't want to talk to you.

Love?

Is this what you want from others?

Do you know why you don't like it?

Because it takes away your freedom.

You cannot do as you please because others expect something different from you.

It is not love if it does not let you free.

Only this, why is the best you could wish for.

The "ifs" and "buts" are bonds, chains that we use for control others to get what we want.

They are called claims: I only do it if.

You want unconditional love, and you always want it.

Even in a couple relationship?

 

Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?

Answer my test questions to find out.

It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.

Start quiz Continue Complete the form below to see the results Leave your name and email to subscribe to my newsletter and receive the test results. Your name: Your email: I consent to the processing of my data in compliance with the privacy regulations. Show results

 

Unconditional love: what does it mean in a couple?

If unconditional love is give without asking for anything in return, it seems obvious that a relationship is an exception.

This is what almost everyone tells me. They write to me and they doubt that it is possible to love unconditionally in a couple.

Let's make a logical speech, without taking prejudiced positions.

  • Which relationship is most important to you: the one you have with your partner or the one you have with a stranger you meet on the street?
  • Between conditional love and love without "if", which one do you consider more extraordinary, which one strikes you the most for intensity?
  • Doesn't it seem absurd to you that the most important relationships have to "settle" for a second-rate love? Less in intensity and extraordinariness?

You certainly prefer to receive unconditional love. The couple is almost certainly the most important relationship.

Why not give your best to the person you share (almost) everything with?

Why give her a love that you would reject, being able to choose and that, probably, often you wouldn't even define love?

Here's what I learned: if you love your partner only if you are reciprocated, this it's not really love and it won't make you happy.

Here are the words that Leo Buscaglia uses in his book Amore: “[…] Expecting something from another because it is within our rights means running for unhappiness. Others can and want to give us only what they are able to grant, not what we would like to see ourselves granted. Only when we stop placing conditions on our love do we really begin to understand what it means to love ”.

At this point you might ask me: "Ok, but if I love without the other person loving me, what's the point of being together?".

Excellent question, sorry if I answer you with another: when I wrote that you must be in a relationship with a person who does not love you?

I said something different: you have to love the person next to you without asking "if you love me".

Imagine for a moment that it is possible.

You love and do not ask to be loved, or loved.

The other person does exactly the same thing.

 

To love without conditions: this is what would happen

Do you know what happens?

  • You do not set conditions and you give everything, without asking for anything.
  • Your partner does the same thing, and gives everything without asking you anything.
  • You love, actively and receive love without expecting it.
  • Your partner actively loves, and receives, in turn, your love, without demanding it.
  • Your relationship is full of love but neither of you asks for anything. This love is unconditional, the best.

What if your love is conditional instead?

First of all you expect those who love you to do as you say.

I'm not talking about who knows what, but about attention to you, words, availability, choices.

If this does not happen (which is likely) you will experience negative emotions, perhaps anger, annoyance or just plain nervousness.

In so doing, you walk away and stop acting with love.

A relationship full of "I love you if you" becomes a relationship of exchange.

You are courteous because you receive kindness, not because you love, and in the same way you are kind because you receive kindness.

You would find yourself staying together for convenience, comfort, habit.

Someone will have to wonder, sooner or later, what happened to love.

I've read that many relationship professionals consider unconditional love unachievable, or even immature.

Yet I have shown you that this is what we all want.

The problem is that it is difficult, it is more comfortable to think that it is out of our reach, ideal, perhaps wrong, rather than facing reality: we must learn to love unconditionally.

Now I'll tell you a story.

 

Traveling in the desert: story of a conditional love

A man had been walking in the desert for days, without orientation, with torn clothes and without a drop of water.

When he was convinced that he was going to die, in the distance he saw the figure of another man coming in his direction.

When the two met they were happy.

Both without water and alone in the desert feared they would die, but now that they were together they would surely find a way to save themselves.

They resumed the journey with confidence and hope, but after a few hours it was clear to both that the main problem was not solved: they were without water.

Initially they did not pay attention to it, convinced that they would soon find an oasis.

With the passing of the days and the always scorching heat, they began to quarrel, to accuse themselves of having chosen the wrong path, to blame themselves for their condition.

The journey became together more unbearable with every step and the final decision seemed inevitable, the best for both of them.

They separated and each went on their own way.

 

If I have no water and you neither, our union will not allow us to quench our thirst, because none of us have anything to drink.

Two people meet and seek love in each other.

They both don't have this love, since they are looking for it.

Where is it supposed to come from, then?

We can give water to those who are thirsty if we have it, just as we can give love to those around us, only if we love.

I have written a resource on eternal love, which I believe is possible and which you can read here.

If you read it, you understand what makes a relationship solid and happy, and it is certainly not mutual demands or compromises.

I obviously realize that loving without pretensions (that is, really loving!) Is the hardest thing there is.

From this we come to a fundamental question: can everyone give unconditional love?

 

Unconditional love is for everyone, but not everyone gets to live it

We can say that there are three levels of love.

 

"I love you if" - But we could also say I respect you if you respect me, I'm kind if you're kind.

At this level, which I wouldn't even call love, we only give if others give to us, before or after.

It is a level of exchange and our life depends on what others do, totally.

We give love if we get something in return, we respect if others treat us well.

In short, your choices, your decisions depend on what others will do.

Your happiness is a bet on a fixed number: you have many chances of losing everything, very few of winning.

 

"I love you without if" - At this level we love without expecting anything in return, not even to be reciprocated.

We give respect and love even if others do not do the same and we do not place conditions on our choices.

Obviously this means being masters of our life, much freer than the previous level.

Our happiness is almost entirely in our hands, as we love without pretensions or conditions.

I say almost because there is a higher level, where unconditional love is at its peak.

 

"I love you even if you hate me" - We love everyone, without asking for anything and we also love those who, on the contrary, hate us and would be ready to harm us.

This does not mean that we suffer their actions: we avoid their meanness but we continue to have love for them and we want them to be happy.

Even the evil of others no longer has the power to hurt us, we are completely free, without exception, and at this level we experience the greatest happiness possible.

 

Obviously the third level is the goal to aspire to. For what reason?

Simple, why the more we are free to give love, the happier we are.

Difficult to get there?

Of course, it is difficult.

Do you think it's easy to learn a new language, meet new people in a city you've never set foot in or learn a job you've never done?

No, these are all difficult things. But that's not why you don't face them anyway.

Loving unconditionally is a difficult choice, but possible.

Do you want a good reason for all this effort? You'll be happy.

And if you want your happiness to be authentic and profound, if you want that no one or nothing can take it away from you, you have to aim straight for the third level.

It's not divine, or fabulous, but it is within everyone's reach, including you and me.

It's human to get there. It is part of our nature.

Our education is different, our society promotes the first level, considering the latter unattainable.

He is very wrong.

This is the real problem: consider something impossible.

The secret to succeeding is the very sense of personal growth.

Read this resource because I'll explain that what will make it possible for you to come to love unconditionally

 

Discover the 5 Steps to Living INTENSIVELY a life Full of Emotions and Find You Well and in Balance in Every Situation (without Feeling Bad anymore) Training Your "Emotional Independence”, Even If You Don't Believe That Things Enough May they Be Different ...

... If You Don't Trust Yours Capacity or Yours Character It Doesn't Help You!

 

The meaning of loving unconditionally? After all you just have to love!

 

Here are some very practical and concrete tips that you can realize immediately in your life.

  • Watch both videos and carefully observe gestures, actions, choices. Write them all. Use them as typical actions to take every day. Start now and give these gestures to the people you meet.
  • Choose a person with whom you share your life. Write down some things that she would like or that might be useful.
  • Practice them, at least once a day, regardless of their reactions.
  • If you think that "he doesn't deserve them" for how he behaves, doubles the actions of love in his regards.
  • Observe the people around you. Simply ask yourself, "If they were my son, or my wife, or my fiancé, how would I deal with them?" Choose one of these people and treat them with the same love that you would give to a very dear person.

Obviously go from the first level to the second and finally get to the third it is not easy and it is a gradual process.

These practical tips can help you get started.

Changing your life always requires commitment, patience and a lot of willpower.

The more you love unconditionally, the easier it will become to do so.

Can I do more for you? Of course!

I suggest you a series of resources that will help you grow and mature in the belief that it is possible to love.

  • Trust others. Without there is no love.
  • Never lose hope. Linked to trust is the fire that feeds our life.
  • Learn to love. A guide full of ideas and advice to put love into practice.
  • How to help others, because it is always good to know how to give this love and also how to accept rejection.
  • Emotional independence. The professionals I was telling you about they have not understood that nothing and no one can affect our emotions, that's why they don't understand unconditional love. But you can know more 😉

Now you know what unconditional love is the most authentic secret to a happy life.

You also know it's all you want, the best you can give.

Difficult, it is true, but you also understood that it is possible, you just have to want it.

To conclude, I want to tell you where I personally draw the strength to choose this path: la fede in Dioc.

I don't want to lecture you or anything.

I just want you to read why you believe in God and how to do it.

I'll explain how you can verify personally if God exists.

Because it's important?

Because unconditional love it has no end, it has no exceptions, it excludes no one.

Will you have the strength to always give it anyway?

To continue to love when you will not receive anything and maybe the reactions of others will also be negative?

Faith has allowed me to do just that, for me it is the secret ingredient of a happy life.

Maybe the love I'm telling you about is too much?

What happens otherwise? You will not be happy.

It is not a question of principle or morality.

If you don't want to love, no one imposes them on you.

You just won't be happy.

You create happiness by loving.

When you don't love, maybe because others are bad and don't deserve it, you punish yourself, or yourself, for their mistakes.

Does this make sense?

I say no.

Use all the resources on the site, write me comments if you want a hand and ask me for help if you need it.

Just remember that you do not take this road because it is fashionable, you choose it to be happy.

And this I think is more than enough reason!

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