I love you or I love you: the right words to the right people

Who I am
Joe Dispenza
@joedispenza
SOURCES CONSULTED:

wikipedia.org

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I love you.
Or do I love you?

We usually tend to separate the two clearly.
Saying I love you to someone concerns the world of the couple, often "love" if two partners say it, perhaps the parents call their children this way (especially while they are small), and little else.

And the difference between "I love you" and "I love you" we think is related to the relationship.
There are usually 3 levels:


  • A special person to say "I love you" (and saying it identifies who this special person is).
  • Few special people (a little less than the first to be honest) to say "I love you".
  • And then all the others, maybe nice, but kept at a safe distance.

It would be strange to say I love you to your mother, to your cousin, to a friend.
Yet it has always struck me that in the English language "i love you" is used indiscriminately towards the mother, the girlfriend, the son, football or chocolate.


So does our language also affect our feelings?
Maybe.

Going beyond words we can discover the true meaning of that "I love you", when to say it and when instead there is a good "I love you" and also new ways to share it:

  • What exactly does "I love you" mean?
  • Difference between loving and being grateful (it seems little, but it is a lot!).
  • When to say "I love you" and when it is better to say "I love you".
  • And if it were all the other way around (the "I love you" more demanding than the "I love you")?
  • But you love yourself (and how to start with 3 simple gestures).
  • From tvb to I love you (world hug day).

Let's start with my relationship test.



It will allow you to understand if you are capable of really love others and make them love you.

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I love you, what exactly does it mean?


One morning I went down to walk by the sea.

At one point I heard a gentleman cheerfully greet a friend and yell at him, as he ran, "I love you!".

What a nice way to say hello?

It is not common to meet people who greet each other like this. I could see how that greeting had provoked positive emotions in those who addressed it and in those who received it.

I observed that I also liked that greeting as I simply listened and saw, and I felt positive emotions.

"I love you".

These are three words that can have a very positive effect on whoever utters them and who receives them.

But is it always like this?

I thought, then, of other situations in which I listened to the "I love you".

I thought back to when a friend of mine was looking for someone to help him carry out a move and to ask for support he turned to another person in this way: “yeah, I love you, take these boxes upstairs”.

It also occurred to me when I observed a father saying to his son “if you don't help me tidy up the house, it means you don't love me”.

In these last two situations, have I always felt positive emotions as in the first case? Did I see that the people who addressed and received the "I love you" smiled and felt positive emotions?


The answer is no.
Why is it that the three words, "I love you", are identical?

What does "I love you" mean?


In the Treccani dictionary I read: “to love someone, be fond of him, have affection, love for him, properly wish him well”.

In reading this definition I feel positive emotions: I like the idea of ​​loving and being loved in this way.

But there is something that does not add up if I think back to the three situations I described above and with respect to which the emotions felt were not always positive.

What determines in the use of "I love you" whether you feel positive emotions or not?

After thinking about it, I think the answer lies in the gratuitousness of the attitude that I feel and live in saying "I love you".

In the person who shouted smiling at his friend "I love you" I felt joy, enthusiasm, lack of modesty, passion. I felt it was free, that is, not interested in getting something in return.

In the other two cases the "I love you" was used as a "bargaining chip": since I love you you have to help me, you have to study otherwise I don't love you anymore.  The gratuity is missing.

In these cases I say: I love you as long as you do a certain thing.

As if to say, if you behave and speak as I say, as I believe it is correct and right to do, then I love you. If you don't, I don't love you.

I observe a very concrete example when I relate to my children.

If they do what I think their duty is like putting things in order, I have less trouble loving them with enthusiasm, with a smile.

Things change if they don't listen, they don't study. I have observed that I get angry more easily and demand that they do what "must be done". In these cases none of us is calm and everyone remains in their positions.

If, on the other hand, I manage to keep calm and serenity, I more easily find alternative ways to relate to them and it is more likely and they spontaneously choose to study or put in order.

I think, then, that the central point for experiencing positive emotions in loving is the absence of conditions, gratuitousness.

"I love you" means, therefore, I feel affection for you, I care about your well-being, I am interested in you, I want you to be happy independently from what you do for me, even if you don't behave as I think it is right to behave.

 

Very interesting reflections.
So sometimes we say "I love you" just to get something in return, or if we get it.
And here comes another consideration on what we confuse with good ...

 

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Do I love you or am I grateful to you?


I recently felt the need to write to a colleague of mine "I love you".

Now that I think about it, the same spontaneous and urgent impulse that I had also last year in sending my Christmas wishes to Giacomo 😀

But, reflecting on the deeper meaning of the expression "I love you", I asked myself: do I really know what "loving" really means?

And, every time I told someone, Did I really know what I was saying?

So I thought that, most of the times when I was told "I love you", this expression, undoubtedly at that moment deeply felt and sincere, was like a reflection of something I had said or done for the other person.

Gestures or words that had helped her in a difficult moment, concrete help, or perhaps demonstrations of deep appreciation that had made her feel important.

I even remember that, more than once, and sometimes even consciously, I had also done a lot in the hope of feeling appreciated and loved, and that "I want you a world of good" was a bit like the icing on the cake, my well deserved award!

Nothing could be further from true "loving", don't you think?

Often, without realizing it, what are we really saying when we say "I love you" to someone?

  • That we are so comfortable with her (maybe at that moment or in that phase).
  • That we are immensely grateful to you for something.
  • That we need her.
  • That we value it so much and we appreciate it.

And much more, probably.

But one thing I noticed, at least in observing my past "I love you" said and received, is that very often, if not almost always, the "I love you" was born as a direct consequence of an infinite gratitude towards of the other.

For all that, voluntarily or even unknowingly, this person had done and was doing. And, in a broad sense, even just with his loving presence.

The feeling of gratitude is wonderful, and just as wonderful to express it.

But, going back, I think that, in reality, many "I love you" that I have pronounced, or that have been told to me, would have been more perfectly corresponding to the reality of the emotions felt, if replaced, for example, by a heartfelt "I am really grateful for everything you have done for me. I really appreciate the help you gave me ”.

Or even "I respect you very much for your way of being or doing".
Or "I really enjoy spending time with you"

Depending on what we are feeling and thinking.

I think that "loving" is something really much deeper, on which it is worthwhile to linger at the moment in which it is thought or pronounced.

I see it as a sort of "commitment" that we take with a person, a tacit promise to welcome the other in his entirety, a "taking charge" of the person as a whole, including those sides that annoy us, that go against our established rules, that are uncomfortable or unpleasant to us.

It means occur, for her.
Everlasting.

To understand this, I asked myself a question, which I also address to you: would you be willing, or willing, for that person you say you love, to sacrifice your good for his?

To continue to love her and to wish her all the best possible, from the bottom of your heart, even if that person does not fully understand you or does not reciprocate?

For me there is no difference between loving and loving.

I confess to you, indeed, that, considering how much, in our society, the term "I love you" is unfortunately misunderstood and debased, addressed mostly to a person with whom you make or want to make a couple, I have always considered the "I want you well ”an expression of Love that is much more unconditional, profound and above all universal in that we can really address it, if we want it, to everyone.

Not a selfish "I want you" or a "I can't live without you" but a "I want your good, I want you to be happy", a wonderful declaration of Love in which we welcome, opening our arms and our heart , the other person and we recognize their profound value.

Which is not related to something special he has done for us (otherwise it would be a conditional love and limited to that circumstance), it is not related to its pleasant aspects for us, but to our free and unconditional choice of complete openness and acceptance.

If today you still don't feel ready for that "I love you", but you wish to express all your appreciation for the precious gifts that someone wanted to offer you, I personally believe a heartfelt "thank you" that comes from the heart, much more corresponding to the reality of what you feel.

A phrase very dear to me is the one attributed to Catullus: "Love me when I deserve it least, because it is the moment when I need it most".

I learned that "I love you" is not a sentence to be pronounced in the wake of emotion, it is not the emotion of a moment, but a promise to be renewed in every single moment, especially in those moments when it is even more challenging. remember it.

 

So what is the difference between "I love you" and "I love you"?
We talk about it with Pamela.

 

Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?

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The difference between I love you and I love you


"I want your good" and in this will, I set in motion action, intention, choice that lead me to give and to act.

In the past I believed that heart and mind were at odds with each other, I believed that good was a feeling that one feels after being infected by it in an indirect, sometimes casual way, or taken for granted for a few friends and family.

Now I know that action brings good into circulation, that the mind holds the heart, and the heart is no longer afraid to say or make a gesture that expresses "I love you" to anyone, even myself.

Aaaah, I often look in the mirror, I smile, I hug myself and I say to myself: Pamela, I love you! 😀

There is only one “why” and I often ask myself this.
Why make a difference between "I love you" and "I love you"?

Our language, our culture, has led us to realize that I love you may be for many, but I love you only for a few, why? What is the difference between loving and loving?

It usually changes the intention, openness and confidence, attention and timing. So I know that I can dedicate a few minutes to a person I love if it suits them, but who I love whole hours… does it make sense?

The sun warms everywhere, it does not choose who or what to heat or light.

So today, even if I choose to use I love you, I carry the sun with me and I don't care if I use the word good or love, in any case it is the intention that I put to make the difference.

However!
It would be nice in a transversal way of living the world, entering the office and saying "I love you" to your colleagues or "I love you" to the girl in the bakery, to the elderly lady who is waiting for my good morning when I pass her house while I am heading for go to work, to anyone I have the joy of meeting, without being taken for crazy 🙂

I love you!
I say this to you who read, because loving is the most beautiful gesture that can be done, to anyone.

 

But there are also those who think differently ...

 

Give to have or give and take?


People find it hard to say "I love you", less so to say "I love you". To most of them they seem to be two different things and in this the common idea of ​​the meaning of the word "to love" does so much.

But what does it mean to love?

I believe this: choose to act to help make life better say "what you love", without asking for anything in return. "What you love" can be everything, anything, animal, person.

Specifically, then, if we talk about people we could also say: you give to others what you like, what you would like to receive, always without asking for anything in return.
Also in this case "what you like" is understood in a broad sense, but above all I am referring to actions.

What do we usually want to receive? Understanding, help, forgiveness, trust, listening, availability, respect and so on.

Basically we always talk about an action of gift that does not expect anything in return.
Let's talk about unconditional love.

"To love" is something great and unlimited, it can be aimed at everything and everyone, it can be reciprocated or lead us to happiness even if only for the reflection of what we give.

But in our act of loving, the other may not open or be inanimate: an object.

"I love you" goes a little further.
I love you he gives and receives unconditionally.

I love you does not expect anything in return, does not love for convenience, but returns shared love. And in that way, he gives and contributes to share in turn.

What changes is a preposition: "give to receive" or "give and receive"

If I think about it, who can I say "I love you"?
To my parents, my brothers, some friends, not many in truth.
Dio.

But if I could tell everyone it would be because everyone would share their love.
All willing to open their hearts, overcoming selfishness and fear.

So that each impulse of love can really contribute to improving your life, so that you can improve another and the other yet another, in a chain of infinite love.

Can you imagine what a spectacle of the world that would come out of it?
A world that contributes to making the world better.

And does love, always remember, make you happy?

Learn to share what you have.
Donate what you can and improve whoever you find in your path.

Share what you know, your joy and your enthusiasm, dedicate time, make available the ability to understand that it belongs to you, offer your help, participate in the growth of others, give advice.

But share to improve, remember that.
Give and take, not give to get.

Give everyone a chance to say "I love you".

 

Interesting as a point of view?
I personally… what I think I say in the end, first I want to remind you that you should be the first person to say "I love you".

 

 

Loving yourself is the first step to wanting it to others


I think it's very easy and very common for people to hate themselves. The why, we are not analyzing it here, is not the place.

What I want to suggest to you is a path to get out of it.
This is why I propose that you start doing three exercises right away.

Remember to do them several times throughout the day so that they become a habit of mind.

The first (to do in the morning, as soon as you get up): look in the mirror.
Observe yourself carefully, in detail.
Don't stop until you've found three parts of your body (including your face) that you find beautiful.
Then write down what you found beautiful in yourself and in the evening, before going to bed, reread what you wrote.

Second (to be done every hour, perhaps by pointing the alarm on the phone): fstop for a moment to observe your surroundings and find something positive.
Explain why you find it positive.
If you have the time and the way to do it (not if you are driving, for example) write it down, write it down, the good thing and why you find it so.

Third (to do whenever you think you have made a mistake): when you do something wrong (something you don't do well, something that has negative effects on you or others, a wrong reaction such as losing patience, etc ...) pause to look for why you did it.
You will find that you always start from the search for a good, for an improvement, for yourself or for others.
I recommend, don't stop thinking about it until you find the "good" reason why you did that wrong thing.

When you find the good reason, ask yourself how you could have achieved that result without harming yourself or others. As soon as possible, write down the results of your research and considerations.

Do these exercises and you will begin to set out on the path of love.
Starting with you.

Because you are the most important person (to you) e you cannot offer others anything that you do not already have.

 

I recommend, they are simple exercises, but not ineffective for this: test.
And now the word to Paul, not to keep that "I love you" locked inside but to really express it.

 

Discover the 5 Steps to Living INTENSIVELY a life Full of Emotions and Find You Well and in Balance in Every Situation (without Feeling Bad anymore) Training Your "Emotional Independence”, Even If You Don't Believe That Things Enough May they Be Different ...

... If You Don't Trust Yours Capacity or Yours Character It Doesn't Help You!


How not to stop at the TVB


How do you express a "I love you"?

I think there are infinite ways to express a TVB.
I really like being served at the table at the bar and then returning the cup to the counter.

I don't do it because I think it will please the bartender, but because I'm glad to share the feeling of that gesture.

To listen nervous customers trying to pass it on tranquility, do sincere congratulations, to appreciate the work of others, give my availability to those who need it, these are all ways I can give the other a TVB.

A TVB is something that I have very clear inside of me, it is a "value" that I already have and that I can share in a particular moment.

When I express a TVB it is as if I polish that feeling I feel for good and that I am preparing to donate. The TVB is directed towards the outside, but it allows me to "feel" inside myself with greater taste what I feel.

Doing TVBs is a good workout to be able to say "I love you".

Saying the fateful words is much more meaningful, the message is direct, light and intense at the same time and in that moment time (at least a little….) Stops.

I would like everyone to be more used to saying "I love you", I'd like to see a progress commercial on television every day saying: "Say I love you to your loved ones, feel free to say it because there is nothing wrong with it" .

Some time ago I had a problem with hugs in the family because hugging has always been censored by my loved ones.

I think I could easily hug a stranger, but hugging one of my family members didn't come naturally. The thought was always the same: what will they think?

I wanted to create the opportunity to dispel this taboo by inventing the world hug day.
I showed up at my parents' house and with the excuse of honoring the day I asked everyone present for a hug. There was some skepticism and some suspicious smiles, but everything went smoothly.

The next day I come back and say they extended World Hug Day?
We all laughed and hugged again.

I think I do a lot of TVB every day, but I would also like to feel lighter in saying "I love you" as often as I want.

Only if I am sure of what I feel can I take every opportunity to say it without feeling conditioned by how it is received, interpreted or accepted.

A TVB does not need the approval of others!

 

I fully agree with Paul.
In the end I think that saying "I love you" or "I love you" is essentially the same thing: love.

In both cases the intention is to express, as you feel, that love towards a person.
Our culture also tells us which words to use and with whom.

But if that "I love you" serves to make two weights and two measures, to indicate that some people love them less than others (those for whom we then reserve an "I love you") then it means that we have not yet understood what it means to love.

For this reason, concluding this page, I suggest first of all to discover the difference between falling in love and love, otherwise that "I love you" will always be hostage to the couple and also read the page that I have dedicated to love.

You will understand that we end up saying we love those who just want to eat ... read it and you will understand 😉

Yes, I love you too 🙂

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