I can't be happy: how to solve the real problem

Who I am
Louise Hay
@louisehay
SOURCES CONSULTED:

wikipedia.org

Author and references

"Why can't I be happy?".

This is one of the questions I get most often. Today I'll explain the reason and also the secrets that made me and many other people happy. Here's what you'll find out:

  1. What happened to me in the last 3650 days.
  2. My test to measure your ability to live happily.
  3. There is only one reason why all unhappy people are unhappy.
  4. But did you understand what your problem really is?
  5. I'm happy: just one rule is enough to always be happy.
  6. 4 very practical and simple things to be happy immediately.

Are you ready, or ready, to find out why you can't be happy e finally learn how to be?



Well then let's get started!

 

10 years ago ...

10 years ago it was common for me to often feel disappointment when things didn't go the way I wanted.

You know when you expect someone to do the most obvious thing in the world and doesn't it?

Here, I mean just that.

And it was normal for me to often get angry with others, or maybe just get angry! And aren't moments of sadness normal?

Isn't it obvious that each of us feels sad at times?

10 years ago this was normal for me, as it is today for you, most likely.

But 10 years is a long time.

If you think about it, they are equivalent to 3650 days.

And if you want to count the hours, they are even 87600. As you can see, that's a lot of time!


In 10 years so many things have changed for me that now I no longer think that sometimes being sad is normal. I almost never get angry and I almost never feel disappointment. I am happy.


But beware, I have probably more problems than 10 years ago, but I'm happy all the same.

In all these days (3650 is really a lot!), I discovered that there is only one answer to this question ("Why can't I be happy?").

If today I no longer feel all those negative emotions that I usually do we consider normal, if today I can say with certainty that I am happy, even if the problems are not lacking, it is because I discovered this answer and, above all, I discovered what to do in order not to live an unhappy life.

I have not invented the answer, I have discovered it over the years, so I share with you the experience made on my skin in the first person, explaining why you are unable to be happy.

Surely you will realize this because reading it you will find yourself nodding "yes" with your head, or maybe you will think "this is just what happens to me every day!".

I've talked to hundreds of people in recent years, because I have not been satisfied with sharing what I was learning, I wanted help personally who started to do the path I had done a few years earlier.


For this reason I know the answers you are about to read are the ones you need to change your life.

So it has been for me and for many people I have known over the years, and it will be for you if you want to stop asking yourself "why can't I be happy?" and start being.

Before explaining how, answer the questions of my test to measure your own your ability to live a happy life.

It will allow you to understand if today you are capable of living a deeply happy life.


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I can't be happy: I'm missing something

Maybe you are missing something?

For example, you miss a loved one, or a job, or even the chance to make your own choices. Maybe you lack a quality you would like, like sympathy, or decision.

The answer is that you are missing something.

Sure, maybe you have a lot of friends, maybe you have a partner who loves you, maybe you have a good job, strong health, you live in a beautiful house, in a safe city, but ... you are still missing something.

Maybe you have what others would like and when they see that you are not happy they say to you: "You have everything you could want, but why are you not happy?"

Almost always what we lack is something that is important to us.

You care, while others often think you have enough to say "I'm happy" and don't understand you.

In these years I have experienced first on my skin, and then in the lives of all the people I have had the pleasure of knowing and helping, that the reason why we are not happy is only one: we are missing something.

Yeah, but something to do that? What use is this "something" to us.

Simple, we lack something to be happy.

Now I'll make you a list of all the things that we lack, or that we may be missing, those do matter, of course.

 

I am unhappy: you lack health

This is perhaps the most important thing. Who would believe it possible to be happy without health?

10 years ago I would have thought it absurd, but as I have already told you there are many things that I have learned in these 2.629.440 minutes.

If you lack health you can do many things, but they will not help: you can consider yourself a victim of bad luck, complain all the time, lose faith in God, if you had one, feel anger towards everything and everyone, always have a bad mood and, of course, considering it normal not to be happy with what you lack.

Come on, don't worry that I'm trying to get you to "think positive", I want to be very practical: only one of the things above has the power to make you heal or get better?

Honestly, do they have this ability?

No, of course.

And what's the point of living a life where you lack health always in a bad mood?

Always to be very realistic: if you lack this health and you can't do anything about it, it would no longer make sense to enjoy life as much as possible?

Do all the positive things you can despite your health?

 

Being unhappy: you miss your job

Without health, work, which then rhymes with money, becomes one of the most pressing needs.

It seems obvious that we cannot be happy if, without work, we do not have enough money or we have the bare minimum, perhaps having to do "somersaults" to get to the end of the month. If you get there!

Even when work is lacking, you have many possibilities: complain about the government, the crisis, the companies, the banks, the recommendations, the social system, the trade unions.

You can also live under pressure, with the constant worry of not making it, and you can comfortably be disheartened and hurt, feel useless. Who forbids you, on the other hand?

But I ask you, which of these solutions will get you a job? Which will allow you to have the money you need?

Obviously none.

The discourse that applies to health, also applies to work: that you miss him that's not a good enough reason to be unhappy.

 

Are you a selfish person?

Answer the 7 questions in my selfishness test.

It will allow you to understand if (and to what extent) you are a selfish person.
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I'm not happy: we always lack something

If they are not health or work it will be a couple relationship.

I also thought it was normal to need someone who loves us to be happy. But these 10 years have taught me a lot of things that I didn't think possible.

And then, if it's not this, it will be our appearance: don't you like yourself? Are there things you would like to change?

Maybe yes, or maybe it's not your appearance but your character.

Being outgoing, decisive, brilliant, considered nice by others. And when we do not lack this, we will perhaps miss our personal or professional fulfillment.

In short, the reason you can't be happy is only one: you are missing something.

And what happens when you realize that you are missing something? You realize you have a problem.

 

Unhappy life? You have a problem…

The most obvious thing is that you have a problem.

Think about it, if you are missing something it means that you have a problem: what you lack prevents you from doing something you would like.

You don't have a job and can't pay rent or hang out with your friends. This is a problem.

You don't look good and can't find a person who cares about you, to hang out with and get to know you, and This is a problem.

Or you do not know how to make decisions and therefore you do not face situations in the right way, perhaps finding yourself in trouble easily, and also This is a problem.

At bottom, if it weren't a problem, you wouldn't think you're missing something.

When we realize we need what we don't have, it's always because without it we cannot get what we want.

We all have problems.

They can be large and small, insignificant or huge. But it all depends on your point of view.

After all, you know very well that for others, yours are always fewer problems than they face! Quite right?

In my opinion it is impossible to tell if your problem is more serious than that of a friend or another person.

You have a problem, big or small that may appear to others, it's yours, and only you know how hard it is to deal with it.

When you have a problem what do you do?

You focus on the problem, and usually this means that you focus on what you lack, on the things you don't have, on the bad luck that has fallen on you (why me ?!) or on the difficulties that this entails.

Problems often make our life more difficult, they take away our time from the things we really would like to do, they prevent us from enjoying what we have achieved, they are uncomfortable and require effort and precious time.

I'll tell you something I've learned over these 10 years: if you have a problem that's fine.

This is normal, this is normal. No problem, read this sentence well, it has the power to make you miserable.

So why can't you? I'll explain it to you in a few lines, but read them carefully.

  1. You can't be happy because you are missing something.
  2. You notice the problem and do everything to fix it.
  3. If you don't succeed, insist.
  4. If you solve it, you realize, about half a second later, that you are missing something else.
  5. You notice the new problem and go out of your way to fix it too. Like above.
  6. And then, once solved? Simple, you realize that you are still missing something, and the tour starts again, just like the hamster in the wheel.

The difference between you and him? He is hairy, soft and cute 🙂

In addition you run in the hope of achieving happiness, but you run in a wheel, consoled, or consoled, by the effort you make, by the effort, by your commitment that, it's useless, but it looks like a really great job!

 

Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?

Answer my test questions to find out.

It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.

Start quiz Continue Complete the form below to see the results Leave your name and email to subscribe to my newsletter and receive the test results. Your name: Your email: I consent to the processing of my data in compliance with the privacy regulations. Show results

 

Being unhappy - where are you aiming?

We play a game.

Grab any object you find within reach and throw it. Did you hit the target?

I know, what I'm saying doesn't make sense because I haven't told you what the target is.

What I wrote may seem silly to you, but that's what we do every day.

We want to be happy but we don't know what happiness is, how to recognize it and how to get there.

It is not enough for you to know that you cannot be happy because you are always missing something.

You need to know how to achieve your goal, that is, to be happy, and only then will you be able to understand if what you are missing is really the problem.

Let's get off the wheel!

Happiness is not satisfaction.

You feel satisfaction when you get what you want. You want to go out with a girl and she accepts. You want a favor from your friend and he does it to you, you want a gift from your boyfriend and you get it.

SATISFACTION.

Happiness is when you are well whatever happens, you no longer need anything, you have everything you really need to feel good.

Do you notice any differences?

Here is my definition of happiness:

"A state of mind of deep, authentic and lasting well-being"

Be happy it does not mean that you no longer have problems. That usually happens when you die.

Be happy it doesn't mean having everything you want. That happens when you dream, if we're lucky!

Be happy it does not mean that everything is perfect. That happens in movies, usually in the end, and it's not very real.

Being happy means feeling good and having joy and enthusiasm as you deal with problems, you confront the difficulties or choices of others, while living a real life, not from the cinema

 

I am happy: the most important rule

Could you ever win a game you don't know the rules of?

If we play a game of cards, but you don't know the game, you don't know what value the various cards have or how the points are counted, you will probably never win.

What makes you believe that life is different? It is not!

We started with the question why can't I be happy? And here are three very good reasons:

  1. You are missing something that is important to you.
  2. You are not clear what happiness is.
  3. You don't know how to get there.

Now I'll explain the basic rule that changed my life and which, of course, I ignored a few years ago.

Maybe we don't notice, but happiness, after all, it is a state of mind.

Trivial, right?

What really changed my life was discovering how emotion arises within us.

I also thought it depended on what others were doing or saying, or on the things that happened to me.

But I was wrong.

Do you know what determines your moods?

What do you think.

Point, very simple.

The emotions they are created by your mind and do not depend on what happens to you, but only from how you live it.

Have you ever seen a candid camera? What happen?

A person thinks to be in a situation and reacts in a certain way. Maybe she is afraid, she gets angry, she is disgusted or excited.

Everything is pure fiction, a farce.

But that person no her to be the protagonist of a joke.

That person thinks that everything is real and creates very real emotions within itself, but which do not depend on reality, as she is surrounded by actors who pretend.

The emotions he feels are true though.

What generates them? The fake thief? The provocative fake saleswoman? The fake police officer?

No, it generates the mind of the protagonist who judges what happens.

When he finds out that it's all a joke, his emotions often change.

From fear to anger, from excitement to disappointment, from anxiety to calm. And maybe within a few minutes or seconds.

You can experience two types of emotions:

  • Positive if you think what you are experiencing it is something favorable and will make you happy.
  • Negative, if you think what you are experiencing it is something that could harm you.

You can't be happy not for what you miss, but for what you think, for how you live your life.

 

How not to be sad: 4 things you can do right away

We have seen that you cannot be happy because you are missing something.

Obviously, and you think it's health, or work, or an important relationship, fulfillment, or quality or whatever.

But none of this is what you really miss.

I have explained to you that happiness is one thing, satisfaction is another and I have also told you that to be happy you don't have to remove every problem or get whatever you want.

Finally I showed you the most important rule to start from: emotions are your responsibility, happy or unhappy it depends on what you think.

So I want to give you 4 very concrete suggestions to start making your own what you really miss to be happy.

 

1. Emotional independence

You create your emotions, your moods.

Do you feel anger? You chose it. Do you feel joy? You always chose it.

Obviously I know that you don't realize this, but it happens anyway, and it's up to you.

Here's what you need to do: observe yourself when you feel an emotion. Since it is born of your thoughts, ask yourself what you thought.

You have issued a negative judgment. Which?

You will never be happy without becoming aware of how you create your unhappiness, because that's the same way you could, and sometimes does, create your own happiness.

 

2. Quality of your time

Stop running inside the wheel right away.

No need, you will not go anywhere.

Do you know what I have learned over the years? That we have all the time we need, but we use it badly.

Here's what you need to do: take at least 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening, isolate yourself and stay in silence to reflect, think about yourself, listen and observe. Without haste, without frenzy.

It doesn't matter how many things you do in your life, but what you will do and how.

Quality, therefore.

By the way, here is an exercise that will help you tremendously.

Learning to take breaks, even from your problems, will be the best way to find the right solutions.

For example, I happen to want to distract myself from a problem to free my mind and solve it.

Observing an insect by focusing on its movements works great. Watching what happens around you will be invaluable.

But focus on what you see, you can come back to the problem later.

Again I have a practical guide to recommend, in which I'll explain the secrets to learn to love yourself and really take care of yourself.

I have tried them all and I guarantee you they will do you great.

 

3. True passion

Do the things you love, believe in.

Maybe you're not doing your dream job either, the one you really love.

Change is possible, but it is also a complex issue and this is not where we will address it.

However, take time every day to cultivate your passions. It also takes 30 minutes, but dedicate them to the things, and to the people, you love.

Put enthusiasm in what you do, even if it's a job you don't like. Whatever it is, think that your loved ones will benefit from it.

Think about this as you work, bring enthusiasm into your life.

If you want to live on your passions, which I recommend and which is more achievable than you think, find out now how to find the job you dream and love.

 

4. Authentic love

Acting with love means "give something without asking for anything in return".

If you are expecting gratitude, gratitude, appreciation, kindness, you are obviously demanding something. That's no good!

Here's what you need to do: begins to make gestures of love towards others. Colleagues, friends, acquaintances, children, strangers. Make no exceptions, but you don't need to become the hero, or the heroine.

Simple things are enough, such as: really listening, being polite, doing a small favor, giving up your job, teaching something you know, excusing a mistake without criticizing.

Start doing at least a gesture of love every day, towards anyone.

I assure you that it is impossible to be happy without giving love to others. I repeat, anyone else.

Read what I wrote right away about unconditional love that I am advising you to practice.

Do you want to be happy? Then read it now and put into practice any advice I am giving you.

 

 

I am happy: here's how to get there too!

Now you know why you can't be happy.

Stop looking outside for what you can only find within yourself. If you create happiness according to what you think and how you live, change your thoughts and way of life, and you will be happy.

Immediately implement the 4 practical tips I gave you.

Get off the wheel and remember that you don't you can achieve something different if you stubbornly do what you've always done.

Obvious? Of course, but almost everyone says it without doing it!

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