There are some times when we feel alone, even though we are surrounded by people. Being with others does not imply connecting with them. For example, at a party where we have nothing to do with it, not only will we get bored but we will also feel excluded, strange and alone. But sooner or later the party will end, we will go back to our house and get rid of these unpleasant sensations.
The problem starts when the people we interact with every day, people who should be emotionally close to us, make us feel alone. If we do not immediately realize this loneliness in company or simply do not know how to end this situation, we will be invaded by a huge emptiness and we will suffer emotional wounds that are difficult to heal.
The signs that we are alone, even if we are in company
We tend to think that once we have found a partner or after the first child, we will no longer feel alone. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. The type of relationship we establish and the conflicts that arise over time can make us feel alone and misunderstood even when accompanied. But sometimes we take too long to understand where the feeling of emptiness is coming from and let years pass before we face the problem. By then our emotional balance will have deteriorated.
The good news is that it is possible to prevent the situation from getting worse by simply recognizing the signs that we are alone, even if we have someone by our side:
- The person who should motivate you in your new projects and ideas, discourages you and creates obstacles.
- The person who should support you in difficult times blames you for what happens and washes his hands.
- The person who should share your interests, constantly criticizes you and does not consider your tastes and needs.
- The person who should be next to you does not give you quality time, so you do not feel understood or loved.
- The person who should help you grow and improve, makes you feel inferior.
The emotional wounds that accompanied loneliness generates
Spending time with the wrong person can become a very negative experience that will open deep emotional wounds. In these cases, a deep sense of guilt also tends to appear. In fact, the problem is often that this type of loneliness is experienced as a rejection. Thus, slowly, this person will feel more and more inadequate and unworthy of affection, therefore his self-esteem will be destroyed. If the situation is not resolved in time, depression can emerge, as the person sinks into a state of apathy and loses the joy of living.
On the other hand, sometimes this person tries to do everything possible to get the attention of others. Thus, the quest for approval can end up turning it into a puppet in their hands. At this point, her mood and self-esteem will depend on the attention, praise or criticism of others, which will lead her on an emotional roller coaster that will eventually cause him great imbalances.
Why is it so hard to break up?
Deciding to end a relationship that really makes you feel alone can become very complicated for several factors.
- Nothing is black and white. In interpersonal relationships, nothing is black or white. This means that perhaps that person who makes us feel alone today was at another time a source of joy, support and satisfaction. Those memories keep us tied to the past, obviating the problems of the present.
- Fear of leaving the comfort zone. Even though we are aware that we are not going through our best time, we may have gotten used to this situation and found a balance within the malaise, and we fear that our decision will make things worse. Habits and routines are very powerful factors that keep us tied to situations that harm us.
- Refusal of "bankruptcy". On many occasions, when we decide to give the other person a second, third or fourth chance, we are actually giving it to ourselves. Some people believe, for example, that divorce is failure and are reluctant to accept it, and try to rekindle a relationship that is already dead.
Loneliness by Choice: Enjoying your company is an extraordinary gift
Abandoning a relationship in which we feel alone, a relationship that, instead of satisfying our needs, creates problems and deficiencies, is an act of self-love and, in many cases, even of survival. Worrying about your psychological balance and giving yourself another chance is truly the best gift you can give yourself.
At this point it is not necessary to immediately seek another person to fill the void, but we should learn to be comfortable with ourselves, enjoy our company and do the things we like. It is a question of assuming this as a phase of growth and discovery, to accept ourselves and close the wounds that that relationship left us.
The English poet John Milton had already said it in the seventeenth century: "Loneliness is sometimes the best company, and a short exile makes the return sweet".