7 attitudes that prevent you from being happy

Who I am
Robert Maurer


Author and references
Happiness is not a goal, it is a way of life. But we often look at happiness as a goal, something that is achieved, a sort of prepackaged package made up of certainties. So, we try to find her in different places, sometimes by buying things, changing jobs or starting a new relationship. However, these are nothing more than intermediaries of happiness. Therefore, despite our best efforts, happiness becomes elusive and slips away from us. In reality, the problem is that the goals that have created us, instead of getting closer to happiness, take us away from that state of satisfaction and peace that we seek. In fact, we often set goals that do not serve to achieve emotional balance, but destabilize us, force us to undertake a career that fills us with stress and dissatisfaction.

What are the behaviors, goals and dreams that prevent happiness?

1. Try to please everyone. Actor Bill Cosby once said, "I don't know what the secret to success is, but I know the key to failure is trying to please everyone." We live in society, so that we have to follow certain rules and be able to adapt to specific contexts, but this does not mean that we have to lose our identity and, above all, forget our dreams. At some point, you will meet on your path people who do not share your values, opinions and your vision of the world. You don't have to change to satisfy these people, because you run the risk of getting lost. 2. Wanting a perfect life. The expectations we have largely determine the level of satisfaction with what we have achieved. If we imagine that to be happy we need a perfect life, perhaps we will never achieve happiness. Perfection should not be a requirement for happiness as it is almost never achieved. However, if you learn to adapt your expectations to reality, you will be able to enjoy the small details more and feel happiness in them, even if things are not perfect. It is not about conforming, but adopting a more realistic perspective that expands your universe of possibilities into the here and now. 3. Pursue wealth. Numerous studies have confirmed that money cannot buy happiness. Once our basic needs are met, wealth doesn't make the difference between happiness and unhappiness. In fact, it has been shown that the mere mention of money makes us take a more tense attitude and prevent us from enjoying the things around us. Remember that wealth does not guarantee happiness, but pursuing it at all costs is a guarantee of unhappiness. 4. Build your own kingdom. The size of the universe is very limited when we place ourselves in the center. Living selfishly, trying to build a stronghold around you, is not the best way to find satisfaction and happiness. In fact, it has been shown that one of the keys to being happy is openness to others, being generous and willing to help. In the act of helping others, the joy of living and a purpose in life are rediscovered. Therefore, every time you help someone, you are actually increasing your share of happiness. 5. Strive for recognition. We all need a certain degree of recognition, through this we strengthen our self-esteem and improve the conception of ourselves. But everything has a limit, and asking for recognition at any cost leads us only to pursue the objectives that society promotes, which do not coincide with ours and do not make us happy. Getting recognition is satisfying, but seeking it makes us miserable. 6. Seek pleasure. Some people confuse pleasure with happiness, so they fall into the mistake of engaging in hedonistic behavior. However, even if pleasure generates pleasant sensations and makes us feel good, it is not happiness, it does not give us the tranquility and well-being we need to achieve psychological balance. In fact, pleasure can generate addiction, locking us in a vicious circle in which we will need more and more to feel good. Of course, this doesn't mean we should deny ourselves the pleasure, but give it the place it deserves, without overestimating it. 7. Look for distraction. We don't like boredom, we hate being bored. So we tend to always look for distractions. It is perfectly understandable since we need new incentives to grow as people and develop our skills. But everything has a limit. In this information saturated world, distractions can distance us from ourselves and others. Looking for distractions is good, but it is also essential to enjoy the silence and know how to be alone with ourselves. Distractions should help us grow, not hinder our development, hiding our fears and insecurities. Remember that happiness is something we choose every day, it is not a goal, but a path.
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