5 childhood wounds that determine how you will educate your children

5 childhood wounds that determine how you will educate your children

Perhaps, when you look back, you feel nostalgia for your childhood, for the incredible happiness you felt during those years and the good times you lived. It may also be that your childhood wasn't exactly all plain sailing and you have no desire to remember it.

But in both cases, these experiences will determine how you educate your children. Your childhood is revealed in your personality and the educational style you take on as a parent. All of these experiences, both positive and negative, have transformed you into the person you are and will determine to a greater or lesser extent how you will raise your children.

The misconceptions, and more widespread, that parents apply in the education of their children

1. "My children must have everything I never had"

This idea is quite common in people who had financial problems during their childhood, couldn't have the same toys as their classmates or couldn't dress alike, and felt despised or inferior because of it. Thus, as they grow up, they tend to swear to themselves that their children will never have to go through the same situations but will have everything they never had.

There is certainly nothing wrong with buying your children toys, clothes and anything else they need. However, these parents often make the mistake of thinking that all of these items are enough to make their children happy. But is not so! Too many toys anesthetize children. More important than material possessions is that children spend quality time with their parents and, above all, that they understand that they are unique and do not need to have the same things as others to be happy. This is the only way to educate a self-confident child who knows what he wants and is not willing to follow others without thinking.

2. "I'll never do this to my children"

There are people still haunted by the traumas of childhood. Maybe it was the day when their parents embarrassed them in front of their classmates, or when they refused to buy them that toy they had been dreaming of for so long, or when they chose to change cities and schools regardless of their opinion. That event left a big scar, so deep, on the person that he assures that he will never do such a thing to his children.

The problem is that these parents design their educational strategy based solely on what they should not do, using a never-passed childhood trauma as a model. Normally this style of education ends up leaving too much freedom for the child, because, for fear of harming him, the parents do not set rules and become friends with the child. Of course, there is nothing wrong with parents establishing a relationship based on friendship and trust with their children, but they shouldn't forget that norms and rules are essential to making sense of the world of children. When a child grows up without rules he will never know what is expected of him and the likelihood of developing difficult behaviors increases. This is how rude children are created.

3. "If it was enough for me it will be enough for my children too"

Many parents tend to think they should replicate the conditions they grew up in. Usually these are people who think that children's character is forged through experimentation, and while the longer it lasts, the better. These parents impose an authoritarian upbringing, marked by limits and strict rules, transforming the house into a barracks.

Obviously, the rules are important to ensure coexistence in the family, but it is also necessary that children are free and develop their independence and autonomy. Also, we must not forget that every person is different and therefore, educational guidelines that work with some may be ineffective with others. At the same time, it is important to remember that social conditions have changed, which means that what was normal just a few decades ago may now be outdated and even harmful to the baby.

4. "My children will do everything that I could not do"

This idea is common among those who were not supported by their parents who forced them to do something they did not want. As a result, they believe they have missed "the opportunity of a lifetime" and cannot move on, but continue to accumulate frustration and resentment. Thus, they try to get a second chance through their children and encourage them from an early age to do the things they like, enrolling them in extracurricular activities that actually interest them, not the children.

It is likely that the child really has some potential and talent in a certain area, but perhaps he is not interested and is passionate about something else. Insisting on this path means making the same mistake as parents, but without realizing it. Each child is unique, and the role of the parents is to guide him to discover his strengths and passions, but he must be the one to decide which direction to go. Deciding for him means taking away an opportunity.

5. "I will never allow anything bad to happen to my children"

Parents who have had negative experiences in childhood tend to develop an overprotective educational style. It's understandable, they think the world is a hostile place and they need to protect their children. They don't want their children to have the same experiences, and they tend to remove all obstacles in their path, to make sure they have an idyllic childhood.

Obviously, this is not about traumatizing children or exposing them to unnecessary risks, but we must not forget that resilience only develops by facing difficult situations. This means that when there is a problem, instead of hiding and solving it, parents should encourage the child to seek solutions and make decisions. This is the best gift that can be given to him because in this way he is offered the psychological tools necessary to face the challenges of life, which will probably be many and from which he will not always be able to protect himself.

Learn to move on

Many of these attitudes, which are reflected in the parents' educational style, hide a wound that has not yet healed. These parents have failed to make peace with their childhood, with the lived experiences, decisions and behaviors of their parents. As a result, they still carry the influence, often without realizing it, and think they are helping their children.

To eliminate these limiting ideas, the first step is to become aware of their existence, and to understand how they express themselves through the daily relationship with your children. So you should let the wounds heal, let go of resentment. You will see that, little by little, you will be taking your children's education from a different perspective.

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