When we suffer from a trauma or an emotional wound, the child who is still inside us continues to react as if he were in danger, preventing us from responding in an adaptive and appropriate way to our age and maturity. In practice, faced with certain situations, this frightened, humiliated and abandoned child takes over. Of course, in these cases, it can do us more harm than good.
The theory of attachmentTo understand the effect that childhood trauma has on our adult life, it is necessary to delve into the theory of attachment. According to this, to understand the type of relationships we establish in adulthood, it is essential to go into the past, analyze the relationships we have established with our parents or the important figures in our life. parents and the way they establish relationships with their children have profound implications for how children will react in the future. This emotional relationship will survive over time because it is the basis on which we build our "I". Indeed, on the basis of this relationship we have built a series of internal models that guide us and allow us to interpret the environment.When this relationship has generated a secure bond, there are great chances that we will become open and self-confident people. When this bond is avoidant, ambivalent or disorganized, we will have a distorted and negative view of the world and of ourselves, so that, in the end, we will have to face more conflicts and we will not have the necessary psychological resources to deal with them. Emotional wounds of childhood are not a burden that we will have to carry endlessly, but it is important to learn to recognize them, because only in this way will we be able to heal and move on.
The childhood wounds that hurt the most as adults1. Rejection. The fear of rejection arises as soon as the child realizes that he is independent from his parents, around the age of two. At that moment, the child begins to actively seek acceptance of the figures that are important to him. If these people reject him, it will create an emotional wound that is difficult to heal, because he will create the belief that he is not good enough or worthy of being loved. Rejection in childhood causes self-loathing and generates low self-esteem. These are people who will be constantly afraid of failure and in desperate need of approval from others. Slowly gaining the courage to take risks and make decisions for yourself. You will notice that, by increasing your confidence, the opinion of others will stop influencing you. In this way, you will begin to live more fully, doing what you enjoy and are passionate about.
2. The abandonment. Children need others to grow, only through this contact will their personality be formed correctly. However, if your parents have always been absent, even from an emotional point of view, the child inside you will feel abandoned, will have no support to turn to in case of need. Therefore, people who experienced neglect in childhood tend to feel insecure and develop emotional dependence, based on a deep fear of being abandoned again.How to heal from this wound? First, it is important to learn how to feel good about yourself. It is not necessary to always have people around you, sometimes loneliness is a good advisor. Remember that we meet many people throughout our lives, and it is normal for our paths to go our separate ways at some point. Learn to accept changes and develop an optimistic view of interpersonal relationships, perhaps just around the corner there is a wonderful person waiting for you.
3. The humiliation. Social rejection and humiliation have been shown not only to cause suffering, but also physical pain, because these feelings share the same brain circuits as pain. Humiliation is already difficult for an adult to bear, so that in a child it can cause a terrible injury. In fact, you probably still remember a moment in your childhood when you felt humiliated. If this situation occurs frequently, it is likely that the person develops a defense mechanism that makes him become tyrannical and selfish, it is a shield to defend himself from humiliation in the future.How to heal from this wound? In this case, it is important learn to forgive. Only when we let go of the grudges we have held for years, can we find our true 'me', which is not a frightened child who needs to defend himself, but a self-confident adult who knows his abilities and does not hesitate to defend himself. its rights in an assertive way.
4. Injustice. I recently discovered that very young children, as young as 15 months, have a sufficiently developed sense of justice to classify an equal or unequal situation. Therefore, receiving an education in which they have been subjected to constant injustices has deeply torn their "I", giving them the idea that they are not worthy of the attention of others. An adult who has suffered from injustices as a child, can become an insecure person or, conversely, cynical, with a pessimistic outlook on life. This person will have a hard time trusting others and building relationships because, subconsciously, they think everyone will treat them badly. You need to understand that you now have other resources available to enforce your rights and receive more dignified treatment.
5. The betrayal. One of the things children do not forgive is betrayal, especially on the part of their parents. However, this is a fairly common situation, as many parents make promises they don't keep. In this way they generate in the child the idea that the world is an unreliable place. However, if we don't trust people we end up becoming hermits, isolated from the world, people who will never be able to achieve anything and who will feel deeply alone. These people usually behave coldly, try to build a wall in their interpersonal relationships and do not let others enter their private life.How to heal from this wound? The fact that the people you trusted have betrayed you does not mean that everyone will. To build strong relationships, you need to let others into your life and trust. Only when you let yourself go will others trust you.