To start living again after a breakup

To start living again after a breakup

Feeling better after a breakup can be a tough challenge. This turning point can turn our world upside down and outline a picture of uncertainties where we previously saw certainties. How to do? Here are 5 strategies.

To start living again after a breakup

Last update: February 02, 2022

There are events that tear us apart. An emotional breakup can be one of them, as well as an inevitable life experience. A difficult moment that often shatters our future plans or our life plans with another person. Getting back to life after a breakup is sometimes difficult, but never impossible.

We can feel like castaways, unaware of where to go, how to reach it and how to feel better. Don't despair! In this article, we propose some strategies for feeling better after a romantic breakup.

Every person is different, as are every experience and every relationship. In fact, there is no magic formula to overcome a breakup (and least of all applicable to everyone). You have to experience the emotions caused by the breakup and, unfortunately, there is no "remedy" for that. However, we can do something to get better or even to shorten this emotional path.

“Big changes are always accompanied by a lot of confusion. It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new one. "


Tips to start living again after a breakup

There is no single way to feel better when we are facing the end of a phase, in this case of a relationship. However, there are many ways to approach the situation in a positive and healthy way.

A breakup typically marks a big turning point. Few people, however, regret this experience once lived. It is, in fact, rich in teaching, as well as a great source of resilience.

We leave you some tips to overcome the pain caused by the breakup, but there are many others. Find your way, any path is valid if it makes you feel better.

Allow yourself to experience all the emotions

The first idea for getting better after a breakup is as follows: give yourself permission to feel your emotions, to be sad, angry, scared, frustrated, disappointed, etc.

The first step is to accept that the breakup is hurting us or that it is causing a series of feelings and emotions that are completely normal. Remember that all emotions have a right to exist, and therefore they are all equally valid. Recognizing them and not repressing them will allow you to manage the loss.

“An emotion does not cause pain. Resistance or suppression of an emotion causes pain. "

-Frederick Dodson-

Give space to emotions

In line with the previous point, we introduce the following idea: give space to emotion. What does it mean? In addition to trying it, we must give emotion its space, its moment, its time.

For example, if you are sad, don't go out of your way to distract yourself. Stop, breathe and listen to your body: do you need a break, to breathe, to cry?

It is a good idea to listen to a song in tune with the emotion felt; this will allow you to let off steam, free yourself and, ultimately, to give space to emotions.

Zero contact

Zero contact is a very useful tool when we need to break away from the person who, until recently, was our partner. It can help, almost immediately, to start living again after a breakup.

Because it allows us to get rid of all those harmful expectations that end up generating anxiety and frustration. It allows us to begin to face the new reality: that person is no longer in our life.

Thus we begin a path of real mourning, we must reconfigure and reorganize our reality. We need to get used to the loss (and absence) as soon as possible.

“What is emotional isolation with the ex-partner for? It helps us come to terms with loss, move forward and remember who we were before we were one with the other person. It means taking control of the situation. "

-Cristina Lago-


Although let off steam, express your feelings and face the new reality in a way aware are fundamental processes, it is equally essential to look for spaces to disconnect.

This means setting new goals and thinking about new projects (something you are passionate about, an old forgotten hobby, etc.). In a sense, occupying your time with something that keeps you "distracted", even if it involves cleaning the house.

This does not mean running away from the situation, or from the pain, but rather leave some space for themselves to escape. This is, in a sense, a form of self-care and self-love.

The ideal way to start living again after a breakup is to combine the two sides of the coin: moments of disconnection and others of connection with our inner universe.

Take care of yourself

In relation to the last point, self-care is essential when dealing with a breakup. That what does self-care imply? Focus on yourself.

Try to sleep well, respect your routine and sleep hours, eat well, rest, indulge in a little pleasure from time to time and, in short, listen to what your body (and mind) needs in every moment.

Why is it important to take care of ourselves? Because to face a painful event we have to be strong, full of energy (even if there will be moments of weakness, also necessary to learn).

In addition to this, self-love helps us not to invest further energy and attention on the other person (the ex), but to put ourselves at the center of our life. Prioritize yourself and love yourself, you deserve it!

How to start living again after a breakup according to science

We've presented five ways to start living again after a breakup, but what does the science say about it? A study by Langeslag et al. (2018), published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, presents three possible strategies to overcome a breakup. Here they are:

  • Think about your ex's flaws.
  • Accept and master the feelings of love for the ex-partner.
  • Distract yourself with good intentions that have nothing to do with your ex.

What did this study reveal? That all three strategies (although none are perfect) serve to reduce the emotional response. Bottom line: Trying out some of these strategies (or any of the above) can be a good starting point for dealing with the situation.

Nothing happens by chance, after all things have their own secret plan, even if we don't understand it.

-Carlos Ruiz Zafón-

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