The vertigo of lack of love, when everything ends

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Robert Maurer

The vertigo of lack of love, when everything ends

What is lack of love? How does it affect a person's emotional sphere? A journey into a feeling similar to vertigo and difficult to accept.

Last update: January 28, 2022

That descent in which one is afraid of experiencing the deepest loneliness, which can no longer be defeated by hope. That excruciating feeling of emptiness that makes the intimate bond you had with the world disappear. Disaffection is that terrifying vertigo that collapses the idealization of the loved one. As shown in the famous film The Woman Who Lived Twice by Alfred Hitchcock.

The lack of love creates a dizziness due to the fact that the partner falls from the top of lost happiness, without that we can do anything to prevent it. There are no barriers or parachutes to keep the long-gone feeling of peace and balance intact. Any security in the relationship is dismantled, making us lose our balance. Just what happens to the protagonist of the Hitchcock film.

Faced with this situation, people keep fleeing or maintain an ideal structure that secures the idealization of the beloved, a person who ends up existing only as a creation, in the imagination.

Love is itself a creation of our imagination, of what we would like it to be.

Lack of love sometimes causes a refusal to surrender to reality, but when disaffection arises, there is no solution to the trauma of separation. Pain can no longer be transformed into magic. With this vertigo, it all ends.

The excruciating vertigo of lack of love

Surely you too would prefer to forget, once and for all, a love story that ended badly. Dizziness appears when you realize that there is a block that cannot be overcome. The lack of reciprocity, for example, or of intrigue or mystery, as well as tiredness or even a deep disappointment.

The death of love: recognizing that the other was never what you thought they were. That dreamed and reciprocated love was, on the other hand, a stupid illusion, marked by lies and carried on wearing vulgar masks. The feeling of emptiness becomes alive, of a relationship in which the other is now like a stranger. Everything crumbles and loses meaning. And where you used to hear the heartbeat, now you notice an echo. Which is precisely, the rumble of something that sounds empty.

When this happens, there is a sharp and deep wound in the heart, a wound that is impossible to close and that leaves inert. Eventually, you were able to see your partner for who they really are, without using the filter of idealization. The path taken together appears flat, useless, meaningless.

A lack of love that is vertigo because you fall from the top of your imagination, but never find a ground on which to stop the fall. And then the doubt, that questioning whether it is all over or if, on the contrary, it has never begun.

Everyone likes to daydream, build a projection of love in their mind. Sometimes because the reality is unbearable, for a trauma or a great disappointment suffered. Before facing that vertigo that comes with all its strength, we try to turn our backs on the past. But reality cannot be overcome so quickly and, over time, this page of memories turns into fantasy.

On this idealization of the other, imagined without defects or dark sides, marriages and illusions of Platonic loves are supported, stories unable to end and which will eventually resume their path. Sometimes so many scenarios are created that you lose contact and a sense of reality, which could have been wonderful. Maybe next to that person who had loved you, spoiled you and who would never abandon you.

True love is rooted in reality, not in the imagination

Of course, love needs magic, looks and silences. It does not feed only on what is explicitly said, in the light of the day, of normality which can become predictable and boring. Sometimes words are the spring of a feared and delayed reality, of something that had to be brought to light and that was kept hidden, like a kind of inner treasure.

Each love story is different. AND, if you think yours is 90% what you've always imagined, well, you have a problem. There are stories that manage to overcome this almost childish attitude, managing to grow and mature into something much more solid and lasting. They start from the image, but manage to abandon the long-desired and dreamed idealization, finally embracing reality, as imperfect as it is special and uncontrollable.

But this result can only be achieved if you have the courage to descend from the peak of your imagination, partially renouncing your expectations. And, this is a very hard step to take.

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