The no contact rule aims to leave an emotional bond behind forever. For this purpose, it is essential not to call, send messages or look at social profiles. It will be the most effective strategy to move forward with greater dignity.
Last update: June 05, 2022
Sometimes we are forced to leave someone we love, but to live with is unsustainable and harmful. In these cases it is essential to respect the no contact rule.
Any form of communication is definitively cut off. The aim is to get over the breakup grief as soon as possible and move on.
It is important to clarify one detail. Some people opt for no contact as a temporary form of punishment and to attract the attention of the other. It is not the right thing to do. Manipulation never works and is an act of total immaturity.
The choice to limit or cancel contacts must be definitive and accompanied by adequate mental preparation. Therefore, it is necessary to know how to manage the desire to send messages, audio and make calls.
More importantly, leaving a person also means not thinking about what they might do or who they are with. This necessarily implies not fall into the temptation of stalking or controlling the ex partner on social media.
The zero contact rule is a mental support tool for ourselves. It allows us to free ourselves from the bond with someone who, until recently, was important in our lives.
How to respect the no contact rule
Respecting the no contact rule implies seeing this resource as a detoxification strategy. The aim is to put an end to the still latent emotional dependence on the ex partner.
After all, leaving the channels of communication open will make us fall into the temptation to contact the other. And what's worse, arousing feelings that no longer have meaning or place.
In these cases, therefore, adequate impulse control must be promoted. This is also supported by research work conducted at the University of Deusto and the University of Madrid. The big problem with addictive relationships is unhealthy attachment and impulsive behavior. Dimensions that make a definitive break difficult.
Almost without realizing it, we fall into “chewing gum” bonds, that is, tense but never completely broken. Falling into these dynamics increases suffering. It is therefore advisable to adopt adequate strategies that will always start from the necessary no contact.
1. Avoid emotional confusion: A breakup is an end point
There are people who end a relationship without making it clear what it means. If the goal is to leave a bond that causes unhappiness, it is essential to be clear that there is no room for a parenthesis.
Accept that what you need: tranquility, balance and psychological well-being. To resume that relationship would be a big mistake, so we need to achieve that goal.
The other person must also be clear about the end. To avoid emotional confusion, yes it will also avoid the "let's remain friends".
2. Inform others
Family, friends, co-workers… It is recommended that the entire social circle be aware of the breakup and respect it.
This also means avoiding comments like "I saw your ex with someone else" or "Your ex is very sad and she misses you." Likewise, no one should act as an intermediary to relay messages from that person with whom we no longer wish to have contact.
3. Delete the ex from social networks
Most of us have a social life and a digital life. It is essential to eliminate the partner from the entire digital universe of social networks and also from our mobile contacts.
In this way we will avoid the temptation not only to know the other, but also to see glimpses of life through the photos they publish.
When we feel the need to contact our ex-partner, we look for other sources of dopamine that draw our brain's attention.
4. Check the impulses to contact the former partner
When it comes to respecting the no contact rule, we can think of our mind as that of an addict: we feel a compulsive need to contact the person.
Part of us is obsessed with looking at the Instagram profile, knowing if it is online on WhatsApp ... Our brain needs that dose of dopamine it is used to, so it is difficult. What to do?
- Accept the feelings: After a breakup, it is normal to feel sadness, nostalgia, bewilderment and even anger.
- Consider what will happen if you contact the person again: a temporary surge of happiness that will again end in suffering, loss of dignity and further psychological exhaustion.
- Look for other sources of dopamine that increase well-being and enthusiasm: starting new projects, seeing other people, discovering new hobbies, etc.
- Distracting attention from the cell phone will avoid the temptation to contact the ex.
- To respect the no contact, do not hesitate to trust your friends. Whenever you feel the need to text your ex, call that friend you can talk to.
5. Respect no contact by rediscovering the forgotten sources of happiness
There are relationships in which love becomes an obsession. We go blind and see only the other person, we orbit around a figure that obscures everything. The time invested in that bond is lost, precious time that we have stopped investing in our happiness.
Let's be clear, if we follow the strategies to respect the no contact, we will discover that with the passing of the days we will gain more control over our lives.
Dependence and obsession with being close to those who hurt us will decrease. Only then will we discover the sources of happiness we had forgotten. Those in which our authentic essence of person was inscribed. It can be extremely difficult at first, but it is very beneficial.