People who exhaust us and steal our energy

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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There are people who exhaust us. These people consume our time, energy and sometimes even our patience. After meeting them we feel psychologically tired, as if they have sucked in our emotional energy.

Their attitudes and words exhaust us, so these people end up becoming real saboteurs of calm, balance, positivity and, ultimately, our happiness. Unfortunately, we are not always aware of the impact of these types of bonds on our psychological health, so we continue to carry their negative influence.



The 5 most common types of people who get tired

There are different behaviors that can produce this psychological drainage, so we can refer to different exhausting profiles:

1. In tuttology. It is usually people with excessive egos who take an arrogant attitude in their relationships. They think they know everything and always have advice or criticism ready for us. They tell us what we should do and how we should do it, so facing them is just exhausting.

2. Chronic dissatisfied. These are people who develop a demanding attitude because they do not feel satisfied with anything and always want more. They are unable to see their successes and focus on the positives because they always have their eyes on what they are missing, so relating to them ends up exhausting us.

3. People with the martyr complex. These people continually draw attention to their misfortunes and sufferings. Their dialogue tends to repeat over and over everything they have done for others and their ability to sacrifice themselves, so our problems and needs are always relegated to second or third place.

4. People who don't stop complaining. This is one of the most exhausting people profiles as they always have a problem for every solution. They are highly pessimistic people who make complaining their way of life, often assuming the attitude of the victim. They are authentic specialists in demolishing any project and hope, dying our hope gray.



5. People with a narcissistic personality. These people require so much attention that they become exhausting. They feel an excessive need for admiration and will do anything to achieve it. They believe they are unique and special, so they despise others and only use them to reassert themselves. Their deep self-centeredness is what ends up draining us emotionally.

Negative emotions spread twice as fast as positive ones

Exhausting people can be anywhere: at work, among our friends and, of course, within the family. They absorb our positive energy to feed their inexhaustible hunger for negativity, leaving us exhausted, exhausted and unhappy. They act like an "emotional garbage truck"; that is to say, they carry with them a huge load of negative emotions that they unload on the first person they meet.

These people are often fraught with fears, grudges, prejudices and negative thoughts. When their "emotional container" is about to overflow, they unload all that negativity on others, causing a real emotional contagion.

In fact, Harvard University psychologists have found that negative emotions are transmitted much faster than positive ones following a spread pattern quite similar to that of viruses. For every friend who experiences negative emotions, our chances of feeling unhappy double.

Another study conducted at the University of Florida revealed that when we are victims of crude and rude attitudes, we are more likely to respond in the same way in other situations, an attitude that we can carry on for an entire week.

This means that "negative" emotions are not only more intense, but also more lasting, provoke a stronger response and can negatively affect our attitudes, decisions and behaviors. This is why it is not strange that dealing with pessimistic, resentful or stressed people ends up showing us the bill.



How to deal with people who exhaust us emotionally?

• Determine your acceptance threshold

First, it's important to be aware that every relationship is made up of two people, which means there are individual differences in what each considers exhausting. It can be tiring for one person to relate to people who complain constantly, but others may find it more difficult to manage narcissistic behaviors. Therefore, it is important to know our acceptance threshold and to be aware of those behaviors and attitudes that generate greater psychological exhaustion.

• Stop wishing they were different

Expectations are one of our main sources of frustration. When dealing with exhausting people, we need to readjust our expectations. Thinking that everyone should be kind, empathetic, and willing to help is simply unrealistic, so we need to start accepting that there are people who are more self-centered, pessimistic, or people who don't know how to listen. It is not about labeling them, but about going further to discover other positive qualities. After all, no one is completely bad or completely good. We too can be exhausting at certain times.


• Do not allow everyone to enter your circle of trust

The people around us and with whom we interact every day will end up exerting a huge influence on our mood, whether we like it or not. Therefore, it is important to be more selective in choosing those who are part of our circle of trust and influence. This does not mean that we should break off relationships with people who exhaust us, but we can dose and space the encounters, so that we can better deal with their consequences.

• Don't wait for them to read your thoughts, communicate your limits

People can't read our thoughts, so it's important to help them. Many times exhausting people are not fully aware of the impact of their behavior, so letting them know can help them improve their relationships with others and with themselves. Without resorting to recriminations or blame, we can tell them what we don't like and propose a more assertive way of relating. It is about building bridges and looking for commonalities, but without losing sight of the limits.


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