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    My partner asked me for time: What do I do?

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    Joe Dispenza
    @joedispenza
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    In fairy tales, and in many romantic films, people face a thousand obstacles to be together, but in the end love always triumphs. Thus, in the end "they all live happily ever after". In real life the situation is very different, most couples do not encounter major obstacles to start a relationship, the problems come later, with the frictions that everyday life generates. , sometimes, the dreaded moment presents itself: “It's not your fault, it's me. I need time to think. ”Is it advisable to trust the other person and give him this time? Will it be better to end the relationship or is it worth the wait? These and other questions haunt the mind of the person who has been asked about time, but there is an even greater problem that haunts him: Why did he ask me about time?

    Why does your partner ask you for time to think?

    Each couple is different. A couple is made up of two different people who have had different life experiences and now try to build a common story. It is therefore difficult to draw conclusions that can be applied to each individual case. However, as a general rule, there are some common causes when your partner asks you for time to think.
    - Your partner feels overwhelmed. Each of us is different, some need cues of love at all times, while others need excessive affection as a nuisance. At the beginning of a relationship, when both are not familiar with the tastes of the other, it is normal for one of the two to feel suffocated by the constant attention of the other. In this case, the person asks for time because he needs "air" to breathe.
    - Your partner needs to take a step back. There are times when the relationship progresses too fast. Perhaps you have been carried away by the euphoria of infatuation and have even taken too big steps before getting to know each other better, or you feel unprepared to deal with this level of responsibility. If so, your partner may want to take some time to go back and consider the decisions made. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but that he just wants to step back and take things more calmly.
    - Your partner doesn't know what he wants. In this case, the person has serious doubts about your relationship. She doesn't know if she wants to continue, if she still loves you, or if that's the kind of relationship she wants. Sometimes the insecurity is due to the fear of commitment, sometimes it is the product of an existential crisis or simply of boredom, which appear in a relationship that has lasted many years and has now lost its initial energy. At this point, the person needs to reconsider an important part of their life, and believes that having you at this stage will not be able to find the answers they are looking for.
    - Your partner wants to end the relationship, but doesn't have the courage to say it. Some people find it difficult to end a relationship. Perhaps he is afraid of what you will answer him, he does not want to hurt you or thinks that breaking slowly will be less painful, so he prefers to break indirectly leaving a thread of hope. Obviously, this is the worst prospect, because you don't normally retrace your steps.

    How to wait without being assailed by despair?

    Most people find it difficult to accept their partner's request for time. It is certainly not an easy thing to deal with.
    1. Information is power, don't settle for evasive answersUncertainty is difficult to bear, especially when our partner asks us for time, because we are immediately assailed by the fear of losing the loved one. So, the more information we have, the better. This way we can make a more informed decision. You have the right to have your partner explain to you why they need time to think. After all, your life will also go on “pause.” Don't settle for generic and evasive answers. Ask him to explain his motives. If your partner respects you and considers you as a person, they will find a way to explain their reasons to you. But it is important that you do not make hasty conclusions, there is not always a third person involved, much less love is over, sometimes there is simply a need to take a break.
    2. Agree on the life of the couple down to the smallest detailIf you believe that the relationship has a future, it is advisable that you decide together what your life will be like from then on. Some couples decide not to see each other again for a certain period while others need to allow themselves some space by continuing to see each other. In any case, it is advisable to compromise only with those rules that you are ready to respect, because if you decide to interrupt the relationship for a period of time and then start harassing your partner, he could perceive it as a violation of his space and certainly you He would only move away from you. Only compromise on those rules that you can abide by and that make sense to you. If your partner asks you about things that seem irrational or don't meet your expectations, it's best to talk about them in order to find the best solution for both of you, which in some cases could be the ultimate separation.
    3. Time, yes, but with a specific deadlineFor a confused person who has to make an important decision in life, it can be difficult to accurately determine how long he will need. However, it is not convenient for the couple to allow themselves an infinite amount of time. It would be advisable to agree on a reasonable time frame so that the situation does not last forever. After that time, your partner should make his or her decision. Determine how long you can wait and if your partner does not take the step, you will have to take charge of the situation and decide the future of the relationship.
    4. Don't victimize yourselfThe first impulse of the person to whom the partner asks for time leads him to assume the role of the victim and causes him to sink into pain. But that way you only hurt yourself. You don't have a passive role, after all, you accepted this break, even though you could have refused or ended the relationship. So be strong and don't lose perspective. Your partner is feeling somewhat unsatisfied, and for this he is asking you for time, but you too have needs and expectations that have the same value and deserve to be taken into consideration. He's not leaving you, he's asking you for time, but whoever decides is you.
    5. Life goes onI advise you not to literally put your life on "pause". While it can be difficult and will require a lot of effort, try to continue with your normal daily life. Find new activities that will motivate you or start a new project. The point is that you don't have to think about your partner 24 hours a day, but rather you have to take advantage of this pause in the relationship to rediscover your individuality, to go back to doing things you had abandoned and enjoy the solitude.
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