Even if we think that friendship is the result of chance, we can put into practice some tips that can help us choose our friends more consciously. But how to do it?
Last update: April 19, 2022
Friendship is one of the most important interpersonal relationships, but it is also one of the deepest disappointments we could experience. Sometimes we just complain because we can't find real friends. If we recognize ourselves in this situation, perhaps the time has come to learn how to choose friends better.
Currently, thanks to new technologies, making friends is much easier, or at least that's what we think. The results of a poll conducted by Time magazine reveal that many people do not have close friends. Perhaps the reason is that we don't know how to best choose friendships. So let's see some tips that could be useful to us.
Tips for choosing friends better
1. Talk about common interests
One of the first tips for choosing our friends better is to talk about our common interests. While we may feel sympathy for the other person at first, it is advisable to have a conversation in which to be able to understand whether or not we have some passions or pastimes in common.
Why is it necessary? Because we need to make plans with our friends, to get to know them even better and strengthen our relationship. In the absence of common interests, how could we organize a weekend or a short vacation together? It would be impossible. So, talking about our common interests could help us find like-minded people with whom to share our free time.
2. Understand if they only seek us when they need us
The second piece of advice for choosing our friends better is to observe. To understand if they are close to us because they want to make plans e share their free time with us or if they seek us only when they need it. This aspect is easily identifiable: we will notice that they want to go out with us when they have an interest in obtaining something.
If this situation were to continue over time, we would begin to suffer. At that point we would realize to always be the ones to propose to have a coffee or to have a chat. On top of that, they will very often not be available when we need to talk or let off steam. These are important aspects to take into account.
The friend must be like blood, flowing towards the wound without hoping that they will call him.
-Francisco de Quevedo-
3. How do they treat others?
This advice is very important, as well as necessary. Even if a person treats us well, it doesn't mean that they share our values ​​with us or that we would like them to be our friend. For this reason, it is imperative to focus on how you treat others, friends or even family members.
Let's imagine that we are always at ease with a friend, sharing our opinions with him, discussing different topics without problems… But one day, with his partner or with one of his parents he demonstrates a completely opposite part of his personality. Paying attention to these aspects will allow us to draw our own conclusions and come to a decision.
4. Dealing with controversial topics helps you choose friends better
Talking about politics, for example, helps to understand if there is an affinity with one's interlocutor. Address the most sensitive topics lets you see the other person's reaction. We may find that it is impossible to deal with certain issues or notice an attitude that indicates that one's opinion is the only one that matters.
Tackling controversial issues will also help us measure the tolerance of our friends. Even if we don't feel the same way about a given topic, it's important to respect the opinions of others and listen to them, as we expect them to do with us.
Those friends you have and whose friendship you have tested, cling to your soul with steel hooks.
-William Shakespeare-
5. Don't be obsessed with finding the perfect friend
The last piece of advice is not to obsess over the search for the perfect friend. This would lead us to a continuous research, with the feeling of not having any important person next to us, as underlined by the article The negative consequences of maximizing in friendship selection. We have to choose friends better, but we don't have to become inflexible people for this.
Our goal must be to choose the people who help us grow. At the same time, it is advisable to review over time the friends who have known each other for years: do they still bring something into our lives or, on the contrary, are they negative elements?
