Unfortunately, there are some people who are hypercritical by nature, which means they are not fully aware that their words have a very negative effect on others. When one of these people is our partner, the problem is even more serious, because criticism is extended to all areas of our life and can have disastrous consequences for our emotional stability.
How to recognize a hypercritical person?
1. Constantly challenge your ideas, opinions and perceptions on any topic. This is the typical person who, no matter what you say, always has a master stroke in store to turn against you. No matter the topic, these people always have something to object to and will always find a gap in your speech that they will use to attack you.
2. He refuses to listen to you until you adopt his communication style. This person does not want to hear reasons, especially if you intend to keep the discussion on a rational and relaxed level. Its main goal is to get you on its ground to get the better of it. For this reason he often resorts to emotions, as manipulators do. He knows that if he makes you lose your temper or if he manages to introduce you to his logic, he will have won.
3. Takes disagreements as if they were personal attacks. For hypercritical people any opinion other than their own becomes a personal matter, they cannot understand that someone so close to them, such as their partner, could disagree with their opinions. As a result, a simple different political opinion can result in a full-blown family crisis. So it happens that, in the end, you find yourself apologizing when in reality the person being criticized is you.
4. Constantly minimize your opinions. The hypercritical person is usually quite self-centered, because any opinion other than his own is not worthy of consideration for him. Hence, he often ignores the concerns or ideas that are put to him by the partner. This person tries to implement a real emotional dictatorship.
5. Obsessively focuses on the details. The hypercritical person often has a hard time grasping the situation as a whole in such a way that he focuses on the details, details that are often insignificant. For this reason, even if the final result was good, they will always find aspects to criticize. This is the classic person who always says: "You did well, but ..."
How to relate to a hypercritical person?
Hypercritical people are highly toxic, they are real emotional vampires, so it is very difficult to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship with them. First you are in seventh heaven, believing that everything is working perfectly and the next moment the storm arrives.
Relating to these people is like being constantly under the cameras, as if someone was continually evaluating your behavior, your words and your every little gesture. As a result, you feel like a chess player, who not only needs to accurately calculate the next move, but also the next three or four to avoid making a mistake that could be fatal to him. Obviously, all of this is distressing, both psychologically and physically.
All is not lost
Deep down, hypercritical people have fragile egos that they protect with an attitude of superiority. A contrary idea is experienced as a threat to their self-esteem, so that they react negatively by locking themselves up in their shell. Therefore, the first step in dealing with them is to make them understand that we do not represent a danger, that even if we think otherwise, it does not mean that we love them less or that their opinion is not important.
It is important to make him understand that there are different ways of doing things and that what may seem the best to him / her may not be the best to you. And that anyway, it should always respect your decision. Do not allow this person to draw you into his logic, instead of arguing with rational arguments explain to him how his behavior makes you feel. Often when we emotionally undress, the other person realizes the damage done, becomes aware, and takes a step back to reconsider their attitude.
Don't fight the windmills
There are cases, no matter how hard you try, in which it will be impossible to change the other person, perhaps because they have behaved in that way for many years, or because they are not aware of the problem or simply because they do not want to change. In these cases, however painful it may be, it is best to end the relationship.
Living with a hypercritical person next to you for years will end up causing a lot of damage. When we are constantly hearing the mistakes we make and our opinions are never taken into account, we will end up developing a deep sense of insecurity. Also, sooner or later, you will end up feeling a very deep emotional emptiness since the person close to you does not support you.
Find out how to defend yourself from manipulators by learning to recognize and manage them by reading this book.
- 17Get Personal Growh