Why do we fall in love online?

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Louise Hay


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Some argue that it is impossible to love a person who has never met physically. They say that to love someone you need to look him in the eye, meet personally.

In reality, these people refer to mature love, that which is built over time and with coexistence. But there is another kind of love, more youthful and impetuous, which can exist even when you don't physically know a person. I am referring to people who fall in love after finding themselves on online dating sites, an increasingly common phenomenon in our age, since the Internet has eliminated geographic barriers.

First of all, I would like to point out that I am convinced that couples who know each other online and maintain more or less constant contact through the Internet can work. I personally know several cases who have not only arrived at marriage but have also lived happily for many years.

How can two people fall in love online?

First of all, it is necessary to dispel the myth that the people who meet on the net are people who are constructed, fictitious, created on purpose only to seduce. In many cases, especially when people are very shy, they are able to show the best part of their "me" right through the computer screen, because they are able to break the ice, be friendly, kind, showing a thousand more characteristics than how many perhaps would not have come to light during a physical encounter. Therefore, thanks to online dating sites many people manage to show their most interesting side and sometimes this is more than enough to seduce the other.

However, online dating often has many gaps. Since we cannot decode all the extraverbal information that is normally available during a physical encounter, a void is created, and this is where the projective mechanism of our mind comes into play. That is, when there are information gaps our brain tends to fill them with the data we have collected during our life experience.

The interesting aspect is that if we have positive expectations about the relationship with that particular person, we will tend to project characteristics of ourselves on that person. Put simply: you feel lonely and you are looking for a partner, you don't know the person you are communicating with well online, but they are nice, so fill in the gaps and lack of information with features you like so that you meet your expectations. Thus, the relationship continues and you feel that you have some things in common with the other person, and this helps to bring you closer. Result: we fall in love.

Obviously, later, by getting to know each other better, you will be able to find out if the characteristics you have projected onto the other are actually present. At this point, it is important to note that although the projection mechanism is perfectly normal, it is vitally important to remain attentive because this can create too high expectations, illusions that will not materialize and leave us disappointed.

A tip: when you meet a person online and a spark arises between you, don't be afraid to move forward in the relationship, but try to fill these information gaps with real data. If you want to know something about the person, just ask them. Remember that projection is a double-edged sword.

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