A narcissistic parent makes their children believe that their needs, thoughts or emotions are not important. Every aspect revolves around that figure of power that absorbs everything like a black hole.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 05, 2022
One thing above all is learned from a narcissistic parent: not all people are suitable for starting a family. Who should have given everything for us, who should have loved us, respected us and given us security has always had priority. This leaves a deep mark on the child's emotional fabric.
It causes a trauma that must be healed in adulthood. Many people suffer from depression, eating disorders and self-image as a result of this reality. Growing up with a narcissistic parent means thinking that you don't deserve what you feel the need for.
Emotional neglect in childhood is highly harmful. This is a dimension that needs to be clarified as a mechanism for overcoming the wound caused by these complex experiences.
Sense of emptiness, guilt, constant insecurity ... Growing up in a family where there is one or more narcissists always leaves consequences. And this alters our personality and our way of relating.
What you learn from a narcissistic parent
Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York in 2003 conducted a study indicating that emotional abuse and neglect in childhood have a clinical impact in adulthood. Many people turn to the psychologist with baffling stories.
They say they were constantly criticized, humiliated and ridiculed by one of their parents. In most cases, the person is unaware that the parent had a narcissistic personality disorder.
The trauma of an educational model is evident in which they have been treated as a mere accessory of the family and not as people with needs and rights.
Different approaches are often used to help victims of childhood narcissistic abuse. In general, this abuse is related to different psychopathologies: anxiety, addiction, eating disorders, self-harming behaviors, etc.
The therapy is often effective and allows you to gain awareness on different aspects. We talk about it in the following lines.
1. Love is not domination: the narcissistic parent cancels and underestimates in order to control
The narcissistic parent acts as a cult leader: he tries to override others to control them. This involves an activity of continuous undervaluation of others, including children. The other person's feelings and needs are not important - only what the parent wants matters.
The person living this life experience learns that unconditional love is not based on domination. Instead, the narcissist needs victims to exercise control and thereby achieve superiority. Also, if there's one thing he loves, it's the feeling that he can belittle and have his own under control.
2. The purpose of life is no longer to satisfy a narcissist
When you are finally free from the domination of the narcissistic parent, you understand that you are free. It becomes possible to make decisions and lead the existence that is deemed best in every moment.
Understanding this aspect is vital for any victim of narcissistic abuse, especially anyone who grew up with someone with such a profile.
Growing up in an environment dominated by a narcissistic parent means that the only purpose in life is to please him. This involves giving up all dreams, desires or cravings.
The manipulation of the ego in these cases is absolute, to the point that many people don't even know what they expect from life or what goals they have.
3. Free to interact with whoever you want outside of the family sphere
Narcissistic parents are very possessive of their children. Not only do they nullify them psychologically, they also tend to isolate them. So much so that it is normal for them to monitor their activities, the time they spend outside the home and prefer not to have friends or partners.
Therapy helps you understand that you have the full right to build the desired bonds. You are free to leave the dysfunctional orbit that that figure has built for itself; complete people ready to break the umbilical cord and build their own world.
Narcissists cannot perceive their children as unique individuals separate from themselves. Domination is absolute.
4. One is not responsible for the happiness or unhappiness of the narcissistic parent
We are not in this world to fulfill the wishes of the narcissistic parent. Our task is not to be a projection of him, much less to seek his happiness.
If the parent expresses disappointment with our behavior or expresses pain because we are autonomous in our decisions, do not listen to them. It is not our responsibility.
We have the full right to shape our projects regardless of what they want or feel. We do not feed their narcissistic appetite or pay attention to their dramas.
5. We have the right to distance ourselves from those who hurt
We have the full right to decide how much time we want to invest in the narcissistic parent. There will be those who consider a monthly visit sufficient. Others may prefer to break the bond completely. Everyone has the full right to decide the relationship he wants or not to have with the figure in question.
Conclusions
The most important aspect is to seek and create healthy connections, bonds that enrich us emotionally and do not leave us mentally wounded. True families are forged by love and genetics don't matter there.
