Have you ever faced a person with the intention of apologizing and ended up getting angry, even bumping into each other hard? If this has happened to you, don't worry, you are not alone. I think that something similar has happened to everyone, at least once in their life.
Why does this happen? It happens because we don't apologize in the right way
At school we were taught math and geography, but emotional intelligence is a subject that is not yet in fashion. In fact, what we know on the subject, we have learned through trial and error. How to apologize properly?
- Taking responsibility. If you've done something wrong and a lot of the responsibility falls on your shoulders, don't make excuses - stop acknowledging the mistake. Since we have probably hurt a person (perhaps unintentionally), it is normal for the person to feel resentful or at least have reservations about us. So it would be ideal to start the conversation by acknowledging our share of responsibility, because in this way we will let the other down and prepare him to listen to what we want to say.
- Being transparent. Do not look for excuses, communicate the real reasons that led you to act in a certain way. It may be that you have acted conditioned by a stereotype, it is not really that important what the mistake was made but rather that we realize this and that we want to solve the problem. Remember that to err is human.
- Using the right words. When apologizing it is not wise to use impersonal language, it is best to always speak in the first person. Avoid phrases like "everyone can make mistakes" or "everything happens for a reason." This way of speaking indicates that, after all, one does not fully believe or accept responsibility for what happened. And the other person will notice. Instead, just say you wanted to apologize for your behavior.
- Showing your feelings. You can deliver a perfect speech worthy of the best speakers, but if you can't show that you are truly sorry, it will probably do no good. Always remember that our non-verbal communication says much more about us than words. So, if you are truly sorry, let your emotions flow. The fact that the other person perceives them will not make us weaker, but more sincere and trustworthy.
- Leaving the door open. Just because you apologize doesn't mean the other person will forgive us. Maybe he holds a bit of a grudge and needs time to heal his wound. Leave the door open, let her know that you understand her and that you will be available when the time comes. Finally, thank her for listening to you.