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    Communication: 3 traps we always fall into

    Who I am
    Robert Maurer
    @robertmaurer
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    wikipedia.org

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    Communication is present in every human relationship and is one of our elementary needs. Talking allows us to get to know another person, to discover a world different from ours, and finally, it enriches our support network.

    However, there are times when communication affects relationships and seriously compromises them. There are times when words become a cause of misunderstanding and conflict and end up generating stress and tension. When this happens, it's usually because one of the two people has fallen victim to some of the pitfalls of communication.



    1. Mind reading

    Some people seem to have been born to fall into this trap; in fact they always fall into it. A common example is someone who gets angry with their partner because they have forgotten something. However, instead of telling the other person, the person closes in on himself waiting for the other to find out for himself. When this does not happen, the person is even more angry and, as a result, becomes aggressive and generates a fight.

    This attitude is called "mind reading", because in this case we assume that the other person must understand what we are thinking and feeling without us saying it. Taking this attitude is like passing the hot potato on to the other, discharging responsibility and emotionally distancing oneself.

    If the other person doesn't know you well enough or is too busy with their problems, they probably won't know what's going on. As a result, communication will be interrupted and we will experience a feeling of dissatisfaction.

    Obviously, the solution is quite simple: express what we want, feel or feel.

    2. The magic sphere Ambiguous sentences are among the main causes of misunderstanding in relationships. When words can have different meanings, the other person may interpret them in the wrong way, referring to their context. One of the classic examples is the sentence: "Yes, yes, you do a lot ..." This sentence can give rise to different interpretations , depending on the communicative context and the tone of voice used. It could indicate that the person is trying their best or, conversely, not doing enough. How we interpret this phrase depends not only on the tone of voice, but also on our previous history with that person or even how we feel on that precise day. Therefore, the interpretation we give is defined as a "magic sphere" as it implies that we analyze a message that is ambiguous from our point of view, giving it a very subjective interpretation that often leads to discussions. The solution is very simple: ask that what the other means exactly before drawing any conclusions.
    3. The indirect method In this case, we avoid the issue that causes the conflict and complain about other things, we talk about the problem anyway but using generic and incomplete sentences without getting directly to the point. It is a trap we tend to fall into very often, especially when we do not find the right way to express our concern and we are afraid of how it will be viewed by the other. An example of the indirect method is when we use phrases like "you never worry about me ”or“ it always happens like this ”. Normally these sentences appear in a specific context and want to express two things: 1. That the person doesn't feel well in that particular situation and 2, Similar things have always happened in the past and you would like them not to repeat themselves. Another example is when the person overreacts to a small mistake, when in reality, what worries him is something else. Obviously, when someone receives vague or indirect criticism, they feel attacked and respond aggressively, creating a very negative communicative context.The solution is to stop and think about what really worries us and find the right words to convey the message.
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