Last update: 14 September, 2022
Friends are said to be the family we choose. We are not referring to any friendship, but toFriendship. With a capital "a". That strong bond like few others, the result of the chance to meet in life. That love that does not hurt or crush and that knows how to be close to miles away.
The dictionary defines friendship as "Live and mutual affection between two or more people, generally inspired by affinity of feelings and mutual esteem". I recognize that this definition surprises and fascinates me in equal parts. Centuries of history have portrayed inbreeding relationships as the most stable, unconditional and loving… often leaving aside the global importance of friendship.
The importance of friendship
Friends are a point of support from childhood. They allow us to learn values, experiment with different roles and discover who we want to be. They help us build our identity, develop empathy and feel part of a group.
The concept of friendship is personal and, therefore, partially subjective. What we expect from this constraint changes with time, experience and circumstances. As we mature, we become more selective, we look for more quality than quantity and we have clearer in mind the traits that define a true friendship (or, at least, the one we want to surround ourselves with).
Furthermore, friends allow us to discover and develop different sides of ourselves. They help us maintain a healthy self-esteem and arouse positive emotions in us that guarantee us greater psychological stability. We could say, then, that somehow, friendship takes care of us, protects and strengthens us.
"A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother."
-Demetrius of Falero-
Characteristics of true friendship
Sometimes we find it hard to distinguish between acquaintances, colleagues, companions or friends, perhaps because we have not had the opportunity to enjoy a true friendship or it will be because we are in a phase of vital confusion. These are some of the characteristics that define a true friendship:
- Unconditional trust: we can totally trust the person, with whom we can be ourselves without filters, in a sincere and transparent way. It is a relationship based on the certainty that you can blindly trust the other person. Both when things go well and when things go badly, friends accompany us and offer us their support. We are sure they will tell us the truth, even when it is not what we want to hear.
- Reciprocity: friendship is a two-way shared bond for what concerns communication, actions, feelings and interest. It is normal that in some moments, for whatever reason, we neglect this reciprocity. When this happens, it is important to be empathetic, to understand and to rectify. We can all be wrong. True friends forgive and also teach us how to become better friends.
- Best wishes: a friend smiles when things go well for us, celebrates our successes and rejoices in our happiness. There is no room for envy and selfishness: a good friend stays by our side in a disinterested way.
- Motivation to share time and experiences: we want to share time, live new experiences and create new anecdotes that strengthen the bond. Furthermore, no matter how much time passes and the kilometers that separate us: when it comes to true friendship, the complicity remains intact.
- Release: friendship does not generate feelings of oppression. It allows us to be ourselves and is based on respect. It makes us feel freer and better people. It doesn't make us feel used and it doesn't try to manipulate us. It does not take time or try to make us what we are not. True friends invite us to think, offer us a space without judgment and let us breathe.
"Whoever finds a friend finds a treasure"
Friendship is not found in every person. There are many people who come and go. But Sometimes, at the least expected moment, a spark is ignited and the connection is created: something special, important and lasting. This doesn't happen many times in life. Therefore, if you have one of these Friends (with a capital "a"), take care of it. Don't take it for granted. Feed it with patience, sincerity, affection and attention.
Important people mark our life. So, if you are lucky enough to enjoy such a friendship, you are a very lucky person. You have a magical relationship in your hands, authentic and unconditional. You have a sister, an uncle for your child or a companion forever. But that's not all ... if you are lucky enough to count on a true friendship, as well as a precious asset, you will have one more reason to shine.
"Walking in the dark with a friend is better than walking alone in the light".
-Gotham-
