Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 14, 2021
Aristotle said that anyone can get angry, since it is a very simple thing. However, getting angry with the right person, in the right degree, at the right time, with the right purpose, and in the right way is really difficult. It all resides in emotional intelligence.
We talk about the proper management of our emotions and many other disturbances from which we are often caught.
However, do we really know what we are talking about? With this article, we want to clarify some typical concepts of emotional intelligence and reflect on the subject.
Emotional intelligence
1. What is emotional intelligence?
Does being emotionally intelligent mean being motivated for everything, having high self-esteem or excessive optimism? The answer is no. However, in the light of some people's reading of this concept, being emotionally intelligent means having this very colorful set of attributes.
It is constantly repeated how important it is to increase one's self-esteem, one's emotional intelligence, self-conception, etc. Ultimately, however, we only know that there are many skills that we must acquire, but we do not know how to achieve them or how they are related to each other.
This is often due to the lack of knowledge of the concept of emotional intelligence; is it a capacity (as Salovey and Mayer argue) or a set of characteristics that we must possess and strive to develop as facets of personality, motivation and emotion (as Goleman believes)?
2. Consider emotional intelligence as a set of characteristics
This last definition, which is the most widespread, has the disadvantage of "forcing" the person to become a "totally emotional" being, which does not differentiate his emotional abilities from empathy, perseverance, optimism, motivation ...
This perspective therefore allows us to delineate the human being in a very global way: based on how we relate to our emotions, do we have one personality or another? Would we like them to think that about us? Obviously not and this is the first point that creates confusion.
If we can understand and be critical of this point, we will avoid the jumble or jumble of advice and guidelines to be more emotionally intelligent that we don't know how to internalize. Ultimately, it is a question of making it ours in its entirety to achieve a certain emotional stability.
For these and other reasons, it seems that it is more desirable to understand emotional intelligence from the point of view of Salovey and Mayer, in other words: “Emotional intelligence involves the ability to perceive, evaluate and express an emotion; the ability to access feelings and / or create them when they facilitate thoughts; the ability to understand emotion and emotional knowledge; the ability to regulate emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth ".
3. Why has this term spread so much in recent years?
Society is "waking up" because researchers, trainers and the media have placed the emphasis on the concept of emotional intelligence, which has allowed it to reach the whole world and permeate a company traditionally accustomed to chastise emotions.
We tend to think that feeling emotions make us less effective, strong and capable when we have to make decisions and go through our lives. We feel, as we have learned that there is no moral superiority of reason in relation to emotions. In fact, this split is fictitious, since it is not possible to separate emotions, thoughts and feelings.
4. What role do emotions play in our daily life?
Emotions play an essential role. We just can't conceive of an apathetic life. From when we get up until we go to sleep, emotions are the basis of our every attitude. If we reflect for a moment, we realize that not even dreams are without emotion, in fact many times we can only remember the sensations they caused us.
It can be said that we feel as much as we think and that any situation generates an emotion in us. This affects what we project to others, the decisions we make, the paths we travel ...
5. What mistakes do we usually make?
Usually we make the mistake of rejecting negative emotions, as they are painful or annoying. Rejecting them means ignoring them and blaming others when they try them. This happens very noticeably with a child having tantrums and we often say phrases like "don't cry", "you're exaggerating", thus conveying the message that "strong people don't cry or break down"
6. Are emotions such as sadness and anger healthy?
Yes. This statement may be disconcerting, but we must realize that negative emotions like the sadness and anger are not unhealthy, especially if they present us with a specific mission.
Repressing emotions is never good. Every emotion has something to tell us and, in reality, we cannot hide it. To clarify this point, let's take a very clarifying example: a person allergic to dust will never be able to hide the dust under the carpet believing that it will not cause any symptoms.
7. What are the consequences of not understanding our emotions?
Not extracting the information provided to us correctly by our emotional system means making mistakes in our decisions and considerations. Not knowing us, rejecting us, repressing us and even punishing us.
Land emotions are present at all times, so the more appropriate our strategies are, the more active and decisive we will be. Our general well-being depends on our psychological and physical health.
8. What role do emotions play in the workplace?
The world of work is changing. We are not judged only on how “intelligent” we are academically or on the basis of our training and experience, but also on how we relate to ourselves and to others. In other words, the use we make of emotional intelligence.
Our performance largely depends on the way we manage our emotions and those of others. This is what Goleman, the popularizing father of emotional intelligence, identifies with emotional skills. Because it determines flexibility and adaptation to the workplace, being emotionally intelligent guarantees greater success than the ability traditionally defined as "intelligence".
9. What aspects remain unsolved in relation to this issue?
We still have a lot to learn, for example that our children, adolescents and young people need to receive quality emotional education from the school. For a real revolution to take place, we adults too must lend ourselves to relearn the understanding and management of our emotions. Consequently, it is very important to talk about the emotional universe in the media, in advertisements, etc.
