Last update: 27 November 2016
Love hasn't always been this complicated. Before the idea of romantic love was established in the West, men and women had more stable relationships. Today, however, people move into two paradoxical realities: on the one hand, a good part of individuals want to meet that wonderful person who marks the before and after in their love life; on the other hand, a large number of people want to separate the idea of "great love" from frustration and suffering.
In other words, many seek the benefits of love but don't want to pay the costs. These imaginaries are present in the minds of men and women. However, males interpret and experience them in one way, while women in another.
"To love does not only mean to desire, but it is above all to understand".
Most men are unaware of their fear of love. Almost everyone chooses to be uninterested in the subject, to move from one relationship to another without having the time to say "what beautiful eyes you have", to be cynical in the face of expressions of affection. Women, on the other hand, tend to be adept at idealization, soon followed by belittling, of those men with whom they have not been able to build a love story.
Men and their fears
The great fear of most men is to "commit". Although this word sounds very clear, it actually has several meanings. Everyone understands and understands it in a distinct way.
Some think that commitment means awakening too many expectations in a woman. That's why she pays attention and carefully weighs every step she takes in the relationship. Others feel that commitment is there when they open their heart and show it inside. Still others believe they are engaged when the relationship exceeds a certain duration. In short, everyone gives the fear that she perceives the shape she wants.
According to Dr. Juan David Nasio, a famous Argentine psychoanalyst residing in Paris, all these fears arise from a single source: the fear of defrauding or "betraying" their mothers. Deep down, in the area of the unconscious, men are devoted for life to the idea that only their mother deserves complete love and they feel unable to feel this same feeling with other women.
This is the root of this feeling, expressed by many as "there is something wrong with her", referring to many of the women they know. These men go from one failed relationship to another. If they did notice, they would notice that they are the first to sabotage the opportunity to build a true love story by means of their carelessness, lack of sensitivity or a mania for control. After that, they complain that no woman meets the requirements.
Women and their idealization
Many women build castles in the air, in which they pretend to be princesses. Therefore they create unlikely love stories, in which the "prince" should take charge of all their neuroses and insecurities. He should be a kind of magnanimous father able to generate in them the feeling of security that is lacking and to protect them from the vicissitudes of life.
Most women will say it's not true. They see themselves as modern, autonomous and independent women. However, they spend their lives making and breaking relationships.
Every time they finish one, inside them they say “men deserve nothing”, they declare themselves disappointed by someone who was not what they seemed at the beginning. They want a man who acts like a woman; they fail to understand that the opposite sex is just like that: opposite.
Going deeper into the subject, we discover that the disappointment and demeaning of men derives from the feeling of "betrayal of fantasies", that is, from the fact that men do not treat women as princesses or queens.
But ultimately, even males can get fed up with the whims of females. The women complain that the men did not leave their wives for them, because they did not protect them as if they were spoiled children, because they did not behave like knights. Because they make mistakes, because they are men of flesh and blood and not princes.
Fantasy and reality
Loving is not easy and not letting oneself be loved. But it becomes absolutely impossible when both partners are tied to their childhood fantasies and they do not intend to give it up. When they make love an impossible feat.
They become unable to appreciate and value all the contradictions that make us human and which are precisely what, if it is true love, the other must accept, without attempting to remedy them.