Building self-esteem after a breakup

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Joe Dispenza
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Building self-esteem after a breakup

Last update: 17 September, 2020

Dealing with a breakup is one of the most stressful situations, as it involves readjusting to a new lifestyle without a partner. For this reason it is important to increase self-esteem after a separation to avoid totally losing self-confidence, making comparisons with other people and convincing oneself that they are unhappy because they are alone or because desperation has taken over.



At the same time, we have to accept the fact that the life we ​​had no longer exists and, therefore, we have to face a new reality. The one in which to take the reins to start a new path, the one in which our strength becomes a supporting pillar to move forward.

For all of these reasons, we want to share with you some strategies for building self-esteem after a breakup. So, the recovery and reconstruction process will be more productive and positive.

Building self-esteem after a breakup

Put a stop to the relationship: the importance of moving on

After a breakup, it's normal to keep thinking about the other person, especially after years of living together. Furthermore, although the separation was a shared choice for the good of both, it is not a less painful process. We must face it in all its phases. Nonetheless, once the pain is over, we can start thinking about the good times, the shared moments, and the good things about our ex.

The first few weeks passed, it is easy for our memory to deceive us and lead us to remember only the positive details of the relationship. As a result, doubts may arise about our decision: will it be the right one? At this stage it is essential to have the strength to turn the page. To build self-esteem, you need to look ahead and get rid of the past right now.



Closing this phase will help you have more self-confidence after a breakup, which will allow you to think about the future, personal projects, aspects to be improved and, above all, to enhance one's person.

Leaving the relationship behind, instead of devoting your time and emotions to think that everything has gone wrong, it will be possible to think about what you want from your life from now on. And this feeling of awareness is an extra dose of self-worth.

Finding a link with yourself: how do I see myself?

Another step in building self-esteem after a breakup is to reconnect with yourself; this means dedicating oneself to one's person, listening to oneself and not neglecting one's needs. To do this, first of all you need to do a self-knowledge exercise that allows you to outline the way you perceive yourself.

Turning the page will help to increase self-esteem after a separation, and this is because it will allow you to think about the future, personal projects and aspects to improve.

Take a pen and paper and write down the adjectives that come to mind thinking about yourself. If it is hard for you to think of words to define yourself, you can use a list of adjectives with personal characteristics and choose 5 with a positive meaning and 5 with a negative meaning.

As you can see, it is not just about seeing your strengths or deceiving yourself by claiming that you have no defects; rather, it is about accepting your faults and ask yourself which of these you want to change.


Another way to boost your self-esteem is to think about 3 skills you stand out in compared to others. There is certainly something that you are really good at; even if it is small, write it down and remember it every time you get up in the morning. In this way, you will perform an association exercise between the moment you wake up and the memory of your strength and abilities.


Take care of your health and appearance

Another of the fundamental and useful aspects for increasing self-esteem after a separation is the care of one's own person, both from a physical and psychological point of view. In this sense, the first step is to take care of your health. If due to the separation or the previous stress of this situation, you have not had the opportunity to undergo medical tests, now is the time to do it.

Taking care of your health is a necessary task to value yourself. Let's not forget that when we have a strong desire for something, we tend to focus all our attention on that goal and this is exactly what you should do: take care of yourself.


On the other hand, it is very important create a new routine and put your life in order, seeing that self-esteem may feel damaged by the chaos resulting from the process of adapting to the new situation. Perceiving a certain order in your life will make you feel better and give you the feeling of being a competent and independent person.

To build self-esteem after a breakup, you need to find out who you want to be. Finally, you need to have confidence that you will regain your self-esteem, hone your personal skills, and clarify what your priorities are. Most often, separation triggers additional issues, such as child custody, changing homes, new schedules and habits, and we usually tend to put the good of our family above everything, but we must remember to take care of ourselves. If you devote all your energies to your loved ones, you will neglect yourself; as a result, your strengths will diminish and you may not be well disposed when others need you.However, if the situation becomes complicated or if you feel that you are unable to reinvent yourself, a psychologist it can help you recover and increase self-esteem. Ask for help if you think you need it and be confident: anything is possible with the right commitment and the right effort.

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