Self compassion: what to do?

Self compassion: what to do?

Feeling sorry for yourself can be a reflection of low self-esteem that can, in many cases, produce depression. We suggest some strategies to avoid this trend.

Last update: July 26, 2022

"I'm sorry for myself, I feel like I've reached a point where my whole life is a failure and I'm barely worth anything." There are many people going through this dangerous spiral of severe psychological exhaustion. Self compassion leads to constant self-harm, to discouragement and the most dangerous self-boycott.

While it's true that feeling compassion for yourself is sometimes healthy, those who adopt the most self-destructive view gradually build the prison of a mood disorder. Depression, like anxiety disorders, has as its substrate the devaluation of one's being.

The root of this self-perception lies in low self-esteem, added to other variables, such as despair and even learned helplessness.

Self-compassion appears especially following highly stressful situations in which we feel overwhelmed.

Causes of self compassion or self-compassion

Insecurity, despair, the feeling of being worthless and not having achieved any goal ... Many of us can find ourselves in this situation and not knowing how to get out of this mental universe.

Likewise, this perception is not exclusive to weak personalities, on the contrary: a Sometimes we are so tired of being strong that we end up feeling sorry for ourselves.

On the other hand, there is an important fact that we pointed out at the beginning: self-compassion has a positive side and a less positive side.

Research conducted at the University of California indicates that this psychological state can cause a "mental knot" when one falls into a spiral in which factors such as the feeling of loneliness, helplessness and severe stress end up completely blocking the person. Let us now try to identify more causes that orchestrate this situation and what to do.

Low self-esteem and frustration

There are times when we always try to give the best of ourselves, but nothing goes as planned. Although bad times come and go, there are times when we feel that bad luck is with us. Likewise, we tell ourselves that whatever we do, everything is in the worst possible way.

Low self-esteem, frustration and psychological helplessness are integrated into this approach. If such a situation is not handled as soon as possible, the mental wear and tear can be immense.

Cosa possiamo fare?

It is time to change the discourse of negativity from “I'm useless and I'm sorry for myself” to “I have to start seeing things differently”.

For this purpose, it is better to stop living in the past, in what is now lost, in the mistakes made. It is part of yesterday, but we are part of the present, of the here and now.

  • Clarify new short-term goals and imagine a new self. Think of all those psychological traits you would like to acquire and work on them: security, high self-esteem, dynamism, proactivity, etc.
  • Learn problem solving techniques. It is time to feel capable and to be able to face small daily challenges.

Self compassion (when too much is demanded)

“I'm sorry for myself because in the end I'm weaker than I thought. Because I feel overwhelmed, because the loneliness and indifference of others hurt me ”.

Another surprising variable that causes negative self-pity is high personal demand and intolerance of vulnerability.

We feel sorry for ourselves when, all of a sudden, all that that we have done for others is not appreciated and the weight of disappointment and loneliness appears.

This feeling often manifests itself even in those who do not connect with their emotions, limitations and weaknesses. When one is finally aware of one's vulnerability, self-pity arises.

Cosa possiamo fare?

We must learn to manage unpleasant emotions: disappointment, failure, vulnerability ... Nobody can carry the weight of the world on their back and solve every problem of their own and others.

Life is sometimes unfair, people let us down and we too have limits and make mistakes. Accepting all these dimensions and embracing our vulnerable being will allow us to live these experiences with greater ease.

"Self-pity is one of the most destructive non-pharmaceutical narcotics, it creates addiction and distances the person from reality"

-John W. Gardner-

Concatenated stressful events and neuroticism

The Martin Luther University of Halle-Wittenberg (Germany) conducted a study that revealed something interesting. People who feel self compassion show a maladjusted psychological response to highly stressful events. In other words, they face them inadequately.

Job loss, crises like the present one, family and economic problems can completely erode the vision of the ego. According to this research, another factor also comes into play: neuroticism.

There are personalities with a greater tendency to experience negative emotions, as well as irrational thoughts.

Cosa possiamo fare?

People with a tendency to neuroticism suffer to a greater extent from states of anxiety, constant worry, mood swings, irritability, self-destructive ideas. In these cases, professional support is essential.

Feeling sorry for yourself is the beginning of a downward spiral that can lead us to extreme situations. Cognitive-behavioral therapy aimed at working on those irrational ideas to turn them into healthier approaches is the best place to start.


It can happen to everyone to have the feeling that everything is going wrong. This causes us to feel self-pity, compassion and pity towards ourselves.

It's okay to embrace our most fallible selves, but just for a little while. Because then it is necessary to lift him up and infuse him with courage, infinite love and eternal trust.

add a comment of Self compassion: what to do?
Comment sent successfully! We will review it in the next few hours.