Insecurity and low self-esteem are like boulders that we carry on our shoulders. They slow down our every move and push us away from our goals: time to get rid of them!
“The greater your potential, the greater yours will be insecurity. Presumption is the consolation prize of the mediocre. "
It is useless to go around it: we are one generation of narcissists.
Every post we share on Facebook, every selfie we upload to Instagram, every snap we post on Snapchat, are nothing more than intrinsic requests for approval.
And this is how "I like", hearts and retweets have become the pillars of that fragile house of cards we call esteem.
It is therefore not surprising that the more narcissistic we become, the more insecure we feel.
THEchronic insecurity it is now an epidemic between young and old.
We are constantly worried about what others think of us, about our physical appearance, about being late in life, not having been financially successful, never having enough, ... (complete the list with your favorite insecurity ).
With today's article I want to help you understand what are the mental mechanisms that govern our insecurity, but above all I want to provide you 5 practical and effective strategies to get back to having more confidence in you and get rid of that "quivering rabbit" you often turn into.
Specifically, I will talk to you:
- The main cause of your insecurity.
- Of the image of perfection and the image of reality.
- How to overcome insecurity ...
- Looking at her with new eyes.
- By creating a self-esteem file.
- By learning to manage your inner dialogue.
- Remembering that it is invisible.
- Distinguishing it from weakness.
Are you ready? Let's start with the causes of insecurity.
The main cause of your insecurity
As we have seen, constantly begging for the approval of others can seriously jeopardize our self-esteem.
If the confidence we have in ourselves depends exclusively on what others think of us (or in any case on external factors), it will inevitably be not very… solid.
I have already addressed this topic in the past and if you want to deepen it I suggest you read the post:
“Fear of the judgment of others. Understand it and get rid of it “.
At the base of ours insecurity but there is also something else, something that has to do with two images that buzz in our heads ...
Picture of perfection vs. Image of reality
“Don't be afraid of perfection. You will never reach it. "
Each of us has an image in mind that represents our own idea of personal success. We can call this image, theimage of perfection.
(Yes, that's the one you just viewed after reading these last two lines).
The image of perfection is a mental representation of everything we would like to be (from our body, to our bank account, an end to our relationships).
The image itself is not a problem, on the contrary it generally arouses positive emotions in us (on the surface).
Unfortunately, however, our brain continually compares this image of perfection with another image: thepicture of reality (or rather, of what we believe is our reality).
Well ... needless to say that from this confrontation we always come out with broken bones.
Indeed, we are unable to accept this gap between perfection (idealized) and reality (distorted), but above all we are unable to accept ourselves and this generates a profound sense of insecurity.
To regain confidence in ourselves we must therefore recalibrate and refocus these two mental images, making the first (the image of perfection) more concrete and the second (the image of reality) more objective.
Here are 5 practical strategies to achieve exactly this result.
How to overcome insecurity
Below I have deepened 5 techniques that will help you be more confident.
You don't necessarily have to apply all of them. Test the ones you feel most in line with your situation and character, and then evaluate, after 1-2 weeks of practice, how they have made you feel.
Be wary of those who propose the Magic formula self-esteem.
Going back to believing in ourselves is a path that has well-defined stages (in my manual Self-esteem step by step I individualize 5, the 5 "A's" of self-esteem), but between one step and the next we must necessarily experiment and understand which are the most suitable techniques for us.
So let's see the first strategy to overcome insecurity.
See your insecurity with new eyes
Have you ever thought about it? Whenever we feel uncomfortable our first reaction is to want suppress symptoms immediately:
- If we have a headache, we want to suppress the discomfort with a pill.
- If we are nervous, we want to suppress anxiety with a sedative.
- If we have little self-confidence, we want to suppress the insecurity with some technical peel ...
We live in a society where even the slightest annoyance or flaw is considered unacceptable.
But we are really sure that theinsecurity is it absolute evil?
Being insecure is not exclusively synonymous with low self-esteem. Only those who are willing to question themselves (from time to time) can leverage their vulnerability and humility.
The latter are perhaps qualities that we hear little about, as if we were ashamed of them, but the more I grow, the more I recognize their importance.
So learn to see your insecurity in a new light. It is not a trait of your character that you have to ... suppress: it is completely natural and can only make your sterile one more human image of perfection.
Create your own self-esteem file
"For people who do not esteem themselves, success is worth zero, failure is worth double."
As mentioned, our image of reality is often distorted: time to straighten it out.
Create a new text file on your computer, or a note on your smartphone, and collect all the compliments that have been paid to you in your life.
In general he reports in this "self-esteem file”All the episodes that made you feel good, that made you feel appreciated.
Next to each of these compliments / episodes, report the relative quality of your character that emerges.
To be clear: if one day a friend of yours thanked you for giving him a hand in a difficult time, write "I am altruistic", and so on.
Look André, I thought about it for the beauty of 12 seconds flat and I couldn't think of any compliments that were addressed to me and no positive episodes. I'm sorry: I'm the most unlucky person in the world, these techniques don't work with me!
If you have difficulty filling in your "self-esteem file" you have 2 possibilities:
- Move your ass and do something to go about proud.
- Ask the 2-3 people closest to you what they think they are your best qualities.
Ps. It can be a good habit to keep filling out your self-esteem file for the rest of your life. Whenever something happens to you that makes you feel appreciated, taaac ... write it down in your file ;-)
Now let's see the last 3 strategies: the fifth is one of the most important of all!
Learn to manage your inner dialogue
I've often told you about the inner dialogue, or that little voice that does nothing but gossip in your mind, undermining your self-esteem with lies of all kinds (these are only the 3 you tell yourself most often).
Becoming aware of this dialogue is the first step in recognizing its dangers. But that's not enough.
Here then is an effective technique to neutralize this evil voice!
Whenever you notice that the usual mental chant is starting ("I'm too stupid", "I can't do it", "I can't do it", "who knows what he will think of me", etc.), take a notebook or your smartphone and start writing these thoughts.
When writing these thoughts, don't write them in the first person, use the second person singular.
So, that "I am stupid" that buzzes in your head will become "YOU are stupid".
As you write these sentences, then imagine that someone is telling you hateful kid, a real spoiled and unbearable brat.
This simple exercise will help you detach yourself from those thoughts that only drain your self-esteem.
Ps. If you repeat this exercise every time a critical thought arises in your mind, you will also get an additional benefit… but I don't want to take away the pleasure of the surprise! ;-)
Remember it is invisible
I'll tell you a secret ...
Other people are too worried about their own insecurities to notice yours.
We often worry unnecessarily about our alleged weaknesses and shortcomings, which are factual invisible in the eyes of others.
Take this into account the next time you get blocked by your too many mental saws.
Know the difference between insecurity and weakness
Feeling insecure, from time to time, it is quite natural. We have already seen this.
Behaving weak instead it is our choice.
This difference must be extremely clear to you: you can feel insecure and still choose to behave like a person of character, or you can let your insecurities overcome it.
The beauty is that, depending on the choice you make, your insecurities will be fed or wiped out.
Whenever you choose to face your own insecurity, it weakens, but when you listen to it, it strengthens.
I know, it's not easy, but they are brief moments that can affect the rest of your life.
I'm talking about those moments when you say to yourself: "no, fuck it, I'll do it", "I can do it", "yes, and I will prove it".
It takes lucid madness and a pinch of courage, but it is these choices that shape the person you intend to become.