Coexistence is not easy, everyday problems, frustration at not having achieved something and stress caused by work are some of the factors we deal with every day as we try to make sure they don't damage our relationship. . In fact, many of the problems in relationships stem from the way we communicate. However, once wounds open, it is difficult to mend them. As a result, people progressively drift apart until they become two strangers and love fades.
The good news is that improved communication can avoid these unnecessary friction. But to achieve this, it's best to eliminate some classic phrases from our vocabulary, especially when tempers are quite heated. Here are the phrases you should never use:
- "You always do / say ..." or "You never do / say ..."
These phrases are very common and, sometimes they are said unwittingly, out of habit, but in a couple discussion they can be fatal because the other person will take them literally and, to be honest, they are excessive phrases. So, when you want to emphasize something, it is better to use only the phrase: "sometimes you ...".
- "My / my ex didn't do that ..."
If there is one thing we all hate is being compared to someone, it is as if we are programmed to make comparisons, but also to react negatively when others do. It is a habit that would be best eliminated because each person is different, not better or worse than another. Of course, if you compare yourself to the ex, this can become an explosive cocktail.
- “I'll explain how to do it"
In general, no one cares because someone explains the technical steps required to do something, but when one of the two partners is already angry, they can interpret it as an attack on their ability and it could deeply damage their self-esteem. Therefore, it is best to ask if he needs your help.
- "If you really loved me you would do ..."
Love is not a bargaining chip, mature love gives without expecting anything in return, because in the process of giving it finds satisfaction. Also, this sentence is a clear attempt at emotional manipulation that will not lead to anything good in the relationship.
- "Nothing happens to me ..."
If you see a mile away that you are irritated, you better express what you are feeling or
just say that you are angry and that you prefer to talk about it later. When a person who loves you asks you what's wrong, it's because they care about you and want to help you. Denying what you are feeling is like intentionally avoiding someone who loves you.
- "It's all your fault"
In a relationship it is difficult to find the culprit because, in one way or another, they both have their degree of responsibility for what happened. To blame only one person means not only ignoring our responsibility, but also washing our hands of the solution. That way, the relationship won't last long.
- "Forget it, I better do it"
This phrase is intended to denigrate the other and show him that his efforts are not enough for you. But in a couple relationship it is important to perceive that the other appreciates us, when one of the two tramples on the ego of the other continuously, the breakup could be around the corner.
- "You do not understand me"
Often the other person does not understand us, it is normal, but we must remember that we are complicated and sometimes we also know what we want. Instead of blaming your partner and telling him he doesn't understand you, try to explain to him how you feel.
- "Do just like your father (or mother)"
This phrase is almost always used to highlight the negative traits of the family of origin, so it would be better never to use it, especially if your partner does not have good relationships with the person with whom we compare him. Also, remember that no matter how bad relationships may be, these phrases are perceived as an external attack that can lead the person to take a defensive stance against you. After all, your partner has spent many years with their parents and, in one way or another, loves them.
- "This is not important"
If your partner introduces a topic this is probably very important to them (unless they introduce it to distract the discussion). Therefore, instead of rejecting the subject, try to understand what he meant and how it relates to the subject you are talking about. If you don't see a relationship ask him to explain.