You are not guilty, but responsible

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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You are not guilty, but responsible

Last update: January 05, 2017

"I am the culprit. It's all my fault". As a result, everything that happens to me, "I deserved it." These are all phrases that we have uttered at least once and with which we have punished ourselves more than was necessary.

The language we use has a direct impact on our understanding of life. People are rarely aware of this effect, and therefore risk taking many of the events that occur to an extreme. This is because of the conditioning exerted by the words that were used to express those adversities.



We have all gone through times when we didn't like the way we behaved, the way we resolved some situations, or how someone's words or behaviors hurt us. Sometimes we have been too hard on ourselves, stepping on or judging ourselves harshly.

Moreover, often the events in question belong to the past and have no real impact on the present. Still, we feel guilty and torture ourselves. Let's reflect on this ...

The boycott of our interiority

"It's all my fault. I'm the culprit. " These are sentences full of connotations negative that cloud the ability of our brain to reason, given the great intensity of the emotion they provoke. At the same time, they block our ability to react by preventing us from facing the situation in a winning way, coming to make us believe with absolute certainty that we deserve all the negative things that happen to us.

 If we choose to convince ourselves that everything is wrong and take refuge in the "I can not help it", what reason would we have to try to get out of this hole that we dug for ourselves?



We can find, in this belief, more than a similarity to superstition: irrational beliefs through which people blame their misfortunes on external incidents - such as throwing salt on the ground, breaking a mirror or seeing a black cat cross. the street. According to some, these dangers cause bad luck and cannot be avoided.

We must begin to understand that we are responsible, not guilty, of what happens to us in life, with our actions and with our words.. This concept has a positive connotation and offers us the possibility of internal control. Thinking in this way, we will enter a situation that predisposes us to act to try to resolve, by changing or improving, an unfavorable situation, whether we have touched iron or not.

The trap of bad luck

If we decide to attribute to luck the task of deciding our destiny, we will no longer be responsible for our lives. In fact, we will put ourselves on the opposite side to where we should be, in a situation of external control in which we attribute our suffering or our joys to pure chance or the intervention of other people.

By giving rise to this way of thinking, we will become passive in the face of the successes we obtain, with the consequence of making our self-esteem and our personal respect lose solidity.

The ability to permanently position ourselves in an internal control situation is in our hands. It is precisely when we act in this way that our experiences, positive or negative, stop escaping our control, no matter how hard we put in.


Don't forget that a high percentage of your successes depend on you and that the way your interpersonal relationships develop is in your hands. Do not close yourself, highlight your personal skills to make them reconcile with everything around you.


To you, who do not know (or perhaps yes), I say to stop punishing yourself, to stop questioning yourselves, to feel guilty. Stop wasting time feeling like you deserve all the bad things that happen to you. Love and respect each other. Be responsible for your life, so as not to compromise your self-esteem: only in this way will you be able to set in motion everything that cannot be missing - and perhaps even more - to obtain an improvement, progress or a change in what torments you.


"Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one's life - is the source of self-respect."

-Joan Didion-

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