Last update: April 05, 2015
Who has never happened to suffer one heartbreak? We all have emotional wounds that lead us to be afraid of exposing ourselves to situations similar to those that made us feel bad. One of the risks we are afraid to run is precisely that of love.
And so, especially in the early stages of emotional wound healing, many people close in on themselves tightly, and struggle to start over. Others, on the other hand, do exactly the opposite and immediately look for someone to replace the person they have lost, thinking that, as they say, “nail drives out nail”.
3 wrong ways to react to a disappointment in love
1. Becoming too demanding. This reaction is to develop excessive needs before starting a relationship with someone else. Sometimes these are realistic and just conditions, but other times they are exaggerated and we feed them on purpose, without realizing it, with the aim of not suffering anymore, as if it were a defense mechanism.
Many people claim to be very demanding and that it is difficult for them to fall in love, but behind this attitude there is often the fear of suffering; for this they always look for defects in others, in order to immediately close possible new relationships.
2. Living in the past. It consists in being unable to leave behind a love story that is now over. We keep remembering the person who made us suffer, thinking that we will never find anyone else equal to him. The problem with this way of reacting is that we convince ourselves that we will never fall in love the same way, and so we fall into inactivity.
In the end, it may happen that we don't fall in love with anyone else, but it will probably be due to the fact that we will never take the initiative and we will not meet new people. There are many people in the world, and for sure there will always be someone who is right for you: but to get to know him, you must have an active social life.
3. Self-sabotage. It means being very negative and self-critical, not believing in ourselves, not valuing ourselves, continuing to find excuses not to throw ourselves into new adventures, etc. It consists of putting a spoke in the wheel yourself when we set ourselves a goal.
After a negative experience, those who have alow self-esteem he often experiences guilt and feelings of defeat. It is precisely these negative feelings and thoughts that make people's receptivity to a similar situation more complicated. This happens because, if we feel we are worth very little, it will be difficult to open up and have the courage to start a new phase in our life.
Recover the ability to love
Thoughts and feelings are closely related. Thus, feelings can change according to the way we think, and we can generate new feelings through our thoughts. The end of a story can generate fear, anger or sadness in us, but (and here comes the beauty!) We can generate joy through our memories, our attention, or our attitude in dealing with negative emotions. Moving forward is not an obligation, but a great opportunity to achieve something better. In fact, if that story is over, it probably means it wasn't really worth it.
Knowing that we can exercise some control over our emotions, become aware of them, is the first step to be able to exploit one of the most powerful weapons we have at our disposal. Allowing us to use it is a difficult step, and it is up to us to decide whether or not to do it. Sometimes understanding the degree of control we may have can be frightening, because it implies a great responsibility.
After all, the mind functions as an echo for the emotions. So, for example, we go out for a walk in the mountains on a rainy day and, if we focus on the muddy ground and the cold, our emotions will be negative; if, on the other hand, we manage to turn a blind eye to the negative aspects and stop to look at the wonderful landscape, we will experience a feeling of well-being and satisfaction.
After all, nothing in this life lasts forever, not even our very existence. To succeed in accept that something that had to end is over and understanding that this does not diminish its value but gives us the opportunity to discover and start new projects, is a way of thinking and acting that helps not to waste the precious time of our life.
Image courtesy of Brandon Warren
