Last update: May 14, 2017
When you have a desire or a goal in mind, you have to be cautious, cautious. We must be careful with whom we share our ambitions, because, even if we do not believe it, abound people who want to extinguish the enthusiasm of others, who envy others' dreams, who surpass others in achieving these same goals and, of course, it is the people who will later judge on what has been achieved.
One thing everyone knows is that it's not always easy to spot people who aren't trustworthy. What's more, many times we place in the hands, minds and hearts of others the visualization of an entire life project. An example of this are the times in which we seek the closeness of our parents and siblings to talk to them about our desire to reach a certain goal, to embark on a journey, to take risks with a relationship ...
In a short time, and almost without expecting it, a skeptical expression appears on the other side, an ironic look and a word that reduces our enthusiasm. "Get it out of your head, it's silly.", "I tell you because I love you, what you are thinking of doing is beyond your means, be objective and abandon this idea" ...
These and many others are among the most common phrases that arise in these situations. Even if there are also, of course, those who do not tell us anything and make us believe that they support us, that we can count on their help, their complicity and their support. However, in the most unexpected moment the little betrayal or the unexpected disappointment appears.
Why do we do it? Why are we sometimes wrong in sharing our desires and ambitions with certain people?
It is not our fault: the human being is programmed to trust others
For most of us, the classic situation of a person who wants a promotion at work and tells his colleague during a coffee break is familiar. At lunchtime, the whole company is already aware of its goal. Should the employee have been more cautious? Was he supposed to apply a filter with which to anticipate the possible consequences of his revelation?
The answer is "no and yes" at the same time. First of all "no" because according to neurobiology we are all programmed to trust our fellow men. This is explained by a work published in "The Journal Neurosciencie" and in which it is highlighted that trust is fundamental for our social life, because, otherwise, if we feared being betrayed at any moment, we would live subjected to stress almost traumatic.
On the other hand, we can sometimes err on the side of a certain lack of caution or, in other words, of not being competent in applying the three rules that define the dynamic of trust or good confidant. Below we explain what they are based on.
To trust or not to trust: that is the question
When in doubt, be careful. However, what happens to us many times is that the same enthusiasm of the project in question is the crackling emotion of the innovative project lead us to open our filters too much, to the point of sharing less suitable information with the less suitable people.
It is advisable to be cautious and apply these simple principles:
- Reliability is certainly the first pillar. We must confide our desires and dreams to those who have shown us on other occasions that we can trust him / her, who does not judge us, who always accepts us as we are.
- Authentic emotional connection. This second dimension always forces us to trust the people with whom we have a true and lasting emotional intimacy, they can be friends, family, partners ...
- Affective empathy and cognitive empathy. It is not enough for these people to be infected by our enthusiasm, our dreams and our contained happiness. We also want them to understand what we think, to be able to understand our point of view.
Sometimes it can happen that, even if this "trident" of trust exists, the person disappoints us. Whether our lifelong friend does it, betrays us, or our family reacts contrary to what we originally expected… Knowing how to act in these cases will be of great help.