Treason wound: how to heal it

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Robert Maurer

Treason wound: how to heal it

Last update: April 08, 2020

Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences one can live. It doesn't matter whether it's your partner, friend or family member. Anyone who betrays our trust opens a wound that will struggle to heal if they ever do. Of course, the betrayal wound is even more painful when it is inflicted by a person we trusted blindly.

Well, not all disappointments can be categorized as betrayal. In fact, the human being cannot avoid disappointing others, one or more times. Sometimes we simply fail to live up to the circumstances and end up disappointing the people we love.

"He betrays himself more often out of weakness than out of a deliberate intent to betray."

-François de La Rochefoucauld-

The betrayals that mark and really hurt are those made deliberately, with total awareness and guided by selfish reasons. Those by those who had assured us one thing and who in the moment of truth behaved differently, aware of breaking his word.

The different types of betrayal

When we talk about this topic, we tend to think immediately of betrayal in love. However, there are different types of betrayal. From that towards oneself, up to that which is the result of a real plot hatched and consciously carried out against someone.

Any type of betrayal has two aspects in common: the break with what was previously established, implicitly or explicitly, and break trust.

Agreements and expectations, illusions and promises are betrayed. He betrays himself with words and deeds.

The betrayed person experiences the bitterest of flavors, that of deception. She feels mocked and understated. His feelings, thoughts and expectations of her have been trampled on. She has been transformed into an object to achieve an end. That's right: she was used and manipulated for something she was unaware of. This is why betrayal hurts so much and leaves a strong mark on those who have been victims of it.

Healing a betrayal wound

The most harmful effect of a betrayal is given by the deep sense of mistrust that arises in the betrayed person, that because of this experience he could lose faith in the whole world. A betrayal wound sometimes has a tremendous impact that cannot heal on its own. This is why it becomes essential to find the right resources to overcome the situation. Here are some strategies to do this:

  • Assess the situation. It is important to give due weight to every circumstance that led to the betrayal, especially considering whether or not there was the intention to do harm. Intentions are important.
  • Don't blame yourself. Even if the betrayed person is in fact a victim, it can happen that he falls into the temptation to blame himself for what happened. To blame herself and to be stupid. We must not take responsibility for faults that correspond to others. But above all, you have to be good to yourself.
  • Accept what happened. Sometimes there is the risk of denying or denying what happened. Be careful, doing this does not allow you to move forward: the best thing to do is to accept the past and try to understand if there is a solution or not.
  • Take your time. Betrayal upsets feelings. It is important to take time to let the initial impact give way to a clearer view of the situation.
  • Take stock. All human beings can make mistakes, this should not be forgotten. As difficult as it is, it is important to take stock of what that person has brought into our life, and the real weight of his betrayal.
  • Seek the path of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean accepting what happened without consequences or pretending it didn't happen. Rather, it is about reconciling with yourself and learning to leave the facts behind.

Although a betrayal wound heals slowly, it does not necessarily have to generate eternal trauma. The first duty of the betrayed person is to recover the balance to move forward. We must avoid that the mistakes of others turn into a mark that marks us for the rest of our life.

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