There are days when I need a hug, but I don't want to see anyone

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Robert Maurer

There are days when I need a hug, but I don't want to see anyone

Last update: February 18, 2022

There are days like this: disharmonious, strange and contradictory. These are moments in which we need the warmth of a hug, that warm skin that gives us affection and closeness. However, and almost at the same time, we want to take refuge in a private corner where no one can see us, where we can think in silence with solitude as our only companion.

What happens to us? Is there something wrong with us if on more than one occasion we find ourselves in this situation or state of mind? The answer is no". We must not see pathological problems in isolated moments which, in reality, are completely normal. The problem will only arise if this state becomes chronic.

On the other hand, it must be emphasized that these emotional contradictions arise on multiple occasions and for the most varied reasons. Sometimes they are due to small hormonal fluctuations or even to the simple change of season, when the adhesion potential of serotonin decreases and we experience, consequently, small alterations in the mood.

However, thene of the most common origins lies in the surrounding environment and in the way we manage and deal with many of the everyday situations. Because the world and human relationships are also very contradictory, chaotic and even capricious. There are mornings when everything shines with the color of hope, but as night falls disenchantment arises and certainties collapse one by one.

How can we better deal with these dissonances and these external and internal ups and downs? We'll talk about it below.

Learning to live with contradiction

Everyone would like to live in a world of certainties, of solid feelings, of precise logics and in which ambiguity was not understood. However, it must be clear: the world, society and even ourselves, with our complex emotional world, are dissonant and changing. Almost unwittingly, we have to make great efforts to find harmony in the midst of chaos, because this is how we grow, this is how we learn and then, little by little, day after day, self-regulate, find our personal balance.

We learn to accept these contradictions, both others' and personal ones. There will be days when, indeed, everything will happen perfectly and there will be periods during which it will seem to us that everything goes wrong and in which hope is not visible even from a distance. We will feel alone, hurt and even full of anger in the face of such frustration, but at the same time in need of a hug, comfort and closeness.

We must make an effort to live with complexity and uncertainty. Normally accepting that nothing is completely safe, that life is made up of cycles, that relationships change and that even we ourselves change in our needs and priorities, will be a way to break the curse of malaise. Those who obsess and cling to the need for eternal permanence suffer. Those who do not accept change, loss or even the challenge that knocks on their door risk ceasing to grow as a person.

Those days when I need a hug and also to be alone

We have to admit, there is no worse feeling than being angry with the world, but at the same time that you need the most basic, purest and closest love. Having this feeling, strange as it may seem to us, is completely normal, a reality that we will experience on numerous occasions.

Igor Grossmann, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Waterloo, Canada, explains that these moments of emotional contradiction can actually be very productive. They are for one essential aspect: they can help us to see a given situation from multiple perspectives. However, if you don't manage this burden of opposing emotions adequately and let it become a constant in your life, you run the risk of getting into depression.

We need to learn to break up and analyze these emotions to make the most of them. We explain how.

Learn to manage the emotional contradiction

The first step to unrolling the ball of our little emotional chaos is to proceed with acceptance. Accepting does not mean surrendering to suffering at all, but recognizing what is happening to us in a realistic, sincere, courageous and sensitive way at the same time.

Look under the microscope of your consciousness every reality that forms the puzzle of your malaise. "I feel anger because I have been disappointed", "I am afraid because I do not know what decision to make," I would like that person to understand what is happening to me "...

The second step has to do with the need to give productive and effective responses. To do this, we need to invest a little courage, a lot of ingenuity and a lot of will into this process. “If I want that person to understand what happens to me, I have to tell him”, “If they have disappointed me, if they have hurt me, I have to turn the page and meet new people, change scenarios”.

The last step in this emotional self-management strategy is, perhaps, the most important. We speak, no doubt, of the need to control limiting beliefs, intrusive thoughts, negative obsessions and the psychological artillery with which we ourselves self-sabotage.

Knowing, controlling and managing our emotional universe is a weapon of power and well-being. It means finding internal harmony in a sometimes contradictory world, reaching balance in those periods in which everything overwhelms us and our emotional scores come off.

We all deserve a hug every now and then, a hug to repair us. However, above all else, we have an obligation to take care of ourselves as precious beings, as treasures of our own universes.

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