Last update: 07 September, 2020
The idea has spread that it exists the love of life. In one way or another it is a contemporary version of the myth of the soul mate. It introduces the idea that there is a great love predestined for us and that it is our job to seek and find it. It is believed that if the love of life is not found, we must keep searching.
There is nothing wrong with adorning love and relationship with romantic ideas. Indeed, it can be stimulating. Il problem it comes when you think you haven't found the love of life yet, but that it will happen sooner or later. And that will last forever. If not, it is because this person "was not the right one", but she will be someone else.
“Not being loved is simple misfortune; the real misfortune is not to love ”.
-Albert Camus-
This perspective can lead some people to live for something that is ideal. And ideal things populate only the world of ideas, and not that of reality. For this reason, it is worth shedding some light. To do this, here are five reasons why you can't find the love of life.
Reasons why the love of life cannot be found
1. It does not exist
The first reason for which the love of life is not found is because it does not exist. Or at least it doesn't exist in these terms, that is, someone predestined to occupy an extraordinary place in our hearts. There is not one person with whom we can be happy in a relationship, but many.
Any relationship, however wonderful, it can end. This does not depend on fate, nor on strange and contrary forces. It is simply a consequence of multiple factors. The most frequent is made up of frustrated expectations and the difficulty in welcoming the other into our life in a mature way.
2. Narcissism does not allow you to accept differences
Many people think their ideal partner is a kind of mirror of themselves. They are looking for someone who is their version in a foreign body. It is obvious that there must be a solid compatibility between the two components of the couple, but this does not eliminate the fact that there can also be, and there are, great differences between the partners.
If you don't find the love of life, you probably have a too personal idea of ​​love. Perhaps you believe that great love will fill your needs or make your wishes come true. And you? Are you able to satisfy any of the other person's needs or desires? Or are you only looking at what is up to you, without taking into account the other side of the coin?
3. Adolescent fantasies
Many people still support the idea that someone has to "appear" to make them feel butterflies in their stomachs, the sweat in the hands and the heart in the throat. May you take them to heaven with just her presence. Everything else is boring.
These fantasies are reminiscent of early teenage loves. It is not only love, but also youth that leads us to experience affections in this way. Youth, however, does not return, nor will the loves be as effervescent as they were then. They could be better, more real and lasting.
4. The ability to commit is not developed
One of the most common reasons for not finding the love of life may be the inability to commit. Making a commitment is never easy. It involves a combination of losses and sacrifices. And also an acceptance that reality is incomplete and imperfect. It is the negation of the romantic fantasy, because it is a rational act.
Sometimes we don't want to accept that reality has ordinary sides, where violins don't play. The commitment is not compatible with theidealism, but with realism. Not everyone has the tools to engage the heart with another person. If this is the case, no love can survive time and hardship.
5. Obsession with success
Nowadays there is a great obsession with success, particularly in the professional sphere. People wish to ascend to the maximum on the job ladder. They want more money, more prestige and more of everything. The only way to do this is to dedicate your life to work and projects.
Under these conditions, it is very difficult for a great love to thrive. For these people, even love ends up being a business that demands profitability. At this point it is necessary to reveal one of the great secrets of true love: we fall in love with the vulnerabilities and needs of the other; not of his certainties and his successes.
If you complain about not finding the love of your life, perhaps you should reflect on the fact that there is nothing to find. It is not a question of seeking, but of building. It is not a question of being loved, but of loving. Yes, the formula for having a completely happy relationship is really that simple.
