Talking about your feelings with others is therapeutic

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Robert Maurer

Talking about your feelings with others is therapeutic

Last update: May 30, 2017

When we are together with other people, we sometimes hide our feelings. We are ashamed of feeling emotions that we consider negative and that, mistakenly, we are convinced they make us appear as weak people in the eyes of others. We want at all costs to be strong on an emotional level, trying not to be touched by anything or anyone, and proposing the image of a “mature and rational person”.

The truth is, applying rational thinking in an effort to be more mature every day is wonderful. In the first place, for ourselves, that thanks to practice we will be able to download a whole series of unnecessary sorrows. Secondly, in improving relationships with others, because by not exaggerating, knowing how to manage emotions adequately and behaving in a functional and sensible way, the environment around us will also improve.

This does not mean to stop feeling human beings: During your life, it is inevitable to feel unhappy, anxious or short-tempered more times than we would like to be. Consequently, being a natural thing, what we can do is normalize this situation, without hiding and accepting ourselves. Of course, always in moderation: even if talking to others about our feelings is therapeutic, exaggerating may not work in our favor.

Why is it good to talk about your feelings?

Whether it's negative or positive feelings, sharing them with others is always good. In the case of positive feelings, because it magnifies them making us feel in celebration. Who wouldn't want to tell their partner they got a job promotion?

However, there are also times when we find ourselves sharing negative thoughts. In this case, the first advantage is that, in exposing our feeling, we avoid running away from it and therefore increase the chances of taking on the responsibilities necessary to face it. At the same time, in exposing ourselves we will allow the negative emotion to subside. By talking about our negative feeling, we can explore our situation from other points of view, often less pessimistic than we think.

When we try to erase an emotion as if it were a sentence written in pencil on a simple sheet of paper, what we actually trigger is the increase of the emotion itself. We tell ourselves that we shouldn't feel that way and this need only adds to the pressure. The consequence is an increase in our state of anxiety and malaise, which will lead to an inevitable increase in negative emotion.

When we share the way we feel, we accept the feeling, we leave it alone in our body. In this way, we decrease its intensity.

On the other hand, talking about our emotions improves relationships. In fact, we allow the listener to feel like our confidant, someone to whom we have decided to give our trust, showing appreciation and affection towards him, and making him feel an active part of our life.

Two heads are always better than one. What we mean is that by telling about your problems or talking about how you feel with other people, it will probably be easier to find a solution that gives you relief. Sometimes we feel so low that we can't see what others are able to see without effort.

When to talk about your feelings with others?

Whenever you feel a weight within you, a block that does not allow you to think clearly and even less to act effectively, you should share it. You can do it with your best friend, a parent or a psychologist. Whoever the person is, the suggestion is not to keep the feeling just to yourself.

There are situations in which talking about one's emotions seems extremely difficult, yet we must find the courage, put aside the shame for what we are feeling and share it.

For example, when our partner does something we don't like. Instead of getting angry with everything inside, isn't it better to tell him how we feel? If we don't, we will end up accumulating anger until our way of expressing what we feel is no longer adequate.

First of all, always try to make yourself responsible for your feelings. Formulate a sentence that begins with “I feel…”, followed by your reasons, ending with an acceptance of the other person's point of view.

We can also share what's happening to us with people who have nothing to do with the problem, such as a friend. He will be able to give us his point of view, helping us to find a solution. In this case, however, do not stoop to criticizing other people, because doing so would have the opposite effect: increase your negativity.

Always try to express your feelings if possible. You are human and as such it is natural to feel. We all have them. Not telling them will not make you stronger, on the contrary you will leave your anxieties free in view of a possible rejection.

Since the human being tends to be empathetic, others are unlikely to reject you because you are sick. If that happens, however, it's not your problem and means absolutely nothing. Remember that talking about problems and emotions is not only good for youbut those around you will also benefit from your trust and strengthen the bond they have with you.

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