Last update: 25 September, 2016
Sometimes first love doesn't always come in the right order. There are relationships that we begin at a mature age and that allow us to discover magical and unexpected people in whose arms we like to take refuge, because they smell of home and their kisses smell of sugar and fire at the same time. Mature love has no age, it is worthy, vital and energetic.
A fact common to many meaningful relationships in mature age is that one of the two members had the clear confidence that for him / her the doors of love had closed forever. Sometimes we collect sentimental failures so desolating that we have the sensation that our heart, now turned to stone, has fallen into the depths of a well.
One important thing must be remembered: not all people, for the simple fact of having reached the age of 50 or 60, are able to build a mature, conscious and happy love. There are many bitter hearts that have inflicted pain on us, who have not been able to carry out the inner journey in which to be able to forgive, in which to make past experiences renewed paths to be traveled with enthusiasm.
It is not the years or the pains that generate maturity, but the attitude and wisdom of the emotions; not all, however, have a degree or a doctorate in this sector. We invite you to reflect on this.
Mature Love: Building Perfect Presents
When we come to an age where decades have drawn more stories in us than we could possibly tell, sometimes we see ourselves as those ripe fruits slightly bruised on the edges. We must never forget that ripe fruits have a much sweeter and more pleasant taste than those that are too green, too hard and a little bitter.
Our experiences are not a ballast; conversely, no one should be the result of his own disappointments, failures, and even less the wounds inflicted by others. We are our attitude to what we have experienced, never a mere result. For this reason, mature love adds a dose of wisdom to the feeling to be able to build what really matters: happy presents, worthy and passionate presents in which to discover each other.
Neither member renounces his past, they simply accept each other, how do we accept bare skins inhabited by some scars, some wrinkles left by time on those perfectly imperfect faces and bodies on which, certainly, decades or disappointments do not matter; only the pleasure of the "here and now".
Wise artisans of love
Francesco Alberoni is a well-known sociologist specialized in emotional relationships who gave us interesting books such as "Falling in love and love". According to Alberoni, the human being has not yet understood what are the mechanisms of authentic and lasting love. Many let themselves be carried away by the chemical shipwreck that is falling in love, passion, the need for each other, but few come to understand that, above all, to love means to know how to build.
Mature loves already know in excess what it means to be in love, therefore in this phase of life they desire a deeper and at the same time delicate feeling. They want intimacy, the complicity of two gazes that mean each other without words, they want to have common spaces in which to respect the individuality of each one as well. They are eager for a strong and noble bond to work on and to invest every day in this implicit but present pact: love.
Erich Fromm used to say that loving is an art. It is not just a pleasant relationship, the one that undoubtedly brings us falling in love, in which there is no need to do anything, just feel, just let yourself be carried away, breathe, dream and let yourself fall into the deep meanders of desire.
Loving is an art because it requires effort, it is like giving shape to a sculpture or a canvas on which every brushstroke is essential to give perspective, body and beauty to the work. Mature love, the one that comes when we have already left our youth, is able to trace every movement with subtle perfection, because he is an expert craftsman of emotions, because he no longer needs to prove anything and knows what he wants.
Authentic people build authentic, full and satisfying loves. It does not matter, therefore, that the first love did not come in the right order. Life, after all, always has a wonderfully chaotic touch and we have no other remedy than to let ourselves be carried away as we advance with enthusiasm and with a heart that is always on, always young.