Last update: 02 September, 2020
Falling in love and loving someone implies taking a leap into the void and sharing the most intimate part of ourselves. This is why some people try strong insecurity in the couple relationship. To love means to trust, to let it flow and to open up to another person.
The couple must be a safe place where they can express themselves and show who they really are without worries. If this is not possible, the relationship is likely to poison itself due to insecurity and doubts.
In this article we will focus on the signs of insecurity in the relationship, which can arise when the relationship has already started or when it is considered over.
It must also be said that one of the signs of insecurity is to abandon "the playing field" a priori. So let's talk about when you know someone you really like, but even before any kind of bond is formed, insecurity, dizziness, fear of being hurt or abandoned begin to surface.
Running away when you are getting to know someone is a sign of insecurity known and identified by those who experience it firsthand and by those who suffer it. However, other signs of insecurity in the relationship may go unnoticed; we analyze them in the following paragraphs.
Signs of insecurity in the couple relationship
Control and jealousy
One of the reactions caused by insecurity in the relationship is the search for control over the relationship (the things you do together) and the partner (what you do or stop doing). Some people have a very high need for control, meaning they need a high degree of control in order not to feel threatened. We are talking about a need that often spills over to the partner.
Typically when one person tries to control another, they feel insecure. A very high need for control can apparently go hand in hand with psychological problems such as OCD.
Insecurity in a relationship also manifests itself in the form of jealousy. A sign of insecurity par excellence. People who are confident in their relationship and who have self-confidence can also be jealous, but without the intensity or frequency to dominate them.
A good way to combat jealousy is to eliminate all behaviors that lead to this feeling. For example, ask your partner where he is, what time he will arrive, who he saw, look at her profile on social networks, etc.
Continuous search for signs of affection and love: "Tell me you love me"
Expecting constant displays of affection from your partner is a sign of insecurity in the relationship. It is a pleasure for everyone to receive affectionate demonstrations, but it is quite different to count the times that the partner makes an affectionate gesture.
Some people measure and compare the loving gestures they receive from their partner. They specifically ask the partner to express and quantify the love they feel.
Those who feel insecure about their relationship use expressions such as: "you are not as affectionate as you are with your friends" or "when we are at home, you do not show your affection and when we are in company, yes". Signs of fear, insecurity and low self-esteem.
On the other hand, it must be considered that these evaluations are natural if done infrequently. Those who are sure of themselves and their relationship understand that one passes through different states and that each of them changes one's disposition towards others, including the partner.
Research by Dr. Megan McCarthy at the University of Waterloo states that when you have low self-esteem the person tends not to talk about their needs in order not to annoy the partner. In most cases, however, this makes it difficult to create a healthy bond, as regrets, criticisms and malaise can appear over time.
Do not express your opinions and avoid conflicts
Arguing and disagreeing with your partner is healthy. THE disagreements and differences of opinion are necessary to learn to live with the other person. In fact, each of us has their own characteristics and needs.
There are many people who try to dismiss any foreboding of discussion, thinking that it is a symptom of weakness within the couple. They thus avoid sharing their opinions to promote speeches that coincide with the ideas expressed by the partner.
This habit, which in the short term can be good for communication, ends up destroying the person and the couple in the long run. On the other hand, the lack of spontaneity, instead of eliminating the insecurity in the couple relationship, increases it.
The three signs we just talked about are not only useful for identifying insecurity in the relationship, they are also good strategies for changing attitudes. The couple is an important pillar able to promote well-being when you feel you can rely on it while remaining yourself. If not, it generates great tension.