Last update: 25 March, 2015
If you want a butterfly, the more you chase and search for it, the more it will escape from your hands, while if you let it free, it may land on its own on your shoulder. This phrase, when applied in real life, could be compared to people who tend to oppress others.
The most common thing among people who chase and push too much is that the opposite effect is achieved in the end. To verify this, think if you have ever had friends or acquaintances who have pressed you so much that you want to lose contact.
In general, they don't like to feel obligated to anything; when you feel like it, you match alone. Insisting too much, whether in a friendly or amorous way, often makes people want to get away.
For example, imagine you have a friend who you talk to often, but who you don't feel like contacting during this time due to lack of time, overwork, and a need for intimacy. At this point you will realize the type of person you are relating to.
Way of acting of a healthy and mature personality
If someone appreciates you and you stop contacting them, they can insist, but in a way that doesn't limit your freedom. A healthy course of action would be by making comments like “how are you? We haven't talked for a long time, we hope to see you soon "," I hope things are going the right way and let's see if we can hear each other. I miss you ”,“ how are you? When you have the chance, we could go for a coffee ”.
This way of speaking denotes a willingness to reconnect, but there is neither oppression nor victimhood. If there is no response from the other side, the person should let the other "fly" as it is clear that, whatever the reason, he has no desire or time to get back in touch. When he wants to have contact with someone, a healthy personality tries to do it, but he realizes when he is not paid and steps aside leaving space and without anger or pressure.
Way of acting of a person who does not respect the freedom of others
Here are some examples of phrases that someone who does not respect the freedom of others could say and with whom it was decided not to keep in touch: “why don't you write to me? are you angry? "," I haven't heard from you for a long time, I don't know what I did to you, but you are hurting me very much "," I've been trying to meet you for a long time and I know that you are avoiding me "," what problems do you have with me? ”,“ I don't understand your attitude of ignoring me, we have to talk quickly ”.
Take it for granted that there is anger, say that you are sick, insist on speaking immediately, and so on they are pressures to try to make the other feel guilty when in reality the reasons why someone stops making themselves heard can be many. Therefore, jumping to conclusions and putting pressure on them usually do not give good results.
Pressing causes a negative effect
Pressuring does not allow you to hold others back. Usually the effect it produces is that of wanting to move away because there is a feeling of lack of freedom. Conversely, accepting things can ensure that the person who is walking away can retrace their steps when they feel like it.
This is what sometimes happens between good friends, who are not always in constant contact, but who if there is no pressure and if they accept the personal space of the other they will know that they are free to move away when they need to be alone or have short while. This freedom of knowing that, although you may want to disconnect for a while, it will not be negatively taken by the other is what most brings people together.
When you feel that your way of acting is accepted, you give more confidence to relationships because you feel free to walk away knowing that you are understood and knowing that there is always someone willing to enjoy our company when they can, accepting that they will not be. always so for different circumstances.
If you like someone, let them fly free, let life flow naturally, and time will set things right. This person will fly to your side of their own free will, without the need for pressure or victimization.
The best recipe for attracting people who want to be in your company is to make yourself known, to show your best side, to show your interest once, and to let the other person make the next move; if he does, congratulations, otherwise leave him free and look for another butterfly.
Image courtesy of: Angela Marie Henriette