Last update: October 11, 2017
When we “lose” something or someone, beyond pain, despair and pride, a lesson is hidden that in itself can heal us. The conception of loss is linked to the fickle interpretations of our ego. Based on how we relate to ourselves, we can see loss as a low blow played by destiny or as a situation to be faced and learned from. Also supporting him was Charles Dickens, an English writer who learned a lesson from every defeat.
No one is truly prepared to endure difficult experiences. The teaching comes from losses and defeats. Losses make us complete people by teaching us a part of life, although our ego places hope in other aspirations.
We will all suffer from the loss of family, friends, partners. The real problem is not wanting to face or accept it. We know that these are experiences that will arise and when they do, we will learn a life lesson from them. No doubt many of these lessons will be precious and painful.
"The real way to always come out as winners is not to want to always win"
How can we emerge strengthened from a loss?
Suffering is an aspect of life that cannot be eradicated, just as the influence of mocking fate or death cannot be removed. Without them, life would not be complete. The loss of family members and loved ones, therefore, is a pain that is part of the process of life, without which life would not be such. In these cases, acceptance is the key so that the natural pain for these losses does not turn into a constant and expanded suffering, which would put us in a maladaptive state.
In his beautiful book "A psychologist in the concentration camps", Viktor Frankl shows us the loss from a more human and adaptive point of view. The way in which man accepts his destiny and all the suffering it brings with it bring a deeper meaning to his life. Even in the most difficult circumstances, man can maintain his worth, his dignity, his generosity or he can forget his human dignity and become the most destructive of animals.
Very often it is a particularly difficult external situation, such as the loss of a family member or the breakdown of an emotional relationship, that gives people the opportunity to grow spiritually, to overcome their limits. He who loses faith in the future is doomed, he will lose himself and become the lost of physical and mental apathy.
The only thing we cannot lose is ourselves. This is what we must and can take care of first of all.
"Tell me and I forget it, teach me and remember it, involve me and I learn it"
-Benjamin Franklin-
With each loss you learn something that you had to learn
Not everything we learn through the loss of someone or something is positive. We also need to learn from the negative side that loss brings. For example, in breakups, loss leaves an almost indelible trace in our ego, which continues to be felt even when the feelings are now gone. We need to learn from the negative side of the loss and focus on what positive this situation brings with it.
I learn from every loss, despite the pain
From the day we are born, we learn to find security in possessing and keeping close to what we love. However, few give us clues as to what to do or feel when we lose or part with a loved one. The main causes of the pain that accompanies the loss of a loved one, of a relationship, of a hope or of something material, are the holds and fears that we have adopted or created in the course of our life.
To adaptively overcome a loss and come out of it strengthened, it is good to focus on what positive it may have brought back to the surface. The most precious thing we can draw from it is the whole set of teachings it offers us, with the aim of regaining strength and the desire to move forward.
"Being smart means learning from our experiences"
