Don't look for ideal love, build real love

Who I am
Louise Hay

Don't look for ideal love, build real love

Last update: December 03, 2015

I don't believe in ideal love, I rather believe in those inexplicable loves that grab you and envelop you with intense and tumultuous feelings. In those passionate beginnings on which to build a real and daily love.


We all have a clear idea of ​​what ideal love is for us. We attribute to that physical image an enormous amount of values, of characteristics that border on perfection and where happiness is sure to be.

Dreaming is not bad, it serves to inject us with part of that enthusiasm that all of us need to cross this world so complex and sometimes difficult.

When you think about the love you need, though, do it with your feet on the ground and an open mind.

Don't fixate on ideals that are completely alien to reality populated by authentic people. Because there are no perfect loves, but virtues and defects that can be harmonized with one's own needs and shortcomings.

Do not go in search of an ideal love, rather commit yourself to building a real and conscious love. We invite you to reflect on this.

The pillars that build conscious relationships

You may have heard of conscious relationships. They are so to speak the opposite of romantic or reckless love.

We know that many may feel disconcerted by the fact that we launch a dig at the concept of romantic love, but this image actually contains a series of extremely dangerous dimensions for our emotional balance:

  • Romantic love implies the idealization of the loved one and the construction of some attributes that do not correspond to reality.
  • Romanticism or ideal love it is the reflection of the most dangerous attachment, of the need to have and "possess" the other as the only way to be happy.
  • Real love doesn't mean you can't show affection and attention, it is about building a conscious love through a healthy relationship where there is no need to subdue the other, or to become obsessively attached to the other person.

The secret would be to build bonds that work, that they are harmonious with ourselves and in which personal growth and with the partner are respected.

Let's find out together how you can find and build an emotionally mature and conscious relationship:

1. Don't search, first transform yourself into that person who is worth being together with

Don't be obsessed with the idea of ​​devoting yourself to the wild search for the ideal person, the perfect person:

life is a continuous learning in which everything counts, where every past relationship leaves a lived experience and a memory that, in the end, is part of you, but is not decisive. Your eventual failures do not define you, but they "teach" you how to move forward with greater confidence.

- It's not about trying, but about letting go, always paying attention to your self-esteem, having clear what you want and moving away from everything that can harm us.

- Work on yourself every day, grow inwardly, enjoy who you are, the person who is reflected in the mirror. Your inner happiness, your balance and your emotional maturity are the greatest gift you can give to the partner that chance will introduce you to.


To build a real and conscious love, you must first become that person with whom it is worth living your whole life, always remembering that true love does not come "as if by magic". Genuine love must reside in you, and it takes two to work on it every day.


2. Work on your personal and emotional balance

Chances are your heart has already faced one or more failed relationships, as well as some wound that hasn't healed yet.

- After a failure or a breakup, it is essential to recover the bond with ourselves.

With what we are, with our needs and our inner voice. You have spent a long time focusing all of your energies on another person, it is time to prioritize yourself.

- Overcome your fear of being alone or being abandoned. It is important to learn to be alone without considering it a traumatic aspect.

- By doing all this, recovering your self-esteem, love for yourself and that union with your person, coming to feel good for who you are, what you have and what you have learned, you will be able to shift your attention from the gaps, the shortcomings and the needs that you somehow expect others to solve.


You do not have to give yourself to that new person who has just entered your life as the "sum of all your former relationships". Offer yourself as someone who is emotionally mature, who has learned from their experiences and who now gets involved in freedom and without great burdens, to build a real, full and above all courageous love.


3. Falling in love is easy, but building true love takes effort

There are loves that come suddenly and that upset us. They are, just as we said at the beginning of the article, inexplicable loves.

It is not necessary to dwell on how they arrived, the important thing is that, day after day, a relationship is settling in harmony with respect, the balance of forces, with that complicity that allows us to get excited and understand.

Building conscious love requires the will on both sides, knowing how to fit “my edges with yours”, learning to value all the differences, not just what they have in common.

Remember: stop looking for ideal or perfect love. We are all imperfect beings who strive every day to build a perfect life. And this is the important thing.

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