Last update: Augusts 21, 2015
Sometimes we have very high expectations of some people. It is inevitable, a habit that we all have, some more often and some less: to think that the partner must support us in everything we do without disagreeing, to expect our family to solve all our problems or for our friends to be there whenever we need it ...
Having too high expectations of those around us, however, can become a selfish attitude and can make them feel obliged to satisfy all our desires. In this way we limit their freedom, when in reality the only person from whom we should expect this is ourselves.
We spend most of our lives “expecting something”: waiting for what we want to happen, waiting for people to behave in a way that is consistent with our opinion of them. However, we are not fully aware that “to expect” is sometimes synonymous with “to wish”, which implies a little manipulation on our part.
The people who are part of our life, in fact, should always act in full freedom and according to their will. If they do something for us, it is because they want to do it from the bottom of their hearts, and it is good to be grateful to them; but, if they don't, that shouldn't worry or obsess us.
It is only from ourselves that we should expect everything: we ourselves have to be able to solve our problems without anyone else having to do it for us, we who have to face our fears, instead of projecting them onto others ...
Let's talk about.
The dangerous power of expectations
“Don't expect anything from anyone but yourself“. Perhaps this statement must have seemed too strong to you. Yet we are sure that it will have reminded you of some situation in which it perfectly describes what happened. We all create expectations for ourselves every day, which conceal a certain degree of within them hope.
You can create very concrete expectations for your partner: that he will always be with you, that he will not give up anything, but that he always has you as a priority in life. But then it will happen that summer arrives and you communicate, for example, that he would like to travel with his friends. Part of you will not be able to avoid being extremely disappointed, because a small portion of your expectations will be broken, and you will not know how to deal with the situation.
Does this mean your partner doesn't love you? Certainly not. The point is, quite simply, that you yourself had built a too idealistic mindset. In this case, the expectation involves the great risk of being convinced that something would happen and, when it does not, your certainties begin to collapse.
We all have an almost natural tendency to anticipate events and to make assumptions about others through "I hope that" or "I wish that". When something goes wrong, then, disappointment appears. And do you know what disappointment feeds on most of the time? Expectations and hopes to which we had attributed too high a degree of "certainty".
Never take anything for granted, this way the disappointment will be less. Furthermore, if you avoid having too high expectations, you will also give more freedom to others. Expect everything only from yourself, because you are the architects of your life.
Shun certainties, accept the unexpected
We know that it is tiring, we know that it is not easy to accept that life is fickle and that those who love you today may no longer need you tomorrow, that those who support you today may not think the same way in an hour. How to deal with all these daily uncertainties?
By maintaining balance and remaining the backbone of your life, why you are the person on whom you must always be able to count in the first instance. It is you who must resolve your fears, and fill your voids. Do not delegate this task to anyone, do not make anyone a slave to your expectations, forced to solve your problems for fear of disappointing you.
Let them love you freely and without being submissive, let them do something for you only if they want to; and if they don't, don't punish them and don't get down on them, let them do whatever they like. And you act as you please, learn to move around the world with security and maturity, building your own happiness by respecting others. Expect everything from yourself, and live in harmony with others.
Image courtesy of Viccolatte
