Being shy doesn't mean being bland

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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wikipedia.org

Being shy doesn't mean being bland

Last update: 23 November 2015

We have all been shy at some point in our life. Shyness, however, is not a pathology and in most cases it is not even a major problem.

More than anything else, shyness is like a protective shield that makes us close in on ourselves so that we don't suffer. Although it can sometimes have the opposite effect.



Shyness is the distrust of self-love, which, wanting to please, is afraid of not succeeding.
Molière

Being shy does not mean being insipid, shyness is another way of being, with certain particularities and characteristics.

The evolution of shyness

The evolution of shyness in the course of life is a very interesting thing to foster self-knowledge.

Many of us have experienced a change from openness towards others in childhood to greater shyness in adulthood and vice versa..

This change is sometimes favored by attitudes or exposures in public that have generated anxiety in us or have made us feel very uncomfortable.

The most frequent cause of shyness is an exaggerated opinion of our own importance.
Samuel Johnson

Shyness, therefore, does not depend on genetic factors, but is a component of the individual's personality which, even if influenced by the biological temperament, is highly conditioned by the social interactions that the individual has with other people.. Consequently, these aspects and their evolution must be taken into consideration to understand our shyness.

Public exposure always implies highlighting personal skills and competences and subjecting them to the judgment of others. And it is during the period of adolescence and youth that we are most afraid of being evaluated, judged and criticized.



If in addition to being particularly sensitive, we add the fact that the public to which we expose ourselves is not very understanding and disrespectful, here is that our social ego can manifest a tremendous vulnerability that will affect us not a little when we face similar situations in the future.

To protect ourselves from this vulnerability, we close in on ourselves for fear of what others may think. But we don't realize it's something we'll never know in the center percent.

Does shyness bother us?

Shyness is a character trait that doesn't necessarily have to be a problem. When, however, can it become so?

  • When it causes us great psychological discomfort.
  • When it prevents us from achieving professional goals for fear of working in a team.
  • When it prevents us from asking for help if we need it.
  • When in reality we are interested in knowing a person, but out of shyness, in fact, we do not take the first step.

If we understand that shyness is not a mistake in our personality, we will realize that we will feel less psychological pressure and that things will continue in a more natural way.

The important thing is that, despite having an introverted character, we manage to establish cordial relationships with others.

A slight smile, a short and direct sentence and a suitable place can be the perfect opportunity to ask for notes, perhaps, and strike up a conversation. Sometimes it's not about being open, it's about seizing opportunities.


Aspects that will help you overcome shyness:

  • If you too, dear readers, are shy, a greater knowledge of yourself will allow you to understand which situations distress you in order to find a compromise and be able to overcome shyness..
  • Learn to manage anxiety and stress thanks to breathing and numerous relaxation techniques.
  • Train, train and train again. It will be the best remedy.
  • Expose yourself to situations where you need to relate to others. And if something goes wrong, don't give it too much importance. You are learning a skill, it is just that, you have to train.
  • Choose an audience that is pleasant and close to you to test before speaking in front of others. In this way you will become familiar with very simple aspects such as voice modulation, facial expressions, pronunciation, volume or tone of voice.

The shyness that often makes you feel uncomfortable can be improved, but don't forget that it can also be a fascinating quality that doesn't make you bland, simple, or without social qualities. It is simply another kind of communicative and social style.


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