Last update: July 30, 2015
“There is a story behind every person.
One reason why it is as you see it.
Before judging it, think about it ”.
There is a story behind every person, there are thoughts behind his expressions, emotions behind what he feels and a soul under his skin.
Each of us, in the course of life, goes through different moments, lives experiences, knows people who inevitably leave a trace inside us. Even people or circumstances that seemed to us to have passed unnoticed can come back later in our lives.
Everything that happens to us shapes our experience and our perception, in different ways. Some experiences more intensely, others mildly; sometimes consciously, sometimes without our realizing it ... But they all give us highlights, shadows and a myriad of in-between hues.
For this reason, when we happen to observe someone who has a strange or inexplicable behavior for us, What is the point of necessarily wanting to give our interpretation of how things stand?
We can only judge from our point of view, based on our experiences. But what do we know about that person? What do we know about his emotions?
If it is already complicated to venture into the depths of ourselves and try to get to know each other, how can we pretend to know what the intentions or motives of others are or how is that person experiencing a situation?
We spend half our lives trying to find out these reasons, and the other half trying to judge the behavior of others, as if it wasn't hard enough to take charge of ourselves.
Each person has his own story and his own sensitivity towards certain aspects rather than others. The fact that it is easy for us to face a certain situation or express certain things does not mean that it is also easy for others.
"The shoe that fits one person fits tightly to another:
there is no recipe for life that is suitable for everyone. "
(Carl Gustaf Jung)
"If I were in Maria, I would try to rest more ...", "I can't understand why Fabio hasn't left his girlfriend yet, I wouldn't stand her ...", "I would never make it through your life, because don't you change something? ”.
When you find yourself giving opinions of this type, have you ever thought that maybe that person had a mother who for years has accused her of not knowing how to do anything and that for this reason now she wants to do everything perfectly and does not allow herself a respite? That she may have always had partners who criticized her, and therefore she is no longer able to openly show herself for who she is? That she may have desired the affection of her always absent parents so much that she has turned into a person always looking for love and affection or that she, on the contrary, because of this trauma she refuses to receive it?
Each story has more than one version, and each question has more than one answer.
It is normal that, if we were in the place of those people, we would act differently. This is exactly the point: we are not them, and we have not lived their life. Think about it, after all we never even know ourselves completely: have you ever been convinced that you will react in a certain way to a certain situation, and then behave differently when you are there?
We must be able to look beyond the surface and take into account that each person has his or her own story; a set of experiences, feelings, emotions, encounters, biological and personal variables and to which the power of the situation and context must also be added.
Judging blindly, just for the sake of it, doesn't do much good.
We are no one to do it, and even through good conversation can we claim to have understood everything about a person. Sometimes because it is difficult to find the right words, other times because only when we tell an experience in words, we are limiting it.
On the contrary, listening to the other and taking into consideration that he has become what he is thanks to the stories, experiences and feelings that he has lived, will help us to understand him better. And even if we can't always do it, it doesn't matter: perhaps our personal history makes it impossible for us at that moment.
Just remember that behind every skin there is a person, a strong but also sensitive soul that has its wounds and scars, that has its own history.