The wounded child who lives in us

Who I am
Robert Maurer

The wounded child who lives in us

Last update: July 27, 2016

Surely you have heard at least once of the child who lives in each of us, close to our heart. We also know how wonderful it is to get it out and be happy. Nonetheless, we don't usually spend a lot of time with him, even when he's injured. A wound that often continues to hurt ...

What happened? Why is the child in you complaining? At what moment of life did that "break" occur that has marked you forever? And most importantly, is it possible to cure wounds permanently?

The event that "blocked" the child in us

What happens when the child in us is sad or hurt from childhood and this affects our actions? There are many theories that try to explain this situation, and one of them is called a "blocking event".

The blocking event is a fact that has marked us strongly and that has forged our personality. This happens: since we are born, we live in a "comfortable continuity", which allows us to survive and which provides us with everything we need (food, affection, shelter, etc.). However, one day something happens that changes us forever, that suddenly throws us out and breaks that “comfortable continuity”.  

In most cases, this event is associated with a very painful emotion such as death, fear, separation, misfortunes, etc. However, even something lacking in value, such as a word, an attitude, or a decision.

What wounds has your inner child suffered?

A distant father, a perfectionist mother, an authoritarian grandfather, a broken family. The inner child may be disappointed with what embittered his childhood. He takes on the traumas of the past and returns them as models or habits to the adult he has now become.

In order to enjoy good emotional health, it is necessary to help our inner child heal his wounds. That's right, each of them, with total dedication and responsibility. You can't put a patch where surgery is needed, nor can you take away from a recurring problem.

Can I heal my inner child?

To begin the "treatment", it is important to be aware that we are dealing with an injured child and that we must befriend him so that he can trust us. One movie that comes to mind on this subject is "Jack," starring Robin Williams as a child who ages four times faster than normal.

At one point in the film, Jack hides in one of the school park's games. His teacher (played by Jennifer López) tries to get him out of there. In this way, the child begins to trust her to the point of stopping hiding and giving the opportunity to deal with what saddens him.

You have to do the same with your inner child. In order for them to trust the adult we have transformed into, we must offer them what they need. Never screaming, getting angry or threatening… because in this way we will only widen the wound.

If, for example, the injury is caused by your parents' lack of affection in childhood, treat your inner child with all the love you can. If it's due to being ignored, show him it's important and give him the time and priority he needs. Little by little, the little one will come out of his hiding place and will trust you… do not miss this opportunity.

Talk to him patiently, tell him that you are sorry for what he has suffered and, above all, that you want to help him. Ask him how he is doing, how you can make him happy and if you are both willing to make an effort to reach the goal. Offer him various activities such as walking, going to the beach or watching a movie.

It is about reintegrating him into your life, giving him the opportunity to enjoy everything he has built, despite the difficulties who went through. You have to give him the word again, the possibility to choose and make decisions and, especially, to let him have fun. And have fun with him.

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