Last update: 06 November 2015
There is almost 10% of me that you will never know. You can try as hard as you want, but you will never be able to decipher it. In fact, I myself will never get to know 5% of myself and it must be said that, without sounding presumptuous, I have lived with myself for longer than you.
That you don't know that part doesn't mean it's a negative or perverse aspect of me or that you lack feelings or empathy.. It will simply never seem logical or rational to you, you will never be able to predict it.
Forgive me if I laugh when you try and despair, but I have the feeling that you are like a small child who wants the gift package hidden on the top shelf or like someone who tries all possible ways to finish a puzzle and try them all. the pieces, when in reality what you need has ended up under the table.
Wait up. You will grow and, even if you are not tall enough to touch the shelf, you will be strong enough to take the ladder that will allow you to reach it. or maybe you will no longer care to get there because you preferred to live in the reality that you can perceive and that no longer scares you.
Yes, I see. You're afraid this part of me is making you suffer. With the advantage I have in knowing myself, I would tell you no, but the rest of me would like you to take the risk.
I cannot oblige you, nor expect you to do it, I can only express my wish, but perhaps this is not right either because I am firmly convinced that I will get the best of it if you do.
The unpredictable part of me might hurt you, but it's also one of the most important reasons you're with me. That part that always surprises you and makes me like Wally in a world of people more similar than different from each other.
... and you want Wally ...
... and I want someone who looks for Wally every day ...
... that is, you ...
... and I want you, now and always with this unpredictable part, because it is the one that makes my heart beat. It is in tune with the feelings that we both are more than sure of within us because they are part of the 90% of us we know.
I am committed to helping you live with that part of me, something that I may not have been too good at. But certainly no one is born knowing how to do everything already and, as I told you before, you are almost fascinating when you put yourself on tiptoe in order to reach the package on the shelf.
You have a lot of things to say about me and my life, but let me have the last word, even if you disagree, let me decide who to relate to and how to do it. Let me love myself as I am or as I will be, and not as a shadow of who I am or will be.
Don't try all the pieces to solve the puzzle they are, because there isn't a piece for me. You will have to build it and even then the edges will not always coincide.
Don't ask yourself if I'm normal or not. I already tell you that I am not, that I do not fit into the type of person you like, just as I am not the type of anyone.
Don't think that you have the right to necessarily have to decipher that 10%, because the only thing you will get is that it will always remain silent and in the dark. I will stop being Wally and you will stop looking for me every day.
You will stop loving me and I will feel deeply sad.
That 5% is a tiny, very small part, even if you don't know how to quantify it because you can only see the outline.
Keep playing around the house. It's not worth wasting precious time on what we both don't know. Rather, it is worth living the life we have imagined together.
Somehow, therefore, I ask you to be my accomplice in my own ignorance, so that together and without haste we begin to ask ourselves questions. And as a thread of hope think that the last thing that fell from that shelf that you could not reach is this letter that a person in love writes to you.